If anything can break down the sheer will and collapse the entire inner workings of ICE, it's Philadelphia International Airport.

Can anyone recommend a good lawyer who handles ice cream truck DUIs?

There is a Lucy-in-the-chocolate-factory speed of information nuggets that hit you in this headline.

You wanna talk about whose neighborhood is more badass? Meet me at the kicked in lion photo by the graveyard.

Modern Family: Fire Walk with Me

If Jeffrey Epstein were alive today, he’d be running ICE.

Gonna hire some Hessians to get some stuff done around the house

Well, I guess you WON’T see me on The Bachelorette this season.

I want to go back to a world where America is respected and also where I didn't know what Banksy looked like.

Really enjoyed the Manosphere documentary.

I spilled Hormuz all over my Markwayne.

I hate to say it, but Air Bud would’ve visited Trump’s White House after his championships.

Let's just say that I do a SPOT ON Franklin Pierce over the phone.

BREAKING: President Trump offering all college-aged students FREE spring break trip to Tehran!

Inspired by President Trump's request of support from European nations, I'm sending a group email to all my ex girlfriends to see if they can each loan me $1000.

I invite you to join me in boycotting next year’s Academy Awards after last night’s In Memoriam segment BLATANTLY omitted Evel Knievel.

These Oscar winners are OK, but I played the little brother in Bye Bye Birdie in 9th grade and my mom said I was great

These Oscar winners are OK, but I played the little brother in Bye Bye Birdie in 9th grade and my mom said I was great

“Dad, what were you like in the 90s?” “For the last time, I don’t have any children. You are not my son; you are a grown man wearing a sailor suit and holding an oversized lollipop. For the love of GOD, please go away and let my wife and I enjoy our meal.”

GREAT PIZZA, GREAT PALS!

Remember: it's one Pam Bondus, and multiple Pam Bondi.

Jesus is my crowd work clip.

TUESDAY NIGHT HAIKU: These scented trash bags Smell exactly like my dead grandmother's perfume.

Teachers in Pennsylvania are now required by law to start teaching cursive writing again. Apparently someone found a loophole.

Just got into this year's Riyadh Comedy Festival!!!

Well, YOU may be against the war in Iran, but the bright side that you're not acknowledging is that we are making a BILLION DOLLARS A DAY from it. (Slowly turns chart right side up)

AI videos just look like if characters from the game Guess Who came to life.

“…that’s the thing about those heights… They’re so WUTHERING.”

Back when I first heard the commercials for Draft Kings, I thought they were saying "Giraffe Kings", and quite honestly, I was a happier person then.

BREAKING: Kristi Noem has been cast in next season’s Dancing with the Czars.

Nick Drake’s BRYTER LAYTER is 55 years old today. 10/10. No skips.

I had a very fun (and nerve-racking) time on The Catered Quiz podcast, where I did my best to answer questions about 80s Punk and New Wave! Please take a listen and feel free to chastise me for some wrong answers! milwaukeerecord.com/podcast/the-...

Please enjoy my 5,000 word article on how I'm trying to get into King Crimson, but just keep putting on Beastie Boys albums on instead.

Hi friends, thank you for the kind words about Starr. They meant a lot to me. To show my appreciation, I've served up a piping hot new edition of "Good Good Things" just for you. www.gojeffgo.com/good-good-th...

Can we call a Mulligan on Iran?

this year i am going to hit a cadbury egg with a bat

Tried to write some words about my sweet dog, you know, for closure, but wow, it's tough. I included a bunch of nice photos. www.gojeffgo.com/goodbye-swee...

Trump: "Finally, we honor one more American soldier, a fallen warria of world. Of wars. And really, terra.”

What if we told Trump that we weren't MAD about Iran, just disappointed?

Do we really NEED more madness this March?

ICE and our own military have killed Americans this year.

BETHLEHEM, PA: Steel Stacks is one of my favorite shows every year. See you NEXT FRIDAY, March 13th! It's gonna be, as they say, A DOOZY. www.artsquest.org/event/chip-c...

since oil prices are rising, does anyone know if i can substitute liver or cheaper cuts of steak for gasoline

The last stop on every Erin Express this year should be an Army recruitment center.

I can’t believe we’re losing Neil Sedaka and civilization as we know it in one weekend.

Trying to turn my hobby horse into a side hustle horse.

My alpha male training camp got cancelled this weekend because it’s gonna be too chilly.

I’ve never been to Australia PER SE, but one time I got electrocuted while doing an INXS song at karaoke.