Thank god I grew up with stuffing because if I’d never heard of it before and someone showed up to my house as an adult with wet bread and celery casserole my first instinct would be to beat their ass.

Feels very cool that you simply cannot be sure what foods are and are not safe to eat anymore.

In 2019 when Trump nominated Ratcliffe to be DNI, everyone said "That guy? Who knows nothing about intelligence, and is a complete clown?" Trump had to withdraw his nomination. And today he's like the 2nd or 3rd most qualified person Trump is nominating, so even Dems are like "Sigh, OK I guess"

"but what can I do I don't have the skills to undermine a fascist regime" — if you are a bluesky user YES YOU CAN

could not possibly agree more, make them work for every single thing that they do in congress employ roughly 18000 lawyers ready to challenge everything the executive does in court over and over and over again to delay as much as possible find your own Reed O'Connor to help with that

I absolutely love manifesting* *having the money to buy a thing I want

Thank god I grew up with stuffing because if I’d never heard of it before and someone showed up to my house as an adult with wet bread and celery casserole my first instinct would be to beat their ass.

Former Amazon worker here; do not cross this picket line. Don't do it. Don't even order from them (unless absolutely necessary). They're a disgusting company to work for and the reason for my knee problems that required years of physical therapy. Fuck Amazon. We stand with the workers! 👊🏻✨

Realizing that Tom Hanks is married to a woman named Rita WILSON. Holy shit.

Orcas have started wearing dead salmon as hats again, just fyi www.iflscience.com/wearing-a-sa...

one thing about me is that I am never going to forget to cancel a free trial. i feel it in my bones when i have a pending charge. my body keeps score. you will not be getting that payment.

one thing this app doesn’t have is the thread about Mrs. Doubtfires tits being on fire

good morning, i’ve donated $5 to mona if anyone can match me ❤️ gofund.me/b2c3ad0b

the smallest possible amount a tongue can be sticking out :)

despite the world becoming scary i still have a perhaps niave but unwaivering belief that a better world is possible

bleak thrift store find

one thing about this app that has some real appeal is that my boyfriend has vowed to never be on it so I can say some real insane shit (and his friends will send him screenshots)

Putting an overtired baby to sleep will make you the most superstitious person alive.

why are so many supposedly smart and rational people unprepared to confront the reality of what happens to a human body when they spend a significant amount of time outside the earth's magnetosphere

Leaf blowers are my enemy. Loud, ecologically disastrous, wasteful, sanitizing monsters. We already have a leaf blower, and it’s the wind. And she is beautiful. You want to mimic the wind? You want to tell her how to do her job?? You prick.

Anyone making a top 10 albums of all time list and not putting this on there is not a serious person.

I love Joe Mazzula, his brain is just so different from anyone else's he's a marvel of nature. Like when scientists discover a fish they thought had been extinct for 200 million years.

I really really think I would thrive in the conclave. Like I’m not just saying this.

can’t remember who I recognize from twitter (positive) and who I recognize from twitter (negative)

cultivating an entirely new vibe over here. pls forget any opinion you had about me before thank you.

I think that I’m handling my anxiety well (in the 9 days since the election I have reread all 5 Emily Henry books very tensely, very compulsively.)

they will never get me to quit any site :)

Watched the first fast and furious and I had forgotten a few things including an f slur in the first 20 min but the best thing I had forgotten about is the big drag race in the middle of the desert halfway through the movie that is called "Race Wars"

Amazon roasting my ass

The name Garret is so insane to me like just name your kid Carrot if you want to so bad.

Do they have good taste or are they just mean?

Worth noting that What's Hot Classic isn't some bullshit like For You. It's basically every post in the firehose (depending on your language setting) that's getting faves.

Everyone on here is apparently legally obligated to post some version of “maybe it’s not cool to be sincere but I’m actually bummed about Twitter dying”

The hour after I take nudes but before I hide them in my camera roll where I accidentally almost attach a photo of my tits to every single email, tweet, and text.

When they tried to use AI to replace fashion models, they started with Black models first. When they tried to use AI to replace musicians, they started with rappers. Not digital Taylor Swift, or virtual Miley Cyrus. Even the NFT clowns tried to make an NFT rapper, whatever that means. Not slick.

“Your post has been published.” Please let’s not use the verb published for when I type “white cats creep me out fr” onto the internet

Got bored at work and made a map of all the people in Virginia Woolf’s family and their incestuous affairs and assaults.

god I fucking love cyberbullying

in the meantime, remember when Jimmy Fallon forgot to log out of his main account and thanked himself for donating money

Everyone hates my idea to name a dog Porno but I’m right

38 years ago today, Philadelphia police bombed a residential block in West Philly, murdering 11 people—6 adults and 5 children, all members of the radical Black liberation group MOVE—and burning 61 homes. In 2020, the City Council finally apologized. https://t.co/l6llQsZDLo

Huge pivot, massive rebrand for me here. I’m never annoying. Please keep this in mind

Genuinely can’t believe how uncool vaping made smoking. Like sorry just get cancer.

Harden turning back the clock tonight.

face down on a massage table eating its ass

actually it’s hot and elegant of me to not know wtf a domain is