Wait until the cost of plaid shirts starts rising. Then they'll really get angry.

Why did we move away from wax seals to written signatures? How cool would it be to wear a signet ring with a embossed image of your apartment door, or your chiahuahua's right nostril on it? "Milord, I know this nostril; it is the Mark of Maya." Also, where are my eunuchs?

"President immediately declares this fuel-saving route 'woke', 'unpatriotic,' and 'probably China trying to trick us.'" www.space.com/astronomy/mo...

As a person under 50, I fear I am looking at my future homesite. As a single woman I know that I have nothing to worry about.

Droids already have that feature. (Check in Gemini under "preferences.")

🤝 Perverts together strong

i let some lady with a fancy camera and a panini press take pictures of my boobs yesterday and she didn’t even pay me

"The defendants were also required to take down nudefakes of the judge, jury, baliff, and stenographer they had submitted during the trial as exhibits A through XXX." apnews.com/article/deep...

I was so disappointed this wasn't the start of the apocalypse.

This is what online dating feels like.

“Let them eat hate”

All the fun of grading and assigning homework, without the tedium of making a difference in someone's life. www.kwalee.com/fun-games/te...

If getting uppity is being "frisky", what is getting downnity?

"Most of the World Is Below Replacement Fertility", which is attributed to the "get the hell off me, Charlie" movement. www.visualcapitalist.com/fertility-ra...

Better yet, post what people are saying on Snapchat. Yeah, that's right: Eat sunlight you secretive, little twerps.

Reposting to echo some joy today. Thanks, Seth! #dogs #happy

This guy drove the old pizza-in-a-cup guy right out of business! (But not because it’s better. Mom and pop pizza-in-a-cup shops don’t stand a chance against a behemoth like Pizza Hut.)

It's going to be 96°F/36°C today. Make sure to visit a data center and run through the sprinklers they let the computers play in.

"The Newark Train Station is about as romantic as a pile of hippo dung with head lice" and other great similes are in these data visualization links. #dataviz #hippodisparagement

These jackoffs are still chasing the high when they got everyone to pay $3 for bottled water. By the way, Aquafina tastes like computer urine and DaSani like "DaSanitary napkins."

A good humor post should make you laugh and then wish you had thought of that. ...and then there's mine: #furry

Are we sure Boba Fett wasn't nicknamed that by his grandmother? What if his real name is Bernard? #mandalorian

Why does Bluesky have me under Following? I wouldn't follow me. I walk through construction sites, looking for lawsuits. I was going to hide in the shrubs when they blew up the 19th street bridge, but had to work.

Another good job for me: investigative reporter. (I fit well into small spaces like cabinets and my family's remaining hopes.)

Do I hear a RE-BOOT coming...

100% Mortality Rate is a beautiful name for a baby girl

Concerns, I'm saying "bro" enough. I'm working it in maybe 2-3 times per week, but more feels forced.

If I was a doctor, I'd test patients reflexes with this:

Joe: I am a 73 year-old retired mechanic in Forsberg, Nebraska. My 3 biggest problems are Iran's uranium enrichment capability, the casting of Helen in Christopher Nolan's "Odyssey," and the ability of Tennesseeans to check out "Roots" from a library 1000 media outlets: can we please talk at length

Its really depressing when someone's post makes you snort loudly, but when you then dig through their history, you find out that's it: that was their humor high-point. It's like seeing a shooting star and finding out that was Anton, the first Albanian cosmonaut after he forgot to secure his tether.

Post your warning sign:

Slightly increase a band. Wolfposse Amadeus Mozart

"The bible says war should be between a man and another man. Adam and Steve; not Adam and Xterminenz-2171 Mk. VI.” www.npr.org/2026/05/15/g... #AI #Drone

Why did we stop at popcorn and potato on the microwave? Why not have a button for dodgy Chinese food or reusable heat pack or Ramen with a fork in it or Gremlin?

Who is this talking goatee? I swear I have never heard of this person in my life. Where do they come from? Is there a casting agency for people who got kicked out of their Rotary club? Are they people who get fired from the mailroom for handing out newsletters in the parking lot? #administruggle

Why don't we have elementary school reunions? I really want to know if Bonnie Lee and TJ stayed together after holding hands on the slide. #reunion

🤣 My favorite moment of the game. #operationepicfurious #vance

There are so many kinds of relationships and that’s beautiful.

Carheart Loincloth sales skyrocket as people revert to primal state. Caveman inventors work on futuristic mini combustion engines. Others begin exploring new modes of transportation such as "walking" and training herds of cats to pull people on frisky-powered sleds. travel.yahoo.com/news/article...

We should close the borders, like right now. He can go through immigration and be back in 7-9 years. www.bbc.com/news/article...

Gas prices are so high, Rockstar Games is rebranding GTA6 as "Grand Theft Pedestrian" #GTA6 #legday

They look like they're attending their great granddaughter's tea party and Camilla just got called a commoner. #royal

There should be a category for songs about Tractors AND Morons AND Armageddon, but regardless: this is a brilliant dataset presentation any music fan should check out. Here's the link again and yes: I pronounce it "data": puntofisso.net/eurovision/ #MamaŠČ #datavis #music

Correct: Somehow, Democrats will be stupid.

Is that Carrie Fisher?