Gabriel Jesus

I completely forgot we were playing in a derby today. When I said I was disassociating this weekend, I was not kidding.

We may not get a walk in today if it doesn't thaw out a little. It was very glazed and crunchy this morning.

When the kids got to see uncle Wrighty during camp. #ArsenalWFC 🔴⚪

This white United kit really confused me first thing in the morning. 😂

Good job, Fulham

Raul did you really just think you were playing volleyball for a second?

Zach Bryan ad on the ad board at Tottenham Stadium. Target audience: Rob Holding.

Behold, the Riley Gaines of expository writing.

Let's go to VAR

They got one back on Aaron

That was amazing by Ramsdamage

Oh poor Everton

"I hope you get the worst fucking hemorrhoids and can never sit down," one protester says heckling the masked feds staring down from the parking garage above.

Thiaw is not "Thaw?" But then you'd have Burn and Thaw.

Oh Jordan.

City with the most blatant 'keeper down so the manager can give a team talk' you'll see all season and not a whisper from the comms. One of the City physios even kept checking to see if Pep had finished. As soon as he had, he helped Donnarumma up 😄

Slipped Tylenol into everyone's mashed potatoes at dinner so I will finally have some people to talk to about all my cool rocks

PP&G

I hate carpet, but the whole house is significantly colder since we tore it out. I think we need to put down some insulation under the baseboards.

I don't know if we're going to make it on a walk until the road gets plowed. It's still snowing, too.

“Did you take your shoes off?”

Invisible financial levers.

I think we're supposed to wake up to snow. Shaggy is already in weather watch mode.

Pro tip: just chuck the last piece of pie in the Cool Whip bowl.

Introduce yourself with 5 animals you've seen in the wild: Beaver Mink Bobcat Turkey Coyote

also this accompanying the hard launch is killing me

Omg!!!!

Love a 10 am movie. It's like a private screening.

😂💀

Remember when I bought that butterfly sofa and loveseat for like $6? I just saw a set the same style on 1st Dibs that sold for $3500.

remember, folks,

I really don't miss getting together with the awful people who were like extended family or step parents' relatives or whatever. We have a pretty small circle now of people who aren't toxic asshats.

Dying at the first time Swedish Chef sees Big Bird

We had a low key lunch with just my mom here. I put a roast in the slow cooker overnight and we had it with gravy and some mashed potatoes and green beans. Very chill day and now I'm starting the new season of Stranger Things.

One minute you're a young, vibrant football fan and the next, Shaqueel van Persie is being subbed on and making you feel like:

He is risen

wonder what could’ve made this guy feel betrayed by the foreign government he used to work closely with ah well guess we’ll never know

I saw Sergio Ramos posted this and a woman commented, "Is this real?" To which someone replied, "Es Sergio Ramos." 😂

I can boil that down even further

Arsenal.

Ouch right in the bread basket.

Energy so divorced it, too, drives a Mustang convertible

Friend: So are we Set Piece FC or Open Play FC? Me: Yes.

Wake up hon. A new Saliba crazy arms goal celebration just dropped

I guess Zohran is going full Mikel cleaning house of the Adams staffers.

I started out a skeptic but I'm now fully sold on the idea that Ryan Lizza's revenge-porn blog will, as pure collateral damage, bring down the president of the United States

Gabriel Martinelli has scored in each of his last four Champions League matches. #ARSBAY