I'm one of the lucky ones who gets to do their dream job because when I was a kid, all's I wanted was to enter in two-factor authentication codes to log into every single fucking thing.

T-minus 36 hours until my entire family arrives for our Christmas 28 hours under the same roof 16 people 1 newborn 50+ years of passive aggressive hostility It's gonna be LIT, fam

Man, I am SO ready to yell at Quatraro through my screen again. I need it like I need air.

#OnThisDay December 18, 1988, "Simpson Xmas" first aired on The Tracey Ullman Show on Fox. #TheSimpsons #Christmas

I don't want to Find Friends on Bluesky, I came here to be validated or yelled at by complete strangers okay

My favorite part of the holiday season is forced interaction and engagement with my co-workers while I'm off the clock.

Last time the Chiefs missed the playoffs the Royals won the World Series

so there's this horrific fascist country full of dickheads ruled by an imbecile, who’s in?!?

Chiefs lost. Out of the playoffs. Mahomes is out for the year. Nebraska volleyball lost. Tomorrow is Monday. Things aren’t great right now.

It’s “the snot in my nose is frozen” degrees outside

Michael C. Rockefeller got shipwrecked in 1963, washed up on an island, and was promptly eaten by cannibals.

this louisiana high school football state championship sequence gotta be the WILDEST finish ever

Remember when Fedex was reliable?

Literally reinventing the wheel

stay weird, Omaha

Wyatt Derp

Happy National Ding-a-Ling Day! #TheSimpsons

Let’s wrap some fucking presents

Love something in your life like the Royals love drafting left-handed high school pitchers

Oh, there it is

Bo Jackson takes on Charlie Hough's Knuckleball. Bo KNOWS Knuckleballs. Eventually. 🤣

Yes I know them, we went to Twitter together.

He’s gonna make it illegal to not be his friend

Fun fact - they have no idea why they're there, either.

My kid was cast in their school's performance in "Grease" and now I've never been more excited for a performance in my entire life.

My house has two cleanliness levels: “Company is coming” and “There appears to have been a struggle”.

You will be visited by 3 spirits

me dressed up and exercising at the airport before my 8 hour flight

Wide awake at 2:10 on a Tuesday morning This will certainly pay off handsomely later today I’m sure

Wiczowski is the KICKER?!?

This is a Gus Walz fan account

I run every day for 15 minutes. If I miss a day, I add 15 minutes to the next day. It's really been a game changer. Tomorrow, I'm supposed to run for 3 months.

This tweet/post will get you a guaranteed 750 likes - I've seen it about two dozen times since last night, and everyone was a banger

A woman on Tiktok had a man reply to her in what was a nasty, racist way and she figured out his name and WHERE he worked and drove there to make him apologize and told him if he didn't she would show his wife his Grindr account she found, then made him read a handwritten apology and recorded it

Jeff Kent might not have the stats to be a Hall of Famer, but when a guy's the best on his team- [touches earpiece] oh really? well, when he's beloved by fans [touches earpiece] huh or teammates [touches earpiece] you don't say if there's no one more deserving at his position [Lou Whitaker appears]

Six drops.

we’re absolutely going to win out and ruin our draft position

If Andy says “we just gotta clean a few things up” I’m burning Arrowhead to the ground

The only upside to this is a 3rd place schedule and less Tony Romo games

whew that tackle was a tonsil ticker

searching for a cough drop

People telling me about George Katlaftis’s pressure rate

might need a sip of water

Starting to feel a little scratchy

Movie you’ve watched more than six times with a gif. Hard mode: no Stars (Wars nor Trek), LOTR, or Marvel, Disney Animated or Pixar.

That’s another $7.77 donated to Planned Parenthood in the name of Harrison Butker

my tonsils have yet to be tickled, Andy