In July 2023, I beat DCF at trial so my client could get his daughter back. In October 2024, I beat the former foster parents in a trial where they were trying to get custody. Today, that client sent me a picture of his daughter hugging her little sister, with this message:

One year, they should just have the World Cup be everywhere. Put each group in a different time zone and have nonstop games all day and night.

Hello. I'm Attorney Carter Mario. Have you been injured due to a lack of accumulated moisture on a surface in your home or place of employment? If so, you may be entitled to condensation.

He's making a list He's making a list He's making a list He's making a list SAANTA CLAUS IS MAKING A LIST

Terminología de la Copa Mundial

Grenadye alaso! Let's go Haiti!

Mailén and I were riding the bike through Bushnell Park we've and she says, "I want to go look at the pond," so we pull over and she goes to the edge and says, "What's that?" And I reach down to the bottom and pull out this: a souvenir hockey puck from the 1980 winter olympics.

People said New York world riot when the Knicks won, and it didn't. But you know when it will!? When Dolan falls to keep Alvarado.

This dude is extremely good at what he does. This speech is a work of art:

A gentile homie texted me this, without comment, and I love that for me:

Dude keeps playing his cards like this, he'll be mayor forever.

Here is a very short song that gives very specific legal advice, in Portuguese, to people hospitalized for heart problems in Curaçao. This is my magnum opus.

If a soft-porn novel set on the Oregon Trail and written by an anti-vax guy doesn't contain the phrase "you have died of dysentery," there is no justice in this world.

No hospital de Curaçao Padecendo dor de coração Procurei uma procuração Caso falhe minha curação.

Australians think "Socceroos" reminds me of "kangaroos," but it actually reminds me of "Underoos," and that's why they need to stick to rugby or competitive sunburning or whatever they do there.

CONGOOOOOOOOOOOO STAND UP

Let's go DRC!

Doctor: Do you have a copper allergy? Me [1940s movie voice]: Yeah, I hate coppers, see? All of 'em. And stool pigeons, too.

If you have the opportunity to cut the tip of your thumb with a bread knife, I would advise you to decline politely.

You: is there a way we can increase one person’s comfort by 3% while decreasing someone else’s comfort by 60%? Guy who invented reclining airline seats, perking up: I got it

A very cruel thing that the appellate courts of Connecticut do is email you mid morning to tell you that a decision on your case will come out at 3:00. I HAVE TO CONCENTRATE AND DO WORK TODAY. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?!!

Back on my bullshit:

I don't think it's important for lawyers to use fancy language and I don't think linguistic prescriptivism is good, but I love when jerks try really hard because they think it matters to sound high-fallutin' and then use "comprise" when they mean "compose" AND split an infinitive.

This is a great complimentary text I got today:

I love how the only way we can get someone in the mainstream of American politics to state this extremely obvious and true thing is for the person saying it to be a sociopath simpleton who is too unmanageable to remember to parrot received wisdom.

This is good politics. This is how you do it.

there should be a minor league team called the baton rouge battin’ rogues

Also please do something about your hitting staff.

¡Vamos Orientales!

Look at the New Yorkest Knick, Brooklyn's own Jose Alvarado, going to the PR parade in Bushwick.

Christopher Nolan directs: "Odyssey 2: Ithaca is Gorges."

Vamos Cabo Verde, caralho!

Look at the New Yorkest Knick. How can you not love him? Brooklyn, baby.

This Trump guy is so bad at negotiating I feel like he'd go bankrupt running a casino

Me, after a trial:

Watching videos of street celebrations of the Knicks' championship is my identity now.

I saw "Disclosure Day" and it felt like a movie that would have been amazing in 1989 but was earnest to the point of naivete now. You can no longer make a movie that presumes that putting footage on network news that reveals a government cover-up will have a meaningful impact.

Alvarado with the light blue independentista flag!

FUCK IT MEET AT 59TH STREET WE'RE GONNA TEAR DOWN THE CONGESTION PRICING CAMERAS AND WALK THEM 30 BLOCKS UPTOWN AND REINSTALL THEM

Good this makes me miss Brooklyn

Ohhh look at me I'm New York City. I have an awesome basketball team with likeable players and a mayor that cares about making life better for every citizen man fuck you

Mamdani is President now. It's what the Founders would have wanted.

Watching everything be better without you from Albania:

Last time the Knicks were NBA champions was the year the DOJ charged Fred & Donald Trump with housing discrimination based on race.

Victor Wembanyama at the postgame press conference (dejected): This one's on me. I gotta get taller

as always, presenting the trophy to the owner is insane, regardless of the sport

Maybe the best part about the Knicks winning in San Antonio is that Oakley got to be there. Dolan is such a villain.

HISTORY.