they got under the covers w me during my nap today and I really need them to stop involving me in whatever this is

fr they said “your 30s will be great” and then this fucker got even more prominent than he already was

What’s the name of that judge who didn’t sentence him for those 34 felony convictions

ngl im more concerned about the cost to Iranian families

once again I am saying this

A wire got crossed in my brain. The song I now have stuck in my head is the lyrics of Country Roads to the tune of Single Ladies

Trebek: “A pin-worthy tweet from acclaimed user @ilikemints attributed the quote, “im crey” to one of these”

It's niche, but a rousing rendition of The Banana Boat Song would be a real hit with the dozens of us who still remember the Legends of Tomorrow "Moonshot" episode!

The odds of one of the astronauts ripping one and then going "more like Fartemis" are higher than zero.

I took tomorrow off work :)

I was stopped at a red light behind an suv w a bumper sticker of an assault rifle w the caption “don’t worry, it identifies as a crossbow” and it’s a good thing the light turned green bc my intrusive thoughts have never in my life come so close to winning

Red Bull gives you wings but Nutella gets you to the f*****g moon

Not to brag but I’ve eaten 3 chocolate ice cream cones in the past 30 hours

Impossible to overstate how profane that tweet is on any day, but doing it on Easter is unspeakably evil

I didn’t realize I hadn’t changed my socks until I put my running shoes on, at which point I was too lazy to go change my socks, so I ran in my super fuzzy socks AND I LIKED IT, they were nice and warm!

This explains why they didn’t show a replay on the Guardians feed lol

what’s he thinkin

Idk why the Guardians tv feed just showed a montage of Kenny Lofton playing basketball in college (I’m listening to the radio feed synced to the tv) but he was wearing short shorts and look hot as hell so I’m not complaining

For those wondering when we’ll get a DeLauter-Adell matchup: the Guardians play the Angel in Cleveland in May & in Anaheim in August

They Shoot Seahorses, Don’t They?

let’s get you some fruit

I woke up at 10:30, got out of bed at 11, didn’t have time to eat anything before I left the house, so this Culver’s grilled cheese, fries, and root beer at 1:45 pm was an all-timer of a meal. I blurted “ohhh yesss” at one point when biting into a crispy perfect fry 😅

If i got kids shoes…hmmmm?

I just traded it in. Anyone want to guess the trade in value?

holy crap I took cat medicine and I think it helped??????

Chase DeLauter

Connor Brogdon vs Dansby Swanson

Well well well, if it isn’t the blowjob brothers

sorry to boost a followerless dipshit but lmao it’s so breathtakingly stupid

obviously I knew who Georgia O’Keeffe was before I got the calendar but when I flipped to April just now I almost did a spit take

If I had a Time Machine I’d get on a 9/11 plane and crash it into the NYT office

If he makes it easier for the wealthier to live there, they should probably vote for him

Wow, unfollowing now. I didn’t realize he thought babies belong behind drywall

He looks like he’s being born

bro since when has there been a Footville, Wisconsin

I did not expect to be jump scared by a Charles Barkley blimp during my commute. 😂

Buying frozen edamame is funny bc the instructions are like “boil half a cup of edamame in 2 quarts of water” bitch please! I do not need to use that much water for this

The thing about this is: you can’t know whether a chatbot is wrong unless you either already know the answer (then why ask the question) or verify the answer from a real source (again: why ask the question instead of going to the source) The real reason for chatbots is to be a vacuum for all clicks

It also blows that they’re going to say “look how successful this was bc we cut out the fat from nasa” when in reality this was successful *despite* the cuts

“You still have to do email” then what is the fucking POINT of going to THE MOON!!!!!!

hm gonna need a bit more information how many luigis total is charlie day aware of

The funny thing about Jose Ramirez is that he has a baby face and never looks happy

moby-dick, his eyes enormous: from hell's heart you STAB at moby? for hate's sake you spit your last BREATH at moby? oh! oh! the great shroud of the sea for ahab! the great shroud of the sea rolling on as it rolled five thousand years ago!!!!

I DONT LIKE THE MOONS HAUNTED TWEET. THERE I SAID IT. IT DOESNT AMUSE ME AT ALL

Seeing Americans approach the moon

Wait is that liftoff rn? I just turned it on at exactly the right moment completely accidentally. I was trying to watch a YouTube yoga video and it logged me out of YouTube on my tv. That made me accidentally switch back to the regular broadcast tv input *exactly* at liftoff

wild how much the walking pad helps me focus. 1.2 mph, sometimes up to 1.5, is just enough to give my body something to do while my mind hones in on my work. Also I got a stroller fan bc now that it’s not assbutt cold out I am overheating

I have been watching a lot of reels of @halfmoonjoe.com playing Desperate Housewives, wherein everyone drives a Chrysler Pacifica, so I can only read “Chrysler Pacifica” in his voice (this is a good thing)