Finally finished Alien: Earth. Long live butt rock.

Go USC

The music majors here are convincing me that maybe I need to start loudly reading my work in coffee shops? 🤔

I refuse to see a Tron movie without Bruce Boxleitner, but I'll keep listening to this.

Some prof asked if I had a pen and snidely muttered about "oh right, everything's digital now" when I told him no. Huh? Where tf is your pen, dipshit?

So, airline employees can "time out" of the allotted amount of hours they're allowed to work mid-boarding process, and airlines act like no one can anticipate this until the moment it happens when they finally decide to call a replacement? Dude, flying just straight up sucks now.

It's grifts all the way down with this administration. I'm telling you once again that an anticorruption rallying cry to wash these motherfuckers out of government would be a very successful vision to offer voters.

The “fuck your feelings” crowd is upset that you are hurting their feelings.

The TRON: Ares Official Motion Picture Soundtrack is pretty good, but if you're not gonna go with Daft Punk again then you gotta go with Disasterpeace all day every day.

Today is the four-year anniversary of my dear friend getting caught in the net of the opioid crisis in the US. I personally call it the opioid disaster. It has not gotten any easier to reconcile in four years.

For 9 years I've asserted that the worst drivers in the world are roaming the streets of Lafayette, Indiana within a 2-mile radius of the Pay Less grocery store on Greenbush Avenue. 9 years later: cancel that. The worst drivers in the world are located in Tallahassee, Florida anywhere in town.

When someone questions a story's use of jargon, vernacular, niche idiomatic language, etc. what they're saying is, "Please use sandpaper to smooth over this story's texture." The older you get, the more you understand what you don't know and should never expect to know. And you can also google it.

Ok this week it's actually about 850 no joke.

Every week feels more overwhelming than the prior week at this point.

Why is half of my feed screenshots of posts from other social media platforms that I have no interest in engaging with?

Michael Richards: “I got some racist stuff to say…” Jerry Seinfeld: “Oh buddy hold my beer!”

Sense of whiplash arising from 6 years of being treated like my ceiling was knowing the alphabet to immediately being expected to read 450 pages per week while teaching two classes.

Trying to catch up on Pickwick Papers in audiobook form for a class I’m in. Really wish Joe Pesci was the reader.

My claim to fame is I did a Toys for Tots event with this guy in Champaign probably 10 years ago.

Florida is a Trump simp state.

Five episodes in, I’m finally convinced Noah Hawley has actually seen Alien.

This is Leo. He is patiently waiting for this guy to throw the ball. Gonna be here a while. 13/10 (TT: twogoldenleos)

Two Canadians have separately approved of my choice to name Leslie Nielsen the #1 Canadian.

There should be a Stoker Award for best poem, just like there's one for best short fiction.

Holy crap, who is the target audience for this show supposed to be?

I’ll go to AWP in Baltimore if John Waters is going.

Tide’s OUT, baby!

I’m so scared about my potential reaction to Alien Earth that I still haven’t watched it yet. 🫣

Mac and Dennis Become EMTs is an all-timer.

I didn’t know how much I needed to see a photo of a cornfield until my partner sent me one just now.

lol Missouri. “Rich people please move here!”

I would read at least 500 pages following this opener.

Q: “Are you worried all this pushback could provoke Trump to follow-through with sending the National Guard?” MAYOR @brandon4chicago.bsky.social Johnson: “As a descendant of slaves, can you imagine if my ancestors had that same rationale?“

Yes I will go first in workshop with my 13k-word story.

In other news: I won the 50/50 pot from a Hot Wheels racing tournament last Friday out of 48 total entries ($5 per car) so I guess you could say I'm addicted to gambling now. But I forgot to bring the 3D printed trophy to class today. I will be insufferable about it starting tomorrow. 💰💰💰💰💰

So with the death of things like the NEA grant and the Breadloaf waiter thing and anything else I’m forgetting, it seems like we’re entering the era of Gen Xers grandfathered into their academic positions on the coattails of opportunities that will never exist again.

I’m assuming there’s a scene in Meg 1 that explains what megalodons are. Unless you need that scene, Meg 1 is not necessary.

I’m going into Meg 2 cold without watching Meg 1: an experiment.

I'm definitely nervous for the semester to start, but I feel a lot better having landed at a university where neither my field of study nor my personal presence on campus is actively being questioned by people who are supposed to support me. A low bar that I would like to raise.

I’m so bad in dining halls. Too many choices too many choices too many choices ok pizza.

Run!

Tallahassee government: “Every form of ground transportation including wheelchairs is a novel concept to us.”

Having the summer off beforehand would've been a way easier way to transition back to school. OOPS.

My partner’s family has an extensive knowledge of construction and home improvement and they’re now all roasting the job done on the apartment I just moved into.

Achievement unlocked: simultaneously a Macmillan author & Macmillan Instructor™.

WEAPONS is awesome. Not what I expected in a great way.

I'm leaving a stable job after today, which is scary, but I'm excited to turn my brain back on all the way in the service of writing, hopefully for the rest of my life from this point.

I don't know. You gotta laugh or you're gonna cry, I guess.