The Epstein Files, everybody!

I love my two blackout drunk Minnesota sons

And announced hunger games? Damn he’s all over those files huh

<slaps hood of the scrutom> We can fit two testicles in here, no problem. It costs extra, but as you can see from the test drive, it’s totally worth it.

Dr Oz: "The creation of a penis costs on average in America $150,000 per child ... if you add testicles, that's extra"

Those people in Facebook comments are perpetually unhappy

gm

Updating a bunch of apps and frying up a quesadilla on the back of my iPhone 16 Pro

“Bari Weiss” sounds like a failed Leinenkugel's seasonal

we already have transgender for everyone. it’s called bluesky

He’s gotta go.

The Onion, 23 years ago. theonion.com/no-blood-for...

update: traffic control are now taking photos and notes to prove vehicles are actually gone on arrival after they’ve been lying all across the city and reporting vehicles that never moved as “gone on arrival” instead of going to the site @lauragmitchell.com

crazy work to do this when dawanna witt is up for reelection in 2026

I missed the address. I assume that it was inspiring and levelheaded.

very weird feeling watching a seemingly coked out president yell at you for 20 minutes straight

i want to go to there

i didnt tune in, did the address go well for anyone

Realizing I shoulda bought more than one bag of these Old Dutch pepperjack chips

never give up your alone time bc that’s when you get to be really disgusting

📺 #Fallout

This 19 person *full green bubble*, not even RCS, extended family group chat will be the end of me

Like literally this is international news and considered a terrorist attack, but the same fuckin thing happens here every day and the response is oh I hope the children had their bulletproof backpacks on. So tell me now, who is really free.

BREAKING: 11 people were killed at Sydney's Bondi Beach in an attack on the Jewish community, an official says.

went to bed with a mass shooting, waking up with a different mass shooting

It's really bad out there, folks

Notice how it’s international news when a mass shooting happens anywhere outside of the US - because it’s NOT NORMAL

A lot of things happening at the same time, all I’m sayin

Cool so we’re just gonna keep doing this then apple

I’M LOSING MY SHIT THIS IS SO FUNNY

Newly Unsealed Batch Of Epstein Estate Photos Contains Rare Holographic Dershowitz

“Hi Carol, this is a recording…” 😤 #Pluribus

Siri has been suggesting I follow this game all night

Why is TikTok trying to tell me I was in some mysterious GATE program in school

SNERGENCY

It fuckin took longer to get home today than on Tuesday - WHY

Her?

Is the chair company actually good or is it just weird

Everyone I know is sick, almost all of them sound like Dracula, and I'm coming to the realization we will not have any idea what any of this shit even is until the Felchfather is out of office.

Your Grain Belt Beer sign in the snow video

Really pretty snow tonight in Minneapolis. Here's the new West Lake Street train station, with the orange still continuing to grow on me. I'm not there yet.. but getting closer. 🟠🚉 Minneapolis December 2025

Once again, the ads in the print edition of @theonion.com are worth the price alone

has anyone checked in with channel 5 kstp for an AI video of what the conditions outside look like

We really needed this

[screams into pillow]

Miss Lemon, your eyes look like my uncles after he would drink from the air conditioner.

its very funny how we've gotten to a point where *comcast* is the preferred buyer of anything

ooo spending all my time at MOA this week 🤞

look, you know RFK JR is only in this shit for himself because he continues to speak. if a real serious person that believed in their science and whatnot wanted to share it and knew they sounded like that, they would find a proxy in order to be taken seriously. that man simply likes the cameras.