Sorry but how are Liverpool fourth?

I would really like a Prime Minister who doesn’t give off “I would watch a video of a baby dying for a tenner”

[starmer at home, curtains drawn, riverdancing expressionlessly as the phone rings off the hook]

Zarah Sultana for Celtic manager

who is your favorite shrek I’ll go first: Shrek

Me: *gives way* Other driver: *flashes lights to say thanks* Me:

you can just block john rentoul, you know. it’s not like you’ll miss anything interesting or well-written

sometimes I’ll make a joke to my wife and she’ll roll her eyes and ask if I’m “gonna post that one on bluesky.” I mean, yes, but her tone is very hurtful

Llanfairpwllgwyngyll Cuck

Apparently a whole bunch of shops are open today and I hope all the people who decided this are attacked by a horse

I remember the comments section under a fair and accurate 3 star review, it was like the second Herald of the incel grifters

I will concede it is 2026

Someone round our bit just went “fuck it I’m tired” and let off their fireworks

You had me at gravy piñata

Stuff I read this year that I liked: Tell Me I’m Worthless by Alison Rumfitt The House on Utopia Way by Stefan Mohamed The Wicked and the Divine vol 1 by Gilles and McKelvie Strong Female Character by Fern Brady Convenience Store Woman by Sayaka Murata with Ginny Tapley Takemori (1/2)

Obi-Wan Kenobi voice: she is more cheese, now, than woman

I remembered my actual favorite tumblr post lmao

You had me at gravy piñata

Gramsci

My fave bit in the most recent I hate Doctor Who with the Tardis Team. Honestly couldn't believe it! You can find the full audio version here and in all your podcast places! youtu.be/ImfdgTd0cCw?...

Hoggers was right there

One time I was working at Sydney airport and sold a copy of "Nuts" Magazine to Bono

I told Graham Spiers that Red Road had already started because we didn’t get sent any trailers that week

Top Adrian Chiles Columns of 2025: I’ve given up wild swimming. So why does my Volvo smell like mince? Should I tell the postman he has halitosis? My first wife wouldn’t let me wear shorts. I buried my father with my bare hands. It’s time we stopped talking about glamping. 1/3

it's over anakin. i've already drawn u as the beta soyjack and myself as the chad

Been playing Dredge for about a week now and I’ve never been so pleased to catch a diseased eel

The Minecraft movie is fine, but its main problem is that there’s a much funnier Jared Hess movie smothered by all the Minecraft stuff

Post a perfect album from the 90s that isn’t Nirvana, soundgarden, pearl jam or Alice in chains

It is unlikely but it’s not entirely impossible that we have a top three of Hearts, Rangers and Motherwell

Hibs hibsed Hibsing It

This house doesn’t like the other houses across the road

As someone in a band with a Hearts fan and a Hibs fan, what is the responsible course of action here?

Always regret not having a third child that we didn't love but who would be on hand to take the family photos of the four of us.

“looks like fuck is back on the menu boys”

Just ordered some tea at the Burger King drive thru. In other news my daughter got a set of tattoo pens for Christmas.

I've been thinking about this sign for 6 months. a phrase I'll treasure forever. a metaphor with boundless potential

Sweet Goliath Rock and Roll Caravan I’ve Still Got Tha Rizz

At Primary school another boy said “have you ever come?”, and I said “what?”, and he said “have you ever come?”, and I thought about it a bit and said “yes?” and he shouted “HAHA YOUVE COME” and ran away laughing

"you boy! what day is this?" today, sir? why, it's

Next door took Christmas Day off from drilling fuck out of their flat

Anyone posting on LinkedIn today would be on the B Ark

You’re not single, you’re just in a monocule.

And Thai-Knee Tim, who- *a shepherd’s crook appears and drags me off stage, and it then becomes apparent that it’s being used to beat me to death*

me: you boy what day is it today? boy: nonces shout out of the window day. me: oof you’ve absolutely done me there.

And Tiny Tempah, who did NOT release a studio album after 2017’s “Youth”

Tiny Tim, who did NOT hit her. He did not. Oh hi, ghost