Pretty sure the guy opposite me on the train is wearing Kouros. Do they even still make it?

Not even 10am and I’ve seen my first person in an Argentina top. God bless my people.

Going to see Stewart Lee tonight. Upstairs at the King’s. It will be hotter than the surface of the sun up there tonight. Thoughts and prayers for your pal Gail plz

Having a really good July at the cinema so far

no matter your politics it’s disrespectful to joke about someone’s death. don’t say lindsey graham died from smoking a cigar because the cigar exploded in his face and his pants and socks and underwear flew off and then he dropped the cigar on his penis which also exploded. don’t say stuff like that

It’s a perfect day in Glasgow; super sunny but not terrifyingly hot. I’ve been a gorgeous walk, gone out for pizza for lunch and (perhaps foolishly) bought myself a jumpsuit 10/10 Sunday so far

Walked past the Wetherspoon’s where my ma and da live earlier and they were advertising (amongst other things) buzzballs. Had no idea they were something you could buy in a pub. Thought they were something kids got folk to buy for them in the corner shop.

I’m possibly a bit late on this but have we all seen what happens when you type "Erling Haaland” into Google?

The world is full of horrors but also you can just go online and order a load of Jarritos to be delivered to your house so it’s not all bad

That was a terrible penalty. Mon tae fuck, Kylian

Howling.

We’re all trying to find the guy who spent £5 on this cos it made them laugh *it’s me

Standing waiting to meet my pal off her train when the image of her birthday present sitting wrapped on my table flashed into my head. I guess seeing me is a gift in itself, right?

How strong is that fan?!?

Relentless persistence on Twickets has finally got me and my pal tickets for David Byrne in Edinburgh. A TRIUMPH

Unfortunately it has become clear that I want Norway to win the World Cup. I just love the big drum and rowing thing so much. Maybe we could adopt it cos Thelo Aasgaard plays for us 🇳🇴

Boy I just love finding out about what's new in Microsoft Edge

Isaac on seeing my new trainers: oh nice, all the fashion kids are into them *pause* well they were about 8 months ago Keeps you humble, eh 😐

Just bought a train ticket to London and feels both annoying and very bad that you can fly there and back for less than the price of the train one way

Commentator saying Messi *may* be the best OAT. Pal, we are so far past *may*. Nobody’s gonna sue you, just say he’s the best with your full chest

He is inevitable, man. What a sickener for Egypt

Can one of the American law professors please check if he's allowed to do this?

Great morning for us haters 😀

Obviously it’s immensely satisfying to see pictures of Ronaldo crying, but let’s not lose sight of the fact that he’ll still be crying off camera in the dressing room and possibly in his hotel room and maybe even on the flight home

What a beautiful morning to wake up and find out those cheating yank cunts got it right up them 🇧🇪

Thought I’d missed this because it was on at the GFT last week when I was away but Cineworld at Silverburn had a few evening screenings this week. Unsurprisingly, I enjoyed it so much. Love to see all my *close Danish friends working together. *fave Danish actors

Isaac is moving back home this week and you know when you have to try and get a sleeping bag back into the little bag it comes in? Yeah, that.

Saw Norman Blake at the Old Hairdresser’s tonight and let me tell you, a hundred odd people singing What You Do To Me in a tiny room is a vibe

new metaphor just dropped

Getting married in a *stadium* seems a tacky and awful decision at any time but a month after Dua Lipa had the most perfect pop star wedding I’ve ever seen would add insult to injury

Lost my AirPods, got woken at exactly 7am 2 mornings out of 3 when they started doing very noisy building work in the apartment through the wall but still had an amazing time in Berlin. Will never get sick of that city

Travis and Tay are OUT OF CONTROL

I’m In Pitlochry with my ma and da and it’s glorious. My personality for the next few days is going to be 100% “if you got the weather you’d never go anywhere else”

Look at my people having the best time of their lives. Nearly felt patriotic there for a minute and it was drunk folk going daft to the venga boys that did it youtu.be/XewdsJkZgJU?...

"The English traditionally struggle here in Massachusetts" LOL

Watched the new episode of House of the Dragon last night and man, I thought it was dreck. Also, refuse to believe anyone is as into the dragons as they seem to think people are

Walker’s crisps would be about 20p if they weren’t spending a billion quid on World Cup ads

I love the sun and the good weather but also I must always be in the shade #mystruggle

Yesterday I got to hear a man with the strongest Boston accent I’ve ever heard say “steak tartare.” There is still beauty in the world.

Children’s picture book character Pandorobou (the Bread Thief) is a a mouse who disguises himself as a loaf of bread to sneak into bakeries and steal fresh bread.

Just realised it’s the first day of TRNSMT and it’s been chucking it down the entire day in Glasgow. Occasionally it changes to biblical then slows back down to pouring.

That's a whopping majority for Burnham, and hard to argue it isn't driven by a desperate hope that Labour can change its direction of government. Unfortunately it's the same hope that leads Charlie Brown to keep trying to kick that football.

Hopefully that Messi hat trick means Ronaldo is going to demand he starts today, and will be shanking the ball into the hot dog stands at every opportunity

That’s my wean got a degree now. Which is good because if he’d failed my banging outfit for his graduation ceremony in a couple of weeks would have gone to waste

Stop saying dia-spora, ffs

Cannot get enough videos from New York. Sports joy is so lovely to see *as long as it is not from your mortal enemies

The Knicks finally figured out how to do the right thing.

New Yorkers singing Empire State of Mind

My instagram is wall to wall that adidas McTominay Scotland advert and honestly, I’m not mad about it

Summer going so well I’ve ordered a new rain jacket 😕