i will probably keep saying some variation of this because its inevitably going to happen but dems campaigning on “reform ice” need to be met with the same reaction as a someone asking if they can kick your child in the head

The Vatican doesn't want you to know this, but when good-natured fat people die, they go to the Garden of Eatin'.

Elvis Presley may have been the King of Rock & Roll, but I bet he never used his administrative powers to rename a street in Memphis to Lonely Street and commission a hotel at the end of it to be called the Heartbreak Hotel.

Netflix has acquired Warner Brothers and therefore DC Comics and therefore Watchmen so look forward to Say Ozymandiyes to the Ozymandidress

I like whatever is wrong with my algorithm over there

For clarity, when you ask what I've been up to lately and I say "nothing much" the actual answer is "I've been chain-watching video essays about things I'm tangentially interested in to keep the tinnitus and black suicidal sludge in my brain from driving me all the way insane". does that come across

I agree. String him up

saw this and immediately thought of you @crabman.bsky.social

your emotional support slop is demobilizing, sorry

The reason you sprinkle posts like "The brain is the Ass of the head" throughout your timeline is to preserve the insanity plea in case you ever need it

You alright man? I keep seeing small damage numbers coming off you

if you have a phobia of mushrooms amanita muscaria

I’ll be streaming with famed American Girl Shoe Doll Designer Brennan Lee Mulligan!! Make sure to tune in Monday, Dec 8 at 6:30 PM CT on Twitch or YouTube! Drop any snack-related questions I should ask below : ) @brennanleemulligan.bsky.social

Instead of relying on wealthy donors, congressional candidate @katmabu.bsky.social is using a Twitch stream to raise money – and fight a federal indictment aftermath.site/kat-abughaza...

by the way I played twenty questions with Google Gemini one time and it wasn't very good at it and was chugging sometimes so I probably caused the ice shelves to collapse, sorry about that

dropping $70 on #MetroidPrime4Beyond not because it looks groundbreaking, not because it is the end result of an insane amount of development time, not because I even enjoy Metroid Prime games, but because Samus Aran is a queen and she deserves everything, including a chance at more #Metroid games

🧠 ALL DAY: they're gonna start coming for critics and dissenters and I have made some pretty exacting statements about who in this administration should be torn apart by wild dogs that are not going to look too good 🧠 AT NIGHT (ON DRUGS): [single piece of paper with "gary pissmas" written on it]

this is going to be a fucking shitshow, lmao

Take the Dwemer Bowls, Lydia. Yes all 79. What do you mean “then what,” then we sell them, then we go back for the cups. And one day you’ll be a Thane and you can have YOUR housecarl return every dwarven bowl to every dwarven ruin and I HOPE you never feel pressured to defend that activity

[WHEN I READ A GOOD @kathbarbadoro.bsky.social TWEET] more like kath palm d'oro, am I right

every time I see someone defend the new usage of "decimate" because they wanted a more bombastic word than "destroy" or "devastate" Hoo-wee, I got me this brand-new word down at the five and dime!

Anybody else getting inundated by followers without any post engagement? My notifications are pointless now because it's just a nonstop stream of follows. [HISSING THROUGH TEETH] but your follows mean nothing to me if you do not hit the Likey button and validate me, fools! wait I don't have teeth

(Black and white footage of a woman holding a casserole slipping and falling in her kitchen comically) Are you tired of slipping on the lubricative fluid of the eel, of which you were unaware of its presence?

A reminder this holiday season and always

It's maddening that it's considered smart politics to meekly mumble these idiotic slogans in response to being called Socialist instead of saying "Yeah asshole it's good when people have enough to live on and it's bad when billionaire sociopaths abuse us all"

Playing the correct number of video games when I'm standing in shallow water in Lumiose City and I think "If I switch to Calamo, I can use his electric attack combo!" #Nintendo #Pokémon #PokémonLegendsZ-A #HyruleWarriors

Is there a subgenre of artist where you have to actively beg your friends to in any way react to your work, or is that just artist

Every GUI should have an "I'm autistic" button that just gets rid of all the BS and makes it look like Craigslist.

Here's a note I sent to our members about what we did with their money, and why we expect the Onion to outgrow the Washington Post. We keep doing weird, hard shit — taunting ICE, yelling at Congress for not taunting ICE, buying bad websites — when nobody else does. Our members keep getting papers.

Stop badgering Trump about Epstein. He doesn't give a shit about that. You're not "pressuring" him, you're applying pressure to a garbage bag full of pudding. Start doing things like asking about why Stephen Miller is in charge, why Trump is Stephen's puppet, why Trump is afraid of Miller.

This and the Spamton Sweepstakes are the only holidays I celebrate

somebody said post malone so OK

Chinese buffet bananas in red sauce burps are the best burps

@glidus.bsky.social I haven't watched the new video yet but I'm going to assume the reason there is corn in Westeros is because two sparrows carried an ear of corn on a line between them across the ocean from Americos much as one might do with a coconut

He is risen

Elmer Fudd is in bed with a beautiful woman, but she's sad. She says she feels all alone in the world. Elmer says, "The treatment is simple. The great bunny Bugs is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." And the woman bursts into tears. Says, "But Elmer...I am Bugs Bunny."

@spacequesthistorian.com paused the video about the copyright claims, went to the kitchen, came back, pressed play, video no longer available due to copyright claims. LOL?

nose down ass up that's the way we cyberstuck

@axialagegamer.swifties.social just a reminder that I'm only borrowing your Humvee

As the year comes to an end, I'm reposting some of the comics I made this year, including this ridiculous thing.

Good morning to Brazilian reporter Manuela Borges, who’s been waiting eleven years for this petty moment. ❤️ 🇧🇷

If you see this post an anime you love

[ME ON CAR TRIP] hand me the aux

-but nah, see, like, they seem like they COME from Earth, but then it turns out they GO to Earth, and they're the first people, like the people we descend from, and Starbuck is like a ANGEL or somethin'-

since every other post i see on here is someone on the verge of financial collapse and eviction, why doesn't some enterprising cigarette or alcohol or betting company step up and make a mutual fund that people can request emergency cash from as a nice gesture for enthralling and bankrupting people

my bathroom scale confirmed I am human by displaying "ERR" when I stepped on it