I wonder if those Parisian thieves need an extra set of hands from a suburban American burnout.

I have never seen such a perfect image

final score broncos 33 giants 32

Do you think he gets his diapers personalized with, "king trump?"

I'd be there, but I dont want to get the rest of y'all sick. I almost passed out, walking my dog around the block. Sorry and THANK YOU to those who showed up!

This game is historic.

Dear Brewers fans, At least this isn't happening in a World Series. Signed, a (still traumatized from '07) Rockies fan

Tater Tots is short for Potatoes Tottenham hotspur

Dear America, Please fix your other problems before getting to this complaint. But mobile ordering has made all fast food as slow as sit down restaurants. Again, please fix stuff like, y'know, human rights violations and deficit stuff first, but I'd like to add this to the bottom of the list.

ICE in DC, driving a white SUV with Ohio Plates. Need to dox him and his entire life. If migrants deserve no peace, then this mofo deserves none.

That was insane!!! One of the greatest doubl plays of all time!

Dear Furries, I know I've had my prejudices against you in the past. I'm a cartoon lover and I truly don't get you. With that being said, it would be super funny, and maybe helpful, if you all showed up to back up the inflatables. Love, Luke

Ugh! I keep forgetting that playoff games on TBS are available through my HBO account, until the day after the game.

Don't give to the Salvation Army this season. Keep boxes of Pop-Tarts or clothes in your car to give to people who could use some help, instead. Also there is nothing wrong with giving money to people in need. Where they spend it is their business... just know you did the right thing.

Bad Bunny is pop, right? Not really my thing. Still gonna watch because the Half Time Show is nearly always fun to talk about the next day. It's so fucking weird to me how up-in-arms people are getting about an American performing at the Super Bowl.

C'mon bot followers! Let's make this happen!!! 💪

Did these pictures come from Santa's Grindr profile?

Yep

The John Fetterman for Marjorie Taylor Greene trade has apparently been approved by the commissioner.

Nice try, “Paul A. Thompson”

Wait. Is there no ghost runner in the post season?

Fuck UHC!

Wrote about why it *really* feels like Stephen Miller's nuclear-level on-air gaffe should be getting more attention. badfaithtimes.com/the-stephen-...

If you get arrested, tell them you're related to the founder of Antifa. Everyone do this.

Pretty sure I've read every possible take, positive and negative, on Taylor Swift, imaginable, in the past week. It hasn't done anything to change my apathy about her or her music. I still just don't care. Now, I've got some opinions on the new records by AFI and NIN.

Facebook Reels like: I learned this simple trick from a professions [insert trademan] and it's just a much more complicated way of performing an easy task.

My nose is so runny thay if you were to decapitate me, my head would weigh 10lbs less, now, than it did this morning.

WHY DOES EVERYTHING HURT AND WHEN WILL I FEEL JOY AGAIN!!!!!!!

I've never pardoned a pun in my goddamned life

If all of this is Karma for when we excused Ace of Bass for being Nazis because The Sign was too damned catchy, it feels like a bit much. We've learned our fucking lesson.

Whoever came up with the new Verizon ad campaign was clearly raised on the Quizno's Spongemonkeys .

On the plus side, the current administration has given blueprints of villains, to fiction writers to use for centuries.

The people who have an issue with Bad Bunny doing the Half Time show, probably don't realize the alternative was probably gonna be Green Day and those motherfuckers don't hold back and their anti-MAGA agenda isn't hidden behind symbolism, like Kendrick. Count your blessings, deplorables.

I love the music suggestions that people post. My playlists have so much more music than they used to have. But damn! Post YouTube instead of Spotify. I'm not opening your Spotify suggestions and fucking up my carefully curated algorithm.

My trash company and I have vastly different definitions of the word, "exciting."

Attempting to assasinate Grok to impress Tilly Norwood

The shame of having nudes leaked to the internet won't hold a candle to people finding old photos of someone in a MAGA hat.

I don't know if it counts as a prediction, if they have control over it.

Otto: They call 'em fingers, but you never see them fing. Oh! There they go.

Dammit, Doritos! You came so close! Just release a Pizza flavored Dorito. It doesn't need to be bagged with any other flavors. While you're at it, do a teriyaki flavor too.

Thinking of dropping health insurance and replacing it with a cyanide capsule.

There's a tune in the new Sonic Racing game that is the catchiest damned thing I've heard in years!

This is really bad. It won’t get the popular opposition the Kimmel incident did, but it’s way more sweeping and authoritarian. This is an effort to bring the full force of government down on any and all opposition to this administration. www.whitehouse.gov/presidential...

Fuck you Ted Cruz. Don't tell me to stop calling ICE agents, Nazis. They're fucking Nazis and you sound like one too.

He launched a more powerful defense of journalism than the vast majority of mainstream journalists have and that's an indictment of them.

Fuck sake. I'm literally just writing a Word document and saving it to my hard drive. STOP ASKING ME TO USE YOUR SHITTY AI AND YOUR SHITTY CLOUD SERVICE. Why is this decades old basic task such a fucking chore now? It's broiling my shit.