my cat spilled my starbucks drink this morning so we’re no longer on speaking terms.

i’ll start posting more leftist stuff since you guys liked it so much. anyone interested to hear about my 8 page final paper on capitalism & patriarchy?

there are two wolves inside of me: one wants to post silly things and the other wants to talk about the government they’re both socialists

Found an old Tampax and inserted it, just to feel something

dick cheney is dead but the bush is still alive (in my pants)

let me be blunt with you. we’ve always been joint at the hip even when we were bong distance. i love you with all my cart

🎶Don’t let your son go down on me🎶

finished a big bio exam today and so i have rewarded myself with ordering $330 worth of stuff from ulta and sephora

“i’m so stressed about money,” i cry to myself as i click the place order button

my affirmations: i am beautiful. i am smart. i am strong. the recycling in the corner is not overflowing. i’m sure it will be fine if i don’t charge my laptop. the cockroaches will stay on the 11th floor far away from me. it rained today so i don’t need to wash my hair for another week.

@charlieaaah.bsky.social is the funniest, smartest daughter a mom could ask for, and she has my heart forever. She’s my best friend and I miss her so much while she’s living her best life away at college.

btw guys it’s still there. carpe diem

found a still-wrapped zyn on the ground this morning. it’s gonna be a good day i can feel it

before college i was worried about spending more time shopping online than studying, so i always make sure to shop while in class so i spend the same amount of time on both 😊 follow for more study tips

if my cat licked makeup off my face is that testing on animals?

my favorites so you guys have a place to start: alice in chains red hot chili peppers the beatles stone temple pilots elton john bob dylan pearl jam the eagles the band led zeppelin

there are so many hot guys at this spirit halloween (has anyone done this one yet?)

So my doctor gets to know alllll about MY medical issues, but I don't get to know about theirs? Kinda feel like that's a bit HIPAAcritical.

The emotional support black and white filter stays on during sex

i just started college & i am looking for new music to listen to- am not the biggest fan of modern music😭 please tell me what y’all listened to when you were in college?

My daughter just liked this post so it was nice knowing you all I’m deactivating now

A beautiful woman keeps calling and saying, “This is an attempt to collect a debt.” I hear you. A debt of love

ah well hey at least groceries are more expensive

My daughter sent me this and I'm dying

this guy just snapped me a video of him singing the ants go marching one by one

my favorite part of buying a new pack of pens is getting to circumcise each one before using them 🤍

FB MOMBRAG POST: this brilliant, hilarious beauty has moved into her college dorm. I’ve never missed anyone so much, but also never been so proud. Pre-med with a double major in neuroscience and biochemistry. I feel like I need a maternity test to prove she’s mine. (Photo posted with her permish)

but bro have you even tried listening to audioslave about it?

Jimmy cracked corn and I do care (empath)

girls be posting their bfs to sade’s no ordinary love and it be the most ordinary mf you’ve ever seen

this is how bad of aim my ex had

heres a pic from my gay ass training yesterday

I have done so many kegels today I could open your super resistant pickle jar.

meet my twins indica and sativa

If you want to know what our geese are saying, feel free to use Gaggle Translate.

Every walk I do is a walk of shame.

Due to extinction concerns with some subspecies of zebras, we have added some Foot Locker employees to the zebra exhibit. Please be respectful during this transition.

The Birds of Pray enclosure will be closed from 5-7 tonight for Bible Study.

Urban sprawl has pushed coyotes beyond their native environments, some now even living in the suburbs (for those of you who wondered why a framed "Live Love Laugh" sign popped up in the coyote enclosure).

you know life is getting rough when you fall asleep to happy gilmore

having a fat ass is not all it’s cracked up to be

booty is in the thighs of the beholder

No man feared the electric chair more than that Amish murderer.

Boomba is sorry for her recent attack on a visitor. But in her defense, the woman’s heavily rhinestone-encrusted jeans temporarily blinded the chimp with rage.

this is who runs this account (featuring robot dad in the background so you guys can see if my sims version was accurate)

i showed my robot dad his sim (far left) and he thought it was hilarious. also i forgot to make him straight so he started flirting with the one on the far right…oopsies!

Our present and past/escaped contributors do amazing work here on Bluesky for which they are compensated handsomely. Still, throw them a pity follow. We'll count it as their Christmas bonus. go.bsky.app/4yomz8H

Yes, Sharon from Culinary Services slept with the health inspector to help pass inspection, but to be fair, she would’ve anyway.

Due to reports of fraudulent activity with the River Side Passport Punch Cards, we will now be using retinal scanning to verify punches. Dwayne at the Punch Club Kiosk will be looking deeply into members’ eyes to determine sincerity.

enough likes and i’ll make another house with my own exes and put my current boyfriend in there too for extra drama