New COLLEGE TOWN! Feat. @allanmcleod.bsky.social & Brittani Nichols!! Hosted by Jan & Beebo (me & Seth Morris)! Expressing your darkness, sharks riding motorcycles, Beebo’s butt & more! Produced by @scottaukerman.bsky.social @brettmorris.bsky.social @cbbworld.bsky.social comedybangbangworld.com

Nostalgic for a time before summer could kill you.

I will never understand the thinking behind, “It seemed like you were going through a lot so I didn’t want to bother you.” Oh, you can always bother me IN HELL.

I like to say, “Sorry I’m such a slow eater” when someone finishes their food before I do so they can say, “No, no, I’m a really fast eater,” and then we can both sit there thinking, “I’m not sure that was a true statement about myself.”

It’s such a clarifying moment when you complain about something and the person you’re with, who is in no way responsible for say, mosquitos, gives a little put-upon sigh and says “I’m sorry” and you realize they don’t share your love of complaining like it’s a partner sport.

I have really lost my mind because I just keep replaying Trump saying “I’m not a rapist” like he’s doing an impression of Speedy Gonzalez and I cannot stop laughing. I find none of it funny and all of it hilarious. I guess send help?

Youth, support, luck, health That’s my grocery list.

I have successfully separated the art from the artist. I am an artist, and I never make any art.

Men are only truly feminists if they do these things: -Pee sitting down -Refuse to have kids past the age a woman can -Insist women make as much $ -Change their name when they get married -Spend thousands of years supporting women in leadership and creative fields before breaking in themselves.

I miss when “slow boil” was just a metaphor.

New COLLEGE TOWN! Feat. @marysasson.bsky.social & @paigeelson.bsky.social!! Hosted by Jan & Beebo (me & Seth Morris)! A surprise for Beebo! A scary boy-mom! A game from a Kevin! & more! Produced by @scottaukerman.bsky.social @brettmorris.bsky.social @cbbworld.bsky.social comedybangbangworld.com

I broke my rule about never being allowed to watch Inception again and guys, this AI nightmare/ billionaire villains/ Hollywood dying world CANNOT be real. I have an idea… so there’s this train…

I copy/pasted my wordle chain’s heads as kids into a still from Stand By Me and now I so wish we had grown up together and seen a dead body on summer vacation.

Sometimes someone will post about being shadow banned and I’m like, this sounds a lot like, “My phone must be broken, no one has texted me.”

Sometimes nothing hits the spot like standing at the counter squeezing lemon juice into a spoon with one hand and honey into it with the other and sucking up the lemon honey until you finish the lemon and your tooth enamel is gone.

I was hoping this would be specific only to 2020…

I don’t know who started calling absolutely hellacious experiences “a journey” but I’d bet my bottom dollar they’re from LA.

New COLLEGE TOWN!Feat. Betsy Sodaro & Gilli Nissim!!! Hosted by Jan & Beebo (me & Seth Morris!) Science lab escapees! Sniffing celebs! Things we miss about mama! & more! Produced by @scottaukerman.bsky.social @brettmorris.bsky.social @cbbworld.bsky.social comedybangbangworld.com

I’m thinking of auditioning myself as the kind of person who asks questions by saying, “Is there a world where…” I’ll let you know if I book it!

I woke up in a mood. And the wordle felt hard. And now you will all suffer.

Par for the course? Sorry I don’t speak boring-man. Par for the horse, you mean?

When you guys use the blender do you leave the lid open? Or close it? And follow up: Ok, so you don’t want fruit spraying around but when you leave the lid up to flush the toilet, you’re ok with shit and piss mist everywhere? Just trying to wrap my mind around your fetishes.

If the word “debauchery” is in the description, I will not want to see the movie. I prefer characters go to bed at a reasonable hour and have emotional conflicts after coffee and a good breakfast. Please, no scenes in Vegas. If a character says “No thanks I’m not hungry” I’m out.

What news story was this 2014 tweet in reference to? I don’t know but I feel it’s evergreen even without context.

I’ve scrolled through the entire internet twice just today.

New COLLEGE TOWN! Feat. fan fave Mark Rennie & Jennie Pierson! Hosted by Jan & Beebo (me & Seth Morris!) Intimate leg throws! Romantic questions! A date with a donut!!! & more! Produced by @scottaukerman.bsky.social @brettmorris.bsky.social @cbbworld.bsky.social comedybangbangworld.com

Not me taking mental note of the smart things an activist is talking about on Instagram while also taking a screenshot so I can copy her hair and makeup.

Is there anything more life affirming than when you and bird startle each other at the same time?

A decade ago the country elected a known rapist. And from that day forward we’re supposed to make our little phone calls to our reps about the other bad things the rapist and his friends keep doing? I’ll make them but like, gosh, I feel like we saw this coming?

Words that have been slung at me today as if they should be helpful but make me feel attacked: “Unplug your HDMI cable.” “Clear its data and cache.” You can’t bully me into this century by acting like these are normal things to know. I’ll sooner walk into the sea where such things would perish.

Me reading the word “hors d’oeuvre” as a child: whores devour what? What is it that whores eat??

“The shift to AI is inevitable” is giving “boys will be boys.” Bots will be bots?

Let’s mix it up, shall we? I need laundry advice. Washing machine was backing up with sulfur-smelling gunk (now fixed!) but lots of my clothes still REEK. I did soaks in: vinegar, baking soda, ocyclean, borax, and now trying ammonia. I don’t wanna cover with other gross chemical fragrances. Ideas?

The genius that is B cam and editing cutting to the animals’ reactions in Love on the Spectrum is especially spectacular this season.

New COLLEGE TOWN! Feat. @electrolemon.bsky.social & Pam Murphy! Hosted by Jan & Beebo (me & Seth Morris!) Timmy’s bed burrows, tow truck romance, cult denial & more! Produced by @scottaukerman.bsky.social @brettmorris.bsky.social @cbbworld.bsky.social comedybangbangworld.com

Follow up: what thoughts *do* pay rent to live in your head?

Kids these days don’t even understand. Adults had a dance that they called The Mashed Potato. And then they had a song about that dance. Our brains were still yellow butterflies then.

It’s not enough just to get some men to go to therapy. We should get to choose the therapist and submit topics/ anecdotes. What, you’re gonna trust a dog to go to obedience school and ask to learn how not to bite people? That dog is gonna talk favorite raw hides and fire hydrants the whole hour.

It is of course possible to debate the nuance of whether or not to forgive abusers while giving jobs and opportunities to NON abusers. Like they don’t have to go hand in hand.

I was mumbling about my landlord the other day (to myself alone in my place like a sane, cool person) and I accidentally called her Leather Slutskin and I’ve really never been more pleased with my artistic flow.

If you watch even a couple 90’s movies it will reveal the slow boil that has led to the absolutely bleak landscape of soulless attractive people dribbling predictable dialogue out of their faces framed by the same 3 styles of hair. It’s so boring it makes me want to cry. Watch Parenthood, The Net.

I respect spiders and am a fan of the good work they do and also STOP POSTING CLOSE-UPS OF THOSE FANGED AND DANCING FREAKS MY LIZARD BRAIN CANNOT TAKE IT.

TRUMP RUINED BAD TASTE John Waters at #NoKings in Provincetown (Pic via petermarietoto on X)

Please stop saying “girl dad.” For the love of Epstein.

I signed up for a free writing webinar from a guy whose promo was “You losers probably won’t even sign up much less SHOW up to this! See you then! NOT!” And I hate that this tactic makes me feel I do indeed HAVE TO SHOW UP. Still, I’m determined to at least hate every second. I have SOME power here.

When you let your hair go (prematurely!!!) gray, women will say: “I think it looks beautiful” the way they say “I think it tastes better burnt.” And men over 70 will smile at you, holding eye contact like, that’s right, you’re in my dating pool now you hot young Nana-headed bitch.

New COLLEGE TOWN! Feat. @shaundiston.bsky.social & Ele Woods! Hosted by Jan & Beebo (me & Seth Morris)! Riding corgis! Painful healing! We come here for magic… and scandals (& more!) Produced by @scottaukerman.bsky.social @brettmorris.bsky.social @cbbworld.bsky.social comedybangbangworld.com

We all think we’d be Bruce Willis come an asteroid situation but let’s face it, most of us would be Steve Buscemi. I know I would.

The movie, Raccapenie, is really a romp.

New COLLEGE TOWN! Feat. @mocollins.bsky.social & Victoria Longwell! Hosted by Jan & Beebo (me & Seth Morris!) Beebo’s repossessed body! Women in caves! Haunted babies! & more! Produced by @scottaukerman.bsky.social @brettmorris.bsky.social @cbbworld.bsky.social comedybangbangworld.com