Got the damn Lament Configuration from my secret Santa again

My gift to you all is not posting this year folks

?????

Bridge over the River Jamiroquai

I don’t mean to sound extreme, but I don’t think we should have torture camps for people with criminal records either.

"time is controlled by a team of wizards in boulder colorado" yea ok sure. and fort collins is the backup. whatever dude

Love taking off my hat after a 9 hour shift and looking like a damn tropical bird

Not going to name the specific restaurant that made this but the local pizza scene is in fucking shambles

*Huey Lewis voice* I got a noooooooose bleed

Please let Mariska Hargitay be in Knives Out

It's bullshit that an apiary has bees. Should be an abeeary. I wanted to see monkey

Ho Ho back on Bang! Bang! My god we are so back

Telling my gastroenterologist that my shit "looks ai generated" and she straps me to a chair and shoots me

You see me frantically typing away on my typewriter. You come over to see what I'm working on and it's 19 pages of "boast reef"

Newly Unsealed Batch Of Epstein Estate Photos Contains Rare Holographic Dershowitz

Me to the subpar ventilation in the bathroom after fighting for my life on the toilet:

Wait are people genuinely sad about Andy Dick I didn't think anyone liked him

My apes all gone

Hell on earth? Local grocery store out of my favorite snack, more at 11

Can't believe they're making treats specifically for Boston Terriers

I love having cartoonishly bad days. Murphy's Law ass Friday

Creating unholy abominations (posts) on my island (microblogging website). This one has a monkey tail

More lik HG Unwells. Who comes up with this stuff?

More like Dr. Moroh-no! This guy's nuts!

The doctor is a woman. Unfortunately that woman is Dr. Moreau

We're allowed one political statement each this Thanksgiving. I'm going to say "Country Crock? yeah this country is a crock"

Roadiohead

wick dolf

What do you mean he looks "chopped?" He looks like the appetizer he made from pineapples, a whole branzino, and red velvet cupcakes in 20 minutes didn't impress the judges? I'm just trying to understand

Terrence Howard committing tax fraud because he's trying to use his new math to calculate everything

Soup. That's it

I'm here, I'm queer, and boy howdy do I wish I didn't have to work today

This goes fucking crazy

Damn, didn't know my wife was in the produce industry

Okay Dershowitz time to make good on that promise

"Torment Nexus" is often used to describe the kind of negative experiences you can have with baseball games, like the one we’re all living inside of right now

adding the Tactics Ogre OST to anything instantly transforms it into high art, a thing of aching, poignant beauty. here it is over images of Taco Bell

ZA is good but bring back the interactions you could have with the pokemon when they walk with you!! I wanna know what my Aggron is thinking about!! He's my baby

Someone is going to create an AI self flushing toilet and it's going to eject people off of it with a forceful stream of water

Self flushing toilets are the work of the devil. Please stop flushing every 18 seconds I'm not even done

Really excited to live in the Futurama reality where people are being intimate with AI. Surely no problems will arise!

Most of my Boston-area tendencies have left my brain since I've been in PA for 20 years but what remains is just a deep seeded hatred for the Yankees and I'm so fucking glad they're out

Going Hi-Rez Jamiroquai mode

Can check

itsy bitsy spider ending explained

Dhar Mann really is getting things together they're doing a video about the Coldplay CEO guy and it's only been a few months! Impressive

Baby doesn't like car unfortunately