I don’t want to laugh at a small business but also VERY funny

Genuinely can’t believe they’re just going to go for the “God are we still talking about that? It’s so boring and unimportant 🙄” defence

Off today and giving myself the treat of two films at two different cinemas and maybe a Nando’s on the way between them. Don’t tell me I don’t know how to have a good time.

Inside me are two wolves and neither of them would voluntarily listen to a Keir Starmer speech

If the Labour Party thought you’d forget enough about Mandelson to bring him back in 2 years time they’d 100% do it. They are rotten to the core. Dead party

hello yes i would like a shitty person to experience a consequence? idk man fucking any of them surprise me yes i'll hold

Me yesterday: things are going quite well Things today: oh you fucking think so, do you

Been giving it some thought and mini eggs really are the perfect confectionery aren’t they? The crispy delicious shell, the chocolate, the smell. Ridiculously expensive but somehow still worth it

It's so grotesquely and pathetically apt that even in his damning Epstein emails Elon Musk just reeks overwhelmingly and unmistakably of that vacuous desperation for acceptance and approval. What on this Earth could be more risible than "please, please invite me to your child abuse party island"

April 2028!! Two fucking years of this shit. What are we doing here? Are people super interested in this and I’m just out of step with the mood?

Reached the bit of Summer House where Erica Kirk (?!?!) shows up

the primary blocker to UBI is the puritan belief that humanity is so sinful and depraved that it should not be permitted personhood unless it becomes 'civilised' that's how liberal social policy ended up asserting that helping people would harm them but hurting people would help them

No disrespect but Spurs really need to realise that their transfer windows can’t just be buying any old stuff because it’s a bargain, like me in TK Maxx

Really looking forward to this. Everything about The Detectorists tells you it’s written by someone who loves people www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio...

Rilo Kiley and Sugar playing on the same night (albeit different cities) and I couldn’t go either because I’m on holiday. Can’t believe holidays have turned on me like this

I didn’t need another reason to dislike Aranofsky but here we are

Just saw an instagram reel suggesting there’s going to be a sequel to The Time Traveller’s Wife and then I’ve just been crying and thinking about that book even though I haven’t read it in about 20 years

Only just seen about Nigella and the bake off. They must be paying her a billion quid, man

Cruz Beckham playing King Tut’s seems very funny, ngl

Having a cracking day off. Went to see a film this morning, going to see another one tonight. Bit of reading my book in between. Low key delightful day

Got two sunshine pool/beach holidays this summer and decided that my usual sun safety game of shoving an old t-shirt over my swimsuit could probably be improved so just bought this. Not even going away until May but the thought of it is cheering

Social media is full of awful people. However, if I'm honest, I judge the people who reshare their own posts the most harshly.

A lot of women over 40 on my instagram very excited about the America’s Next Top Model documentary that’s coming out. The Roman Empire for the Gen X/Millenial crossover.

Idk I kinda think we should bring beliefs like this back. Tell them we gotta fix global warming asap or the Leviathan will escape. We gotta sacrifice another billionaire to the ocean or the harvest will be bad and food will get more expensive

Wouldn’t have made it out of the VEEP writers room

Can confirm that being a journalist is occasionally very sick indeed.

stop using AI to do your research. it hallucinates too often. if you want an answer to something, post something arrogant on the appropriate subreddit. something like: "this item performs 10% better than everything else. only idiots deny this." this will bait nerds into doing your research for you.

Appreciate that period Japanese/Korean violence is a very specific genre that I’m into but we are watching Last Samurai Standing on Netflix and it is so enjoyable if that sort of thing also your bag. The choreography and how they’ve shot the action scenes is 👌🏻

Every word I’ve ever heard about Bear Grylls has been against my will

In other good news, the Everyman has a few screenings of “It Was Just an Accident” this week. Been desperate to see it after missing it on original release

Ever hear a snippet of a song on a mutual’s instagram story from a gig and think “oh that is extremely my bag”. Very pleasant way to find a band

The guy should get a medal. He’s trashed Labour’s natural support base, sunk them to a distant second or third in the polls and made Starmer the most unpopular PM in history all for the grand reward of 0% of Reform voters switching to Labour. Quite an achievement.

Sometimes I hate the internet and wish it had never been invented and then I see things like this and it's like looking at God

It is deeply insane to me that this film got zero Oscar nominations. ZERO. Might go see it again next week just to spend more time in the amazing greenhouse

Maybe ask Amanda if she’s mortified about banging on constantly about Jade #TheTraitors

Traitors proving how useful acab is as a rule to live by

I love Stephen. The face of a doomed WW1 officer and the wardrobe of John Travolta. #thetraitors

Let’s not pretend it’s a victory for feminism, Rachel #TheTraitors

If Jack had just listened to Faraaz they’d have won together ALSO HOW HAVE YOU NOT STILL GOT IT FFS

Couldn’t be me sharing 95 grand with that woman #ThrTraitors

I am Jack’s dawning realisation.

Well tbf they didn’t turn on each other. Deserved win #TheTraitors

Surely the point of being a traitor is that you can’t just trust the other traitors. Steven should have shanked Rachel there #TheTraitors

Also why has not a single person picked up on Rachel saying “if I was a faithful I’d have murdered me”?! Seems sus to me #TheTraitors

Feel quite pleased that I wouldn’t be taken in by Rachel because I would not like her at all #TheTraitors

Amanda copaganda can GTF

Sometimes you really need a reminder that not everyone and everything is awful

Last week when I arranged to go out for food tonight with my pal I did not realise it was the final of The Traitors. Gonna need to stay off my phone and watch it immediately I get home. Will be sad to miss all your posts about it

As if the dentist waiting room isn’t bad enough there’s Heart Radio playing and the guy next to me is cracking his knuckles