At a party with the 6-7 kid's grandmother, ama

brb going to hug my daughter and my wife, in that order

"my 8 year old is bad at conflict resolution. should she have the nuclear codes?" jfc nyt

i don't have any uncles left but if one of them said this to me i'd sock them in the nose. what are you talking about

i like analytics and stuff, but i don't understand how the rags and leafs have a > chance than the pens here despite the pens having >2 more points than them in <= games. they even have +2 points with a game in hand over CBJ! i'm not saying they're real, but this model seems unfair to them

baby shit soft

This starts and ends with the media. If they don't cover it as it is and let the White House craft the narrative, it doesn't much matter what the general public think

This is probably what I look like when our waiter brings me my mozzarella sticks

BILL MAHER: seems like everywhere you look these days women are saying sir we asked you to leave

These people are unhinged. What are you talking about

I'd ask why Epstein talks in emails like a 14 year old boy but I know how he spent his time, so

It'd be funny if it weren't so blatantly obvious this was going to happen

Putting the PIG into Porky Piggin'

Imagine if Biden or Obama had made $4.5 billion during their terms doing anything, let alone on shady, untraceable pay-to-play schemes. My company won't give me a cost of living raise and our President is just siphoning dirty money freely and openly

There's always money for the shit they want and never for the things people need. It can't be any more obvious

What is this guy talking about Nothing he says here even begins to make sense

When you normalize hate as policy, this is what happens

i don't recall seeing ICE on any ballot

Doing a sober, serious-minded TV interview about Bari Weiss's appointment to head up CBS News in which I make evidence-based arguments but say her name in the Borat "very nice" voice every time I mention her.

Show me ads to join the Don Callis Family, not ice #AEW

I was told a whole bunch in the past month that I don't value human life and was cut out from lives for it. Wondering today what all those people think of this kind of rhetoric.

asking ChatGPT if NVIDIA can save us from the rapture and it just sent me a picture of Jesus with huge tits

The free speech activist who built a list of professors he worked to get fired for their speech must be celebrated for his support of free speech, and anyone who quotes his speech accurately in context will be fired and/or face state punishment by the champions of free speech, do I have that right?

i want to live in a world where i don't need to have nuance for everything, mostly because the bulk of the population cannot fathom having nuance nor do they want to learn how to live in that world i'm exhausted

People saying Trump is dying or possibly dead, but I for one would urge caution, because it is quite possible a second healtbar will appear as he enters his second phase and a gargantuan centipede will burst forth from his torso, so be careful of his new sweep attacks and toxic buildup from bites.

it's crazy that being like "how do i explain gay couples to my kids?" isn't an unthinkably embarrassing to say in 2025. it's actually incredibly easy to explain, that should be like indignantly saying "how am I supposed to explain to my kids where the sun goes at night? did a bird steal it?!"

"My Homer is not a Communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a Communist, but he is NOT a porn star!"

Someone else said something very similar to this the other day, but. It really burns me that our (millennials') generation was legally terrorized for like, downloading Radiohead discographies But we're supposed to be ok with billionaires stealing human intellectual output in its entirety bc AI

I am way late to this, but Billy Joel fuckin rocks. The dude, his music, his message. Just a "one of us" kinda guy, but also can freestyle Tchaikovsky

you ever have a tweet or whatever you wish you'd thought of

I'm 41 and I just said to myself, "I know too much about The Rizzler" the Internet was a mistake

GWAR Concert Goes Viral After CEO of Tech Start Up Caught Having Affair on Analingus Cam thehardtimes.net/music/gwar-c...

i fight every day to keep my work email off my personal phone and too much money is being spent on garbage like this? where do i get a cut of the money generated by dipshit ideas like this

'Superman' was beautiful. You should see it and listen to the message.

The people that voted for him, in large part, did so because they don't want the government interfering in things that they "shouldn't be". I'm not really sure how you justify this, among many, many other things

Bob Nutting build a roster this beautiful send tweet

What a stunning love letter to a franchise the author didn't play. I don't know how Sam does it, but he always knows just how to captivate you

Big Butthole Bill

God Mel Brooks "You say yes, and you never do it."

I find a way to say this devoid of context at least once a month

If you see this, post a fictional artist/band you would love to see live

I don't know how many times I've said something to this effect to overly optimistic Libertarians, but it is wildly naive to expect bad actors to suddenly become good ones.

I’ve found a box of my books at the house, which means you could buy Punk Rock Entrepreneur straight from me for $10! I’ll sign it and everything. carolinemoore.bigcartel.com/product/punk...