Weird Al Swearengen
@peterlynn.bsky.social
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Not the kite guy. (He/him)
reposted by
Weird Al Swearengen
"Captain" "Ruck" "Cohlchez"
about 22 hours ago
I've said it before and I'll say it again: One of the biggest reasons the right wing couldn't make Charlie Kirk stick as their Reichstag fire is that none of them, including his own widow, actually and sincerely gave a fuck he died
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Not only is there high-level hockey being played by Chinese teams right now, but let me be the first to congratulate the next winner of the Stanley Cup, the Shanghai Dragons of the KHL.
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3 days ago
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Iāve been saying for years that Dinesh DāSouza is the dumbest public intellectual Iāve ever seen.
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3 days ago
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If Will Lewis had any honor, he would have retired like Budd Dwyer.
4 days ago
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When Elon inquires about the wildest party on the island.
6 days ago
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Robert Hegyes, especially if itās in email correspondence purportedly sent by his mother.
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8 days ago
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If Iām ever forced to attend a Ricky Gervais show, Iām wearing a matador costume and a giant crucifix to test his policy against lecturing the public.
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8 days ago
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In concert: UGH, NO WAY with special guests WHO?, NEVER HEARD OF HIM and DOESNāT RING A BELL
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10 days ago
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reposted by
Weird Al Swearengen
Kate Compton
12 days ago
You can test new tech ideas using the Seinfeld Test Would the product eliminate the plot of an episode? (Google maps, cell phones, paypal, battery packs) Good tech. Would the product inspire new Seinfeld plots? (NFTs, AI chatbots, crypto currency, blindboxes, metaverse land sales) Bad tech.
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Is he still planning to stage bumfights on the White House lawn or whatever?
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13 days ago
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Catherine OāHara deserves praise for basically everything she ever did, but her work as Margaret Meehan in SCTVās āHigh Qā is one of the funniest sketch comedy performances of all time.
youtu.be/MIVBgOhD-fs?...
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SCTV ~ HIGH Q , 1977
YouTube video by Short Attention Span
https://youtu.be/MIVBgOhD-fs?si=uAaFjdc_hu1m6s1I
13 days ago
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Raise a glass of Herb Ertlinger fruit wine to Catherine OāHaraās memory.
13 days ago
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Donning my smoking jacket, slumping down into the wingback chair by the fireplace and reaching for the decanter.
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13 days ago
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Carney needs to call Pete Hoekstra to his office and tell him to pack his shit.
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15 days ago
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I donāt envy Adam Sandler having to pay all that alimony to Rob Schneiderās ex-wife.
15 days ago
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Patricia. The Trishmeister. Filing papers.
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15 days ago
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āGrok, write a Holocaust memorial tweet, but make it the opening crawl from Revenge of the Sith that mentions āheroes on both sides.āā
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15 days ago
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I said to my wife an hour ago that I expected him and Kristi Noem to be fired within 48 hours. For him, it turns out it was more like 10 minutes.
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17 days ago
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reposted by
Weird Al Swearengen
Qasim Rashid, Esq.
18 days ago
You know Alex Pretti & Renee Goodāthe 2 white people ICE killed. ICE has also killed Keith Porter, a Black man, Parady La, a Cambodian man, & 5 LatinosāHeber Sanchaz DomĆnguez, Victor Manuel Diaz, Luis Beltran Yanez-Cruz, Luis Gustavo Nunez Caceres, and Geraldo Lunas Campos. 9 TOTAL. ABOLISH ICE.
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An invaluable part of any organization. Besides coining the name āFunkadelicā and recruiting Eddie Hazel, Billy Bass is the guy who tipped off Tony Soprano that Big Pussy was a rat.
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17 days ago
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reposted by
Weird Al Swearengen
Timothy Snyder
18 days ago
In the early 1930s the SA was roughing people up, creating chaos in neighborhoods, seeking to terrorize with the occasional killing. By the late 1930s it had been supplanted by the SS, which was much better trained.
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I know there are very good reasons not to do it, but it would be very funny if Mark Carney responded to Trumpās blustering and threats with the energy of Phoebe Bridgers replying to David Crosby with ālittle bitch.ā
19 days ago
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Iād tell him to pick on someone his own size, but thatās what weāre already talking about.
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21 days ago
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Theyād better give Trump the FIFA Songwriting Prize to make up for this, or heās gonna lose his shit.
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22 days ago
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Give me your favorite āFriendscoreā artists. (Friendscore is a genre of music that either did or could have appeared in the TV show Friends.)
23 days ago
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Idea: A TV series based on Donald E. Westlakeās Dortmunder book series with Scoot McNairy as the title character and Lee Pace as Andy Kelp.
24 days ago
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reposted by
Weird Al Swearengen
ā³att
24 days ago
Mark Carney should start saying stuff like "we hope to peacefully de-escalate this situation between our two neighbours, the Americans and Danish. Canadians have long valued our role as sharing land border with two distinct nations." Throw a bone to the Google Earth sickos.
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reposted by
Weird Al Swearengen
ā³att
24 days ago
In 2023, Canada and Denmark formally recognized split ownership of the tiny uninhabited arctic island Hans Island, forming a new land border. And I ask you this: what was the point of all that if Canadians can't start confusing everyone by saying stuff like "our neighbours, the Danish"
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Iāve been trying to figure out how Jon Arbuckle wore down Liz the veterinarian from someone who despised him into being his girlfriend, and Iāve decided it was through a kind of Munchausen by proxy where he gave his cat chronic health problems by overfeeding him so they could spend time together.
24 days ago
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Iām only half kidding when I say Bobby Heenan was unfairly denied an acting Emmy for this episode of Prime Time Wrestling.
youtu.be/sCvi1JuF4uU?...
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Macho Man Randy Savage picks the Perfect Partner (11-16-1992)
YouTube video by Kingdom of Madness
https://youtu.be/sCvi1JuF4uU?si=Eg1vWwG5w__SmblI
25 days ago
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Every time the rest of the world responds to Trumpās provocations, he sulks like in that one episode of Trailer Park Boys where Ricky complains that Trevor shouldnāt have been standing up to him and warns that heās going to lose a good friend.
26 days ago
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reposted by
Weird Al Swearengen
Gregg Levine
26 days ago
Fresh off a podcast where he dismissed people who protect themselves from airborne infection, Stewart got many offers from experts to talk to him about the pandemicās ongoing health threats. Instead, he platformed a Covid minimizer who has worked with RFK Jr allies to challenge vaccines & science.
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reposted by
Weird Al Swearengen
Chris Kluwe
26 days ago
āDo not engage in a winter campaign in bitterly cold areas. You will lose not just your army, but most likely your throne.ā - literally every military historian ever āGET IN THE CAR, LOSERS, WEāRE GONNA INVADE MINNESOTA IN LATE JANUARYā - the Trump administration
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The Nobel Committee should vacate the 2025 Peace Prize given by MarĆa Corina Machado to Donald Trump the same way that WWF President Jack Tunney declared vacant the World Heavyweight Championship belt given by Andre the Giant to āThe Million Dollar Manā Ted DiBiase.
28 days ago
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Looks like the opposite of fighting fire with fire also works.
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29 days ago
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Based on my experience of every single time Iāve come through the front door, I know that if we lived on a space station, my family would constantly try to start talking to me while I was still in the airlock.
29 days ago
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reposted by
Weird Al Swearengen
Emily C. Hughes
30 days ago
Scott Adams dying at 68 rather than 69 is the perfect capstone to a life of being almost ā but not quite ā funny
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reposted by
Weird Al Swearengen
Andrew Hickey
about 1 month ago
Scott Adams is the Dave Sim of Jim Davises.
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reposted by
Weird Al Swearengen
Say what you want about Scott Adams (for example, that heās a huge shitbag), but heāll leave a great legacy behind. Unfortunately for him, that great legacy is Kaleb Hortonās, but he should be happy to know he contributed in some small way.
kalebhorton.ghost.io/the-d-lbert-...
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about 1 month ago
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reposted by
Weird Al Swearengen
Air Budd Dwyer
about 1 month ago
[tune of John Cena theme horns] Scott Adams died
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āFive bucks ⦠is five bucks. But six bucks? ⦠Thatās five bucks.ā
add a skeleton here at some point
about 1 month ago
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reposted by
Weird Al Swearengen
MyNameIs[REDACTED]šØ
about 1 month ago
Nikki Glaser: āI cannot believe the amount of star power we have in this room tonight. Itās insane, there are so many a-listers. And by a-listers I do mean people who are on a list that has been heavily redactedā¦ā Editor: *cuts to Bill Maher*
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At least Bush had the sense to do 9/11 first.
about 1 month ago
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ACAB includes global policemen.
about 1 month ago
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One day theyāre going to lie that there was broad popular support for this and no one could have known it was based on lies and would lead to disaster, so I want to say for the permanent record that I am, and have been from the beginning, against This Shit.
about 1 month ago
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Pierre Poilievre is absolutely unfit to be prime minister or to hold political office of any kind.
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about 1 month ago
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This is an affront to everything the prestigious FIFA Peace Prize stands for, and he should be stripped of the award immediately.
about 1 month ago
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āSorry pedo guy, you really did ask for it.ā
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about 1 month ago
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If you always pictured Vince Guaraldi as a dead ringer for the Trailer Park Boys antagonist Sam āThe Greasy Cavemanā Losco, youāre dead right and also a big liar.
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about 1 month ago
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Iām absolutely losing my shit on page one of the Jack Reacher book NEVER GO BACK because you would *not* believe where he goes right away. What are you *doing,* Reacher?!
about 1 month ago
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