I get that the news cycle is packed right now, but I just heard from a colleague at the Smithsonian that this is fully a GIANT SQUID BEING EATEN BY A SPERM WHALE and it’s possibly the first ever confirmed video according to a friend at NOAA 10 YEAR OLD ME IS LOSING HER MIND (a thread 🧵)

I think people mean we should believe all women when they talk about being raped by Kennedys

Homan so fat he was hoping it was lunch in there

The good news is, those undercover FBI agents now have a very successful company that makes F-35 parts

Ok, ok, I’ll join American Cinematique

I’m calling my shot — Hegseth fucked a dude

His plastic surgeon said, "What kind of eye tuck do you want," and he said, "I want the corner of my right eye to point towards Mecca and the corner of my left eye to point at the International Space Station"

OPEN LETTER TO LATE NIGHT TV WRITERS: Please write jokes about: 1. His terrible upper eyelid tuck, exhibit below. 2. The fact that his father never loved him.

As a writer who depends on free speech to make a living, I just want to point out he had a very bad eye tuck

She should fuck him more, it'll keep him busy

Just did this. Very easy to leave a comment.

Every generation gets the Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS they deserve

So much of this is because Elon Musk detests his own child.

Hey @ezraklein.bsky.social , is this doing politics the right way? He is using persuasion. I disagree with him about whether to kill millions of people in death camps, but he is wearing a tie, so what am I to think here?

Brian Kilmeade using persuasion. Doing politics the right way

Fly them at half-mast for Flo

Trump and RFK Jr. competing today to see who can forget about the JFK assassination more

You can’t chant something like “Trump eat shit?” Twee rhymes is what we’re going for here?

There was no problem with guns in schools, or schoolbook depositories, for that matter

The Supreme Court just voted this picture is of a woman who's 28

Never thought I'd look at a picture Donald Trump drew and think "this would upset me less if he'd made those breasts a lot bigger"

The immediate practical upshot of this is Kristi Noem and Karoline Leavitt have to prove their loyalty by shaving their pubes into the word "Donald"

Surprising Trump drew a woman old enough to have pubic hair

When I watched this live, I had no idea how close 14 was to blocking the kick

How is Hyundai going to keep killing workers if they don’t have any workers? These anti-business policies can’t continue

The word "blood" is in quotes because he means cum

In case you need to catch up on Beavis and Butt-Head seasons 1 and 2, before the premiere of season 3 on Comedy Central tomorrow

Ho hum, more great reviews for Beavis and Butt-Head, what else is new

I just learned you shouldn’t search Bluesky for “stroke”

I guess this was wrong and he’s just lazy

I heard his head blew up like in Scanners

The Dems should nominate Trump’s tumor

She’ll be able to fuck more lobbyists if she is one

To be honest, I was hoping America’s Ilsa She-Wolf of the SS would be hotter

I hope so

He means he got his dick sucked

It was autoerotic asphyxiation, don’t tell anyone

Pips sucks.

There actually *is* a history of failed attempts at bribery involving potato chips in New York City.

Post tying to start a pogrom

Every time Greenblatt does something like this, I report it to the ADL as an anti-Semitic incident

He thought there was a 14-year-old girl up there

Maybe he has cancer, and his doctor is afraid to tell him because he doesn't want to get fired

Trailer for the new season of B&B is out! www.youtube.com/watch?v=dmF8...

Karoline Leavitt carefully shaving her pubes into Donald Trump's signature

What do you think about this, @gavinnewsom.bsky.social ? (You fucking cunt)

Um, so Revelations is happening and Trump is the Anti-Christ, right? Is that good?

Here’s to Richie Rich. He spent his money and he shut the fuck up

This is a new thread that I'll update every so often called "Currently Googling." Currently Googling: "Make friends with crows."