This is the energy.

researching baseball

Where do I file a motion to not be in charge of remembering where everyone's stuff is at all times anymore? It has been all day with this shit, and I'm DONE.

Heartbreaking youth baseball loss to an Eagan team extra hurts. 🤬

This is beautiful.

Norm shows up to the bocce final lording his wealth over the opposition

HAPPY PRIDE FUCK ICE

Happy Pride from Otis Beauregard 🏳️‍🌈

A Hennepin Co Sheriff uniform got in the elevator with us at Target Field, and I did not like it one bit.

GUIDE: Welcome to the Great American State Fair! TOURIST: Incredible! And which state are we in right now? GUIDE: (violently shaking their head) Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I talked to 100s of people this afternoon and I can definitively say the best opening line—bar none—is Do you want to hold a sword?

Me: "I needed this." Husband: "It's a beautiful night for baseball." Me: "I meant the donuts."

All of the ponds near my house are covered in algae right now. Every single time I point and say, "Look at the beautiful reflecting pool."

Any time some airplane seat mate says, “Minnesota, huh? Tough weather,” I think of mornings like this. I’m on the porch, it‘s mid 60s, birds are sharing their views, some by chirping and some by landing on signs and nodding emphatically. Unbeatable.

I was a lifelong liberal Democrat. Then I learned that Kat Abughazaleh spent 12 bucks on a basket of fast food shrimp.

I finished "Parable of the Sower" today, and yep.

this is a terrific opening paragraph for a dystopian pulp novel released in 1997

*runs up, out of breath* Am I too late for the shrimp discourse??

Me watching the fledgling birds all day:

If you're flying the old Minnesota flag it's the same as flying a Confederate flag. This isn't hard.

"I have connective tissue disease and am a medical cannabis user, so I typically require more anesthetic," sounds so douchey.

There are many reasons to support Peggy, but (from last year’s event I cohosted) this sure is one of them.

It'd be a scandal for a Cabinet secretary *without* a daughter with Down syndrome to say this, of course, but this really is fucking enraging.

Me: I hate men so much. Husband: Are you gay? Me: I wish. Unfortunately I & other straight women who hate men, continue to prove sexual orientation is definitely not a choice. H: I've never thought of it that way. Me: It's literally all I ever think about. It's why you can't see the group chats.

I can think of few people on the internet I'd want to piss off more than Tim Onion. For like a million reasons.

insane even when you don't consider this is a US Representative elected to represent the people of Minnesota talking about the people of Minnesota he's elected to represent

Racist Announces He's Not Ashamed of Racism

Today in perimenopause, after pitting and slicing a fuckton of cherries, I used baking soda instead of corn starch in my pie filling.

He did not believe me and needed evidence.

Today, we Naz grieved. 🤕

Naz/LaMelo trade summed up: 🐝 Hornets receive: - A local cult Indie musician with a lot of range only played regularly in The Current's rotation. 🐺 Wolves receive: - Viral pop musician who relies on autotune that the kids really enjoy 6️⃣ 7️⃣

How to Talk to Your Children About the Naz Reid Trade

ICE agent Jonathan Ross killed Renee Good and should be indicted. And prosecuted. And if found guilty, imprisoned. Along with every other ICE agent who committed crimes against my neighbors.

Trades can be tough but I can tell you that in Naz Reid you're getting not just a tough player in the paint who can still nail a long jump shot but also an All-Being, master of time, space, and dimension.

Everything is bad so I'm gonna find something good to do today.

If you want to get your blood pressure up this morning

Now I have to wait till my teen son wakes up to break the news. Yuck.

Mood

Please observe my period of mourning, I will be wearing a black veil for 26-27 season

oh no do they not realize they’ve already lost?

Me to a kid wearing a Naz Reid jersey: "Two words!" Him: *stares blankly" Me: "Naz Reid!" Him: "TSR Time?" I scared him a bit with my chortle. 🤣

A huge disruption to the local TSR Time billboard economy.

I am shook. So much love for Naz Reid.

can’t believe a narcissist is being so publicly humiliated by a reflecting pool

Thursday, June 25th at 7pm!

ken martin, every time he hears zohran’s name:

it's funny how this larger national conversation is mirroring the conversations minnesotans are having about the caucuses and convention process for party endorsements. because it is the party base who must be wrong!