This is very good and I like that it brings up the secondary issue of how do these freaks think people behave in bars?

This implies that Platzo has a well established record of gaining yards on the oligarchs. Do one fucking thing well once before you ask us to balance out your sins, dickhead!

I look forward to Moulton/Markey coming down to whether the Red Sox should trade medium-high on Jarren Duran.

Wait wait wait, Platner is a creep who disrespects his wife? The slur guy? The mercenary? The guy who loved doing imperialist violence? Are you sure? The guy who pretends to be a working class common joe whose excuse for his nazi tattoo was that he's very stupid? That guy? No. Don't buy it.

The spelling bee is whack optimized travel sports for dorks. Dorks deserve whack optimized sports wins as much as the next guy, I don’t hate it, but let’s relax a bit.

I’m sure this is great but have they considered instead reopening the fucking libraries??

Em and I do pretty decent (thanks, Em) but our financial planning is based exclusively on worst cases, because it feels insane to start a serious adult sentence with “OK, assuming I keep this good job in this relatively stable industry, in 20 years we’ll have …”

Every single one of these stories starts with “Love it or hate it,” it’s correct to be reflexively defensive about your bullshit takes but maybe instead try not having bullshit takes

Need a midlevel Marriott search function for “beers in the tampon and hot pockets nook or nah no beers”

I love a pedestrian party night in Worcester for so many reasons but “everyone has warrants so they stop at crosswalks” is way up there.

My taste buds have lost track of Miller Lite because it’s never the cheapest beer at bars near me (we have Narragansett for that) and I can’t imagine another use case. Respectfully!

Yesterday I met a 6th grade public school teacher who makes $130k; it’s dual language in a rich town, and I know plenty of people who make more to do dumb jobs, but still … better than I was aware.

I’m not too opposed to cars philosophically—most people need them and I wish that weren’t the case but here we are. But it sucks that we give like 1/3 of the city over to car storage and yet it stills seems like a hassle for drivers, such a shitty return for everyone.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone’s dick in a public bathroom and I’ve got a wandering eye and spend a lot of time in public. Women’s bathrooms offer more privacy in general as I understand it, how would you ever know (even if you cared) who’s got what going on.

When it’s been an imperfect day but you get an “I see you, big dog!” re your shady purchase from the clerk at the shady liquor store, that’s all right.

It’s also disqualifyingly reckless to make around $60k and be guessing at the total. Didn’t the govt send you a form with the amount on it, and isn’t there a huge diff between $55k and $65k? Clown.

I really can’t believe that with 300 million people and at least that many guns none of us has done it yet. Bunch of cowards.

$4 Yukon Jack at Casey’s in Somerville, having a false recovered memory of drinking this with @theamericanjerk.bsky.social . We’ve done this at least in theory.

My new thing is I only drink applejack.

On the weather app, days where there is a small chance of overnight rain but it will otherwise be sunny during waking hours should not be represented by the little rainy cloud thumbnail. Bad for morale.

The new Allagash blueberry beer is really good and THAT is all I have to say about THAT.

Red Sox are in disarray because Trevor and Chad have beef over Craig's decision, and it doesn't help that Garrett's hurt and Caleb and Greg suck. The underlying problem here is obviously the appalling cast of names.

This is worse that when Hegseth said he'd quit drinking morning gin if we let him run the military, because at least that's relevant to job performance. This is just "Hey bro, are you a scumbag?" answered with "Yeah, but I'll pretend not to be if hired."

Em says only perverts wear hotel bathrobes and I’m not saying she’s wrong but I feel pretty good right now either way.

Kash is a problematic would drink 9 McGuillicuddy nips with whilst listening to J Geils at a minor league hockey tailgate in New Hampshire, sue me.

My favorite adult tantrums are when a disgruntled guy declares something “unacceptable!” In this case the Amtrak bar car going cash only. Trevor you don’t get a say in this reality, it just is, your acceptance isn’t a factor. (Also this is why a proper adult always has $20 in his sock just in case.)

There's a 5mm wide sweet spot where you can use the same pasta for linguine or fettuccine on a restaurant menu and no one will notice.

The only dignified thing about aging is the important truths slowly revealed. The best cheeses cost $14.99/lb, rarely less and never more. For instance.

One perk of living foul is that 5 minutes of stretching, a light aveeno glaze, and an apple can make you feel better than you have in a month.

I'm generally ok with They Might Be Giants but their new Wu-Tang thing is the worst song I've ever heard.

Phone addiction is real and it is bad, but lately I’ve wondered if media types don’t overestimate it among functioning adults due to their own deeply perverted lifestyle. A lot of ppl are just kinda at work and cooking dinner and washing their asses most of the day.

Thinking about muting “judge orders Trump.” I don’t blame the judges for their orders or the media guys for reporting them, but if not followed by “and it actually real-world matters because” the odds I need to know are so so low.

Bar had some rowdy UConn ladies getting into it with a Duke-ass Duke guy who, I regret to report, took it well. He’ll just raise their interest rates in the morning I guess but I still admire his fake good sportsmanship in the moment.

So that duke kid just refused to be the one to get fouled, right? As a coward and bad shooter myself, I get it. But oh boy.

Most guys on the Red Sox seem to be kinda short and/or kinda dumb. I’m friends with plenty of short fools, it’s a totally workable combo in many contexts. Is baseball one of them? We’ll see!

I’m anti-car but I try not to get worked up about it because we got some weirdos on my side. However it finally hit me that the reason road races are all at dawn on Sundays is that’s when drivers cry least about being inconvenienced for an hour, and now I’m a zealot.

They mostly show soccer on the bar tvs in my neighborhood and my reaction to that on baseball day is my most toxic trait.

22nd baseball season for my ratty old Red Sox hat. I have a nice one, but I don't want it to also get shitty. A dirtbag dilemma.

My handwriting is appalling but it's not one of my top 100 deficiencies, impact-wise. It's probably good to be able to write, same way and to same extent it's good to be able to juggle and whistle. Sure, teach the brats cursive and juggling, no reason not to. And if they suck at it, that's cool too.

MLB opening day: the day all crime is legal

First time I’ve ever rooted against UConn women and I’m getting what I deserve.

I had wet Fairfield Inn eggs for breakfast then went to 2 breweries then had onion rings and saw Tracy Bonham play at the Irish bar, and yet the haters still say I’m not father of the year.

Fun to walk in the era where it’s good news when a car speeds up approaching crosswalk, because that means he’s trying to bully you but will stop if you force it so as to avoid hassle (paperwork etc) of killing you. If he doesn’t play that game it means he’s looking at draft kings and u gotta yield.

incredible opportunity. would love to pick his brain

It’s only matter of time before we find out that Kash Patel has a CRAZY sports betting addiction.

One of my favorite types of guy is Amtrak cafe car guy. This lady today has a special device to open nips with because the Makers Mark specifically was arthrititizing her thumbs. Work didn’t pay for it and I think I’m angrier about that than she is.

I’m gonna start a new kind of search firm for university presidents. Give me $1000 in cash and a tastefully curated selection of Homefield gear from your school, and I will encourage you to hire the second or third biggest asshole you can find instead of the biggest asshole.

Been in classical Portland the last few days. Every business has a fuck ICE sign, even the fancy boutiques that might not employ or cater to immigrants and might not want to rock the $ boat. Maine is a very old, very white state that keeps electing Susan Collins, and they all hate these pigs.

We stumbled upon a Russian River thing in Maine and I tell you what Pliny is still better than all the other big IPAs.

Train to Portland’s full of middle school Maine dirtbags in Tatum jerseys (and all right, one Pritchard) drilling hot dogs and Gatorade on the way back from Copper’s game at the Garden last night; it’s 20% annoying and 80% endearing.