She looks like she has a secret.

Grinch branded condoms that are shaped like his feet

"Has feminism failed women brought to you by bank of america" is my MKULTRA sleeper agent activation phrase

At some point my ability to recite the entirety of the ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas special will become a lucrative skill, right?

I've had it up to here with cozy, creamy, comforting food. Time for some antagonizing food. Hagfish cacciatore. Extra sharp tortilla chips. Macaroni and cheese and dead lithium batteries.

Fluff break!

“You’ll be visited by three spirits.” The three spirits:

Giraffes Christmas

i change into my outdoor pajamas to go to the corner store bc we live in a society

This has really put a damper on my dream of antiquing through England.

Credit Karma is obsessed with me. They want to marry me and have my babies and then watch me pay the related exorbitant medical bills on time.

April 2026: Flushing the grinch

Two pots of coffee and the world is my bitch.

Currently exercising my choppers on some good hard food.

Using my one opportunity with a time machine to go back and mock French ice dorks. www.atlasobscura.com/articles/the...

This office is full of notebook sickos who scribble feverishly at every presentation regardless of who it is or what they are talking about.

Nick-nog

O Tiny-baum

Every Who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot, but the Grinch—who lived just north of Whoville— thought Christmas was for trick-ass hos.

I’m discovering that Commando is both a very dumb movie and one with surprising gender politics.

Ok sure

I wiil keep resisting the clickbaity ads that show me tantalizing pics of strange, Seussical contraptions being touted as this year's hottest Christmas gifts but I really want to know what the thingbobulators do!

Apparently it’s trivia night. I fucked up.

An angry Irish hostess just forcefully sat me in a seat at the bar being saved by another woman for her friend and now I am awash in bad vibes from my left.

Need a new word for the sense of accomplishment I feel at eating a bag of Cheetos and not getting orange powder on my white shirt. "Pride" doesn't seem appropriate.

Welcome to our list of the 400 best books of the year. There's something here for everyone. 302 are about moms with Alzheimer's.

If I have to remember chap-hop then you do, too.

right ear: none left ear: beef

The banana bread wanter

uncle after two beers: i built a resident evil style research facility under my farmhouse

Back to being thankless.

There should be a Pip balloon in the Thanksgiving Day Parade. Life-size.

my desires are...unconventional

Happy birthday, @alexandraknew.bsky.social!

Every shop now sells party games and they're all either called Animals! Have!! Butts!!! or SAY SOMETHING SICK YOU C**T

Me reading a cracker stuffing recipe: Sausages? Go to hell.

👏normalize wearing a fisherman sweater during the deed

I've been pretty explicit about my plans to remake BioDome with me in the Pauly Shore role should I ever be elected president.

Agentic AI sounds like a bowel medicine.

guys i dont think i defrosted my turkey right

I've never seen a touch screen to choose the gasoline grade before. Is this common?

Oh my goodness. Mmm girl look at him. He’s the cutest brother in here and he’s coming this way!

It doesn’t matter so much what you buy as long as your underpants are well-secured.

Yesterday it was my pants. Today it's squeaky boots. I need to start shopping in the Stealth section.

Just did a Clifton Strengths assessment for my new job. Turns out I'm the shit. Honestly surprised that was even an option.

The loudest noise on earth is my corduroys pants as I walk through a quiet office.

what's your favorite song about your god being an awesome god

Lookest upon me not! - me to the open bag of Fritos on my desk