I use arch btw

Tolerance break has me like

erika kirk: "we serve a just god, and i rest easy in knowing that" jesus, walking out the strip club with his bros: "so i says to the guy 'i forgive the murder, but how'd you miss a head that big?'"

You’ve heard of elf on the shelf. Get ready for

They sent JD Vance to Indiana and they were like never do that to us again

Yeah man you got me. I want a charismatic politician who will defeat my enemies. Unlike the ones who capitulate to them.

Well all that stuff is happening anyway with the government reopened and now people can’t afford health care you big-brained genius. You fucking savant.

We love to see it don’t we folks

There’s that aggression I was talking about

Why would the skull of Thomas Aquinas put on the aux?

Me: Great, they're politicizing fonts now! 🙄 The Biggest Nerd: Fonts have always been political

Some of the carnage from our first week with Zelda

I simply wouldn’t have sent a pedophile rapist to Dearborn to tell them to eat shit but what do I know about campaigning

Me passing out after drunkenly alienating everyone at the function

not every dataset was meant to be normal

If I say what I think I’ll get banned

I can’t get over how much prices have gone up on everything but a basic Timex watch costing seventy dollars is absurd to me. I have two and I love them but it’s a $25 watch. $40 tops if it’s special like snoopy or something.

I love it when brands let you ask questions

“Quentin Tarantino says..” Quentin Tarantino says a lot of things

DEMOCRATS: Shut up about trans issues, we need to focus on ‘kitchen table’ issues! ALSO DEMOCRATS, TRYING TO TALK ABOUT ‘KITCHEN TABLE’ ISSUES

Matthew, don’t listen to that Zionist footfucker. SLC punk was formative for me.

The Christmas spirit leaving my body when I hear “Christmas Shoes” playing in a store

They’re married

More like certified rube

I could easily withstand the power of the Dark Crystal, I would simply not allow it to drain my living essence *looks at the Dark Crystal one time*

I’m sorry Dave, I can’t do that

Happy Luigi Day (allegedly)

Over the weekend we adopted Zelda from the local humane society.

Is Gen X the greatest generation because of David Cross do you hear yourselves

When Netflix takes out a loan while in debt to “make it’s money back” it’s “consolidating power” but when I do it I’m a “gambling addict”

A Zootopia for a Dream

Checking in on the Bezos rag

I love hearing this shit from people who don’t actually work for a living

If this were true it would be the coolest thing about that family. There are enough things to hate about Trump without besmirching sex workers

How are you gonna have a subzero fridge but you don’t own a roasting pan?

BOATSTUCKGIVING

Help me step-bus I’m stuck

He is dancing, dancing, dancing. He says he will never die.

Removing “harvest” from my vocabulary.

🤷‍♀️

I am hearing that following his meeting with Zohran Mamdani, Donald Trump received the light of Islam and unhesitatingly recited the Shahada. Truly there is no god but Allah, and Mohammad is his prophet!

Liberal millennial brain rot is something else man

nostalgia is a scam invented by big new to sell more old

[appraising the entirety of Olivia Nuzzi's existence] Nah, I'm good.

the wine moms are trampling out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored

Thinking about doohickeys and contraptions for no reason.

The only thing these fucking ghouls have been “fighting” is the progressive wing of their own party.

I love bluesky