Whoa, look out 2017!

There should be a show called Jeopardy: Anecdotes where it’s just charming stories. Everyone gets like 7 minutes with Ken, going back and forth, and then MAYBE you answer a few clues about your favorite subject. Then the audience votes on the winner.

There should be a show called Jeopardy: Anecdotes where it’s just charming stories. Everyone gets like 7 minutes with Ken, going back and forth, and then MAYBE you answer a few clues about your favorite subject. Then the audience votes on the winner.

That’s definitely the reason. For sure. The first thing that comes to mind when someone mentions Harry Potter is “liberalism.”

This dumb motherfucker is trying to refute countless photos, videos, firsthand accounts and the eyes of anyone with a working brain with, “one time I heard a crazy story.”

Landman starring Billy Bob Thornton? What’s next, Waterwoman asterisking Barry Weave Roseounce?!

It turns out BOTH guests @benjaminjs.bsky.social & @kevinseccia.bsky.social are on Bluesky. Somehow I know this is Timmy’s fault.

New COLLEGE TOWN! Feat. @kevinseccia.bsky.social & Ben Siemon! Hosted by Jan & Beebo (me & Seth Morris!) Beebo schools Jan about bananas as the government closes in! & more! Produced by @scottaukerman.bsky.social @brettmorris.bsky.social @cbbworld.bsky.social www.comedybangbangworld.com

The city should let a couple of people each month cover themselves in bubble wrap and then get picked up by the garbage truck claw thing. Just a few times, up and down, and they put it on the local news.

Aside from being fascist fucking cowards, every ICE guy looks like the biggest loser you’ve ever met, on the worst day of their life. Just a sloppy, watery-eyed yokel, white-knuckling his way through a divorce, dribbling chaw down his goatee, and furious about an OF model who won’t message him back.

In Jurassic Park, why did Dr. Grant climb all the way down the tree to outrun the falling SUV, rather than climb around to the other side of the tree? If I’d been at that park it wouldn’t have went down like it did.

If I ask my therapist about her other clients and if she ever had one that was a murderer or in the mob and if I’m her favorite client or not, that shouldn’t count against my time.

There are some good deals out there on Santa Traps, if you search around!

I love the gym. So many great machines targeting every muscle group that people can use to check their phones.

In this week's newsletter @jamesfolta.com and I round up funny writing by Carly Silverman in @pointsincase.com, and Emily Berge, Fletcher Michael, and @kevinseccia.bsky.social in @mcsweeneys.net! Plus, a recent piece by James for @literaryhub.bsky.social Check it out & subscribe at the link below.

Don’t be a piece of shit, or don’t date songwriters. You really gotta pick one.

A writer in LA is like an old-timey door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman, only you have to pitch your way thru everyone in the house, including the dog, and no one’s ever home. And you have to make the vacuums. Eventually, months later, they let you know they’ve decided to stick with a broom.

“Kryptonite doesn’t hurt Superman. His body, on a subatomic level, recognizes the rock. It knows what it is, and that he belongs there, and it understands that he will never be there again. What brings him to his knees isn’t pain, it’s the sadness of knowing he can never go home.” -Don Draper

Going to start banging this drum regularly for the next month: the upcoming season of Jeopardy! will be STREAMING NEXT DAY on Peacock and Hulu. For the first time ever!! Cord cutters: time to get back into it!!!

I like the therapy seasons that are like a grab bag, after a week when not much is going on. “Things are okay. Pretty good… I forgot to workout yesterday. Also, I thought about this toy I had when I was 9… Oh, I got sad about a squirrel? Should I- Do you want me to talk about that?”

Literally begging people to stop saying “one hundred percent.” It’s a plague. Maybe even just change the percentage? To mix it up a little? Yes it’s probably weird that this bothers me.

Literally begging people to stop saying “one hundred percent.” It’s a plague. Maybe even just change the percentage? To mix it up a little? Yes it’s probably weird that this bothers me.

Please, please, please stop using AI for bits and jokes. It’s so dumb. We all know it’s bad at doing everything, there’s gotta be a better way of making that tired point that doesn’t burn hundreds of gallons of water and energy. You’re (probably) better than this!

There should be a time in the group chat where one person is like, “Okay guys, great work all around, but we’re shutting it down for a bit. See you all tomorrow.” Otherwise it never ends. Are we going all night?! Someone’s gotta step in!!

There’s a coffee shop in Burbank called “Romancing the Bean” which sounds gross and doesn’t even rhyme and it kills me that they didn’t call it “Romancing the Scone” and it bothers me every time I walk by.

It’s a punching an extra hole into my leather belt kind of day.

I wrote a western short story and then someone agreed to publish it! I’m basically Elmore Leonard! a.co/d/9vQNEmC

This makes me question Gandalf’s politics.

I was the first guy to say "Hoppy Easter." That was me. That's why I'm drunk on a yacht and you're Joe PunchClock down at the Shit Factory.

This was very fun and you should listen!

Won’t you join us for The Great North tonight on Fox or tomorrow on Hulu?

Gonna post one of those bottle drop vids where you roll a glass jar full of marbles down concrete steps and halfway down the owner of the stairs runs out and beats the shit out of me.

Never, at any point in history, have more people needed to be punched in the face.

My dog’s track record for identifying actual threats and then alerting me to them via barking is TERRIBLE. All of her instincts are wrong! At this point, it’s embarrassing. She’s like 0-550,000.

My original story for @thenation.com is right here: www.thenation.com/article/cult...

Watched a Twilight Zone about a newspaper reporter who interviews a mysteriously young-looking actress who turns out to be Cleopatra. So unrealistic!! No one makes a living as a newspaper reporter.

Hey Bust A Moon Adventure came out, written by super funny guy @kevinseccia.bsky.social and directed by the always wonderful Karen Hydendahl! Here's some development sketches I did (holy crap how many accordion guys did I draw for this) #TheGreatNorth #Hulu

Daredevil: Born Again is great but I’m not sure the threat of an insane madman controlling ONE city packs quite the punch it once did.

New COLLEGE TOWN! Feat. @nickmandernach.bsky.social & @kevinseccia.bsky.social!! Hosted by Jan & Beebo (Seth Morris!) Dangerous daughters, David Schwimmer, butts, fights & more! Produced by @scottaukerman.bsky.social @brettmorris.bsky.social @cbbworld.bsky.social www.comedybangbangworld.com

There are a lot more assholes than there used to be. In 2010 I knew like one asshole, and saw a few more on TV. Now it’s just wall to wall assholes. Assholes all over everything, daily life, public life, the internet, assholes just marching around all day loudly reveling in being an asshole.

You may disagree with the academy but the important thing is that art competes against other art and then one of them is declared the winner.

I’ve been stress watching a lot of videos where they make old-timey hard candy by hand. Is uh that good?

Very excited to see SNL finally getting some attention. I might be the first to say it, it’s a comedy institution! Also, imho it has been on for 50 years. Great to see people finally writing about this show that airs on Saturday nights and also normalized a dictator.

The Great North returns this Sunday on Fox, Monday on Hulu! We don’t get a lot of promotion to be honest so if you like it, tell a friend, and if you are an entertainment writer please FEEL FREE to cover us!

Conservatives who watched Fox News damaged this country more than liberals who watched The West Wing. But I bet it’s closer than we think.

A funny thing to remember about Elon Musk is he challenged Zuckerberg to a fight, and then when Zuckerberg was into it he immediately came up with excuses, ran away, and tried to pretend the whole thing never happened. Like, imagine trying to act tough and then being scared of that guy. Haha loser.

When someone is taller than me it’s like, whoa, insecure much? I wonder what you’re compensating for…

Last night I had a waiter who said “fuck” and I was like, whoa, I like this guy! But then he said it again, and then a third time and honestly that was too much. Like, alright, wild man. Are you about to flip the table? Let’s take it easy.

No one’s talking about the real problem: Hit men suffering an injury and temporarily losing all their memories. Your chances of losing your memories are like 85% higher if you’re a hit man. And most of them are then forced to take regular everyday jobs in out of the way towns. We need to do better!