A writer in LA is like an old-timey door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman, only you have to pitch your way thru everyone in the house, including the dog, and no one’s ever home. And you have to make the vacuums. Eventually, months later, they let you know they’ve decided to stick with a broom.

“Kryptonite doesn’t hurt Superman. His body, on a subatomic level, recognizes the rock. It knows what it is, and that he belongs there, and it understands that he will never be there again. What brings him to his knees isn’t pain, it’s the sadness of knowing he can never go home.” -Don Draper

Going to start banging this drum regularly for the next month: the upcoming season of Jeopardy! will be STREAMING NEXT DAY on Peacock and Hulu. For the first time ever!! Cord cutters: time to get back into it!!!

I like the therapy seasons that are like a grab bag, after a week when not much is going on. “Things are okay. Pretty good… I forgot to workout yesterday. Also, I thought about this toy I had when I was 9… Oh, I got sad about a squirrel? Should I- Do you want me to talk about that?”

Literally begging people to stop saying “one hundred percent.” It’s a plague. Maybe even just change the percentage? To mix it up a little? Yes it’s probably weird that this bothers me.

Literally begging people to stop saying “one hundred percent.” It’s a plague. Maybe even just change the percentage? To mix it up a little? Yes it’s probably weird that this bothers me.

Please, please, please stop using AI for bits and jokes. It’s so dumb. We all know it’s bad at doing everything, there’s gotta be a better way of making that tired point that doesn’t burn hundreds of gallons of water and energy. You’re (probably) better than this!

There should be a time in the group chat where one person is like, “Okay guys, great work all around, but we’re shutting it down for a bit. See you all tomorrow.” Otherwise it never ends. Are we going all night?! Someone’s gotta step in!!

There’s a coffee shop in Burbank called “Romancing the Bean” which sounds gross and doesn’t even rhyme and it kills me that they didn’t call it “Romancing the Scone” and it bothers me every time I walk by.

It’s a punching an extra hole into my leather belt kind of day.

I wrote a western short story and then someone agreed to publish it! I’m basically Elmore Leonard! a.co/d/9vQNEmC

This makes me question Gandalf’s politics.

I was the first guy to say "Hoppy Easter." That was me. That's why I'm drunk on a yacht and you're Joe PunchClock down at the Shit Factory.

This was very fun and you should listen!

Won’t you join us for The Great North tonight on Fox or tomorrow on Hulu?

Gonna post one of those bottle drop vids where you roll a glass jar full of marbles down concrete steps and halfway down the owner of the stairs runs out and beats the shit out of me.

Never, at any point in history, have more people needed to be punched in the face.

My dog’s track record for identifying actual threats and then alerting me to them via barking is TERRIBLE. All of her instincts are wrong! At this point, it’s embarrassing. She’s like 0-550,000.

My original story for @thenation.com is right here: www.thenation.com/article/cult...

Watched a Twilight Zone about a newspaper reporter who interviews a mysteriously young-looking actress who turns out to be Cleopatra. So unrealistic!! No one makes a living as a newspaper reporter.

Hey Bust A Moon Adventure came out, written by super funny guy @kevinseccia.bsky.social and directed by the always wonderful Karen Hydendahl! Here's some development sketches I did (holy crap how many accordion guys did I draw for this) #TheGreatNorth #Hulu

Daredevil: Born Again is great but I’m not sure the threat of an insane madman controlling ONE city packs quite the punch it once did.

New COLLEGE TOWN! Feat. @nickmandernach.bsky.social & @kevinseccia.bsky.social!! Hosted by Jan & Beebo (Seth Morris!) Dangerous daughters, David Schwimmer, butts, fights & more! Produced by @scottaukerman.bsky.social @brettmorris.bsky.social @cbbworld.bsky.social www.comedybangbangworld.com

There are a lot more assholes than there used to be. In 2010 I knew like one asshole, and saw a few more on TV. Now it’s just wall to wall assholes. Assholes all over everything, daily life, public life, the internet, assholes just marching around all day loudly reveling in being an asshole.

You may disagree with the academy but the important thing is that art competes against other art and then one of them is declared the winner.

I’ve been stress watching a lot of videos where they make old-timey hard candy by hand. Is uh that good?

Very excited to see SNL finally getting some attention. I might be the first to say it, it’s a comedy institution! Also, imho it has been on for 50 years. Great to see people finally writing about this show that airs on Saturday nights and also normalized a dictator.

The Great North returns this Sunday on Fox, Monday on Hulu! We don’t get a lot of promotion to be honest so if you like it, tell a friend, and if you are an entertainment writer please FEEL FREE to cover us!

Conservatives who watched Fox News damaged this country more than liberals who watched The West Wing. But I bet it’s closer than we think.

A funny thing to remember about Elon Musk is he challenged Zuckerberg to a fight, and then when Zuckerberg was into it he immediately came up with excuses, ran away, and tried to pretend the whole thing never happened. Like, imagine trying to act tough and then being scared of that guy. Haha loser.

When someone is taller than me it’s like, whoa, insecure much? I wonder what you’re compensating for…

Last night I had a waiter who said “fuck” and I was like, whoa, I like this guy! But then he said it again, and then a third time and honestly that was too much. Like, alright, wild man. Are you about to flip the table? Let’s take it easy.

No one’s talking about the real problem: Hit men suffering an injury and temporarily losing all their memories. Your chances of losing your memories are like 85% higher if you’re a hit man. And most of them are then forced to take regular everyday jobs in out of the way towns. We need to do better!

Wrote a new Substack post about ways of observing other people. thefightinglife.substack.com/p/everything...

“I’ve never had a cartoon killed because of who or what I chose to aim my pen at. Until now.” Why Ann Telnaes quit her editorial cartoonist job at the Washington Post and why she’s my newest hero anntelnaes.substack.com/p/why-im-qui...

My eccentric uncle just insisted I wear a hideous mask until midnight, otherwise I don’t get my inheritance. Haha, whatever, I can’t wait to take it off with zero repercussions and then spend all that money!

I don’t want to ever have to hear another thing about Bob Dylan. Same with the Beatles. There’s gotta be other stuff to hear about out there, I’m almost positive. There has to be. Please.

My frankincense is tingling! Which means Christmas is here! (Or a Frankenstein intends to do me harm.)

Every gym should have a back door, so the employee who saw you coming in doesn’t see you leave after 23 minutes.

I want to be one of those houses that goes all out for Christmas, but, slightly more than that, I want to not spend hundreds of dollars and hours of my time on it. It’s a real conundrum.

My Christmas tree is dropping more needles than the prop guy on The Wire! (This joke only kind of works… sort of like this website!! Haha yes, I’m back, guys.)

A charming holiday display? Wrong. This guy tried to take his own life this morning. He’s alive, but both his legs are broken. His screams will echo in my mind for eternity.

The Flash is lucky because he can run real fast but also because he lives in a world where every problem can be solved by running real fast.

Pulp Fiction would’ve been better if between the baseball bat and samurai sword, Bruce Willis had tentatively picked up a bike horn, honked it, then shook his head.

I introduced two people who then became good friends. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask that every time they hangout they take a moment to say, “Wow, all of this is because of Kevin.”

Had no idea he was buried in Burbank, a few blocks from me, on a residential street in some guy’s yard. I pass this house all year long and only just noticed it! So cool.

My cousin just added me to a sixteen person text thread for her wedding. I recognize two numbers. The last text that came in was just a voice note of an old man saying “Hello?” in a confused voice.

I get the feeling tonight’s the last night for the arugula in my fridge. As long as I can eat seven bowls of it I should be okay.

Every show should just be Raylan Givens bantering across a table with an adversary for 44 minutes. Sometimes it’s a bad guy but also throw in random characters, Ben Franklin, Dracula, maybe a robot. Like the Raylan Givens talk show but they’re both armed and anything can happen.