This is the plot of The Sound Of Music

Perfect Eagles game — they beat maybe the best team in the AFC, huge clutch win, they suck so bad, I hate them, could not be angrier

The destructive moral idea he means is “not being a cunt”

Get ready to lose some wars, baby

Why do people take him at face value when he says he’s not on drugs? He’s been high as balls on national tv like a hundred times

If you don't classify fentanyl as a hydrogen bomb, you're not serious about the problem

The Eagles really needed to play a team that sucks.

The same pretty Asian girl just followed me 8 times with 8 different names, I think I'm going to score

Teen Mortgage last night at the Roxy

You mean it’s good? Ha ha ha ha ha

They gave him three separate cognitive exams?

ChatGPT: make your wife do it Sam Altman: got it, thanks

THIS SEQUENCE! ARE YOU KIDDING ME. 🤯

With that eye tuck he got, it's amazing he can close his eyes enough to fall asleep in meetings

Time to get in the Xmas spirit

Some brave patriot needs to start a right-wing K-street firm that needs to hire forty lobbyists right away

He's leaking curdled milk

a movie so sharp and funny that it basically killed the musical biopic for a decade

MBS apparently trying to rub the blood off his hands while Trump talks seems a little on the nose

this might be the greatest line reading of all time

PSA: When people say you have to read the Lizza thing to the end, they mean only read the last sentence

The Nuzzi excerpts do nothing to dispel the theory that what’s going on with her is severe mental illness

Trump right now finding out he sucked off the wrong Bubba

I made a joke in my main Discord server about DOOM E1M1 being in a major key and @abigbagofkeys.sickonedude.com actually made it. Jesus fucking Christ listen to this hahahaha

Megyn Kelly crying herself to sleep because she doesn’t have a dick to rape a 15-year-old with

We wrote a book

Motherfucker never exercised in his life

Epstein should have had one of those underage girls teach him to use the space bar

If it's already required by law, how is this new law supposed to help?

Make a 10000 year mortgage, you coward

Fortunately, the Sandwich Guy didn't try throwing one from the vending machine at WNYX. That could have been a felony charge.

Ross Douthat has one idea, that people shouldn’t fuck, and everything else flows downhill from that. He couldn’t get laid in college, convinced himself he was taking a bold moral stand, and now he’s this asshole.

Niemoller fella may have had a point

Anyone who did comedy development in the 90s/early 00s knows that, no matter what you pitched, the network would try to turn it into this exact show.

Clap your hands!

French incels get laid 24-7

The Eagles won, and I'm not even that angry at them!

"The average high school graduate are only fucks Olivia Nuzzi at an eighth-grade level"

Olivia Nuzzi looks pretty fertile, maybe this one's on you, pal

Every time a Kennedy dies, the amount of fucking that happens in the US is cut in half

If you’re like me, you sat up on your chair when S-tier character actor Kevin Tighe turned up in ONE BATTLE AFTER ANOTHER. I had a wonderful conversation with him about it for The Reveal: thereveal.film/interview-ke...

Just as after 9/11, we're going to track down who is responsible and send Dave Chappelle and Aziz Ansari to their house

We’re in the first five minutes of a zombie movie

It's a good feeling knowing your work can still inspire crime

I would guess any left-wing activist Signal group is already about half undercover FBI agents, so enjoy spying on each other, boys

For these lawyers, it’s a good sign, because they get credit from their bosses and MAGA for being a fighter. These judges need to start giving out sanctions with teeth, the tart words are just encouragement

I clicked on this so fast I sprained my wrist, only for it to be a brand new surprise single from some shmuck named Kyuss Lewis. I have just been on an emotional journey, going to bed, my Sunday is over

Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS was at least hot

The poll has built into it the assumption that the country's political system's problem is political division