We should give Jim Ratcliffe another knighthood for contribution to gaiety of the nation.

Ghosted someone immediately after our first date. In their dating profile and our pre-date messages to each other they failed to mention that they work in Human Resources. I'm not dating a scab.

Cry me a fucking river

🎶Never felt more like singing the blues…🎶

Jeremy Doku appreciation post.

Ah, here we go again.

Crystal Palace with key win as Liverpool get their first defeat of the season! 🦅 Who’s been your Man of the Match?

I wonder how many minutes Liverpool will get this week?

Low cross into the box was it? Colour me shocked

Due to the ongoing "cossy livs" I switched to cheaper coffee I think I'll just not pay the mortgage next month

There is no better feeling that when the barperson thinks you're next to be served, but actually someone else was and you get to be all like 'no, it's actually their turn' and you're basically Jesus.

Am I being thick? How does an ID card stop illegal migrants from working in the black market? I'm pretty sure those sweat shops in Cheetham Hill know full well that they're using slave labour

First thought, was I know I'm tired but I didn't realise I'd slept for 3 years. This is an absolutely crazy way to use and report polling. It should not be getting this kind of priority at this stage in an electoral cycle.

James Milner was in his sixth season of professional football when Harry Howell was born, and it shows by the size of their shin pads 😂

Huh - I really was not expecting Haaland's taste in both modern and canonical classical music to be this good.

Am I being thick? How does an ID card stop illegal migrants from working in the black market? I'm pretty sure those sweat shops in Cheetham Hill know full well that they're using slave labour

We want ten from the away fans Top bants

the migrants are eating swans shite works for farage because the viral clip is worth more than the truth now to lots of people. even when it's been disproven the news cycle has moved on, and so it just adds to the dehumanising, sometimes subtle, other times, such as this, as explicit as can be.

Is putting *Hope you're well?" at the start of an email taught in schools now or something?

To win a football game from this point is unbelievable To win the league from this point is inconceivable #WeSeeThingsThey'llNeverSee

Only just caught up with the Arsenal highlights Seen people complaining about the equaliser You've just got to say that was a hell of a finish from Martinelli With anything like that you have to ask yourself "How would I react if that was a City player?" You'd be saying it was brilliant

Just beat a gold stake deck on Balatro I'm not ashamed to say I fist pumped to an empty house

Reform’s new position on indefinite leave to remain is even more extremist than Donald Trump’s crackdown on US immigration. If any of Reform’s political opponents fancied saying they publicly, that might be nice. Handily, it’s even true.

Reform are filth. They represent hatred, extremism, ignorance and irresponsibility. They'd make us a wretched vicious hateful little island. If people don't stand up to this, they won't stand up to anything.

Nice to see the BBC remaining impartial

I remember, when I was a small boy in the 1960s, saying "Dad, what's an anachronism?", and he simply replied "Google it".

Three minutes 😂

Already hit my take-away coffee ceiling. No more at that price, thank-you very much.

It seems like behind every bad government decision there lurks a Cummings or McSweeney. None of us voted for these advisors and strategists, yet they are given so much control over the country. Get fucking rid.

Great performance from City last night Hopefully with that red card taking some of the competitiveness out of the game, we managed to save some energy before the weekend Not that I'm particularly confident but having two days less to recuperate is ridiculous

Commentator is gagging for a Liverpool winner on TNT

Fuck me, Ally McCoist is stretching the definition of a "pass" from Gravenberch there

Hi I'm Alexander and I'm doing a shit

Madrid have conceded 🥳 Assist by Mason Greenwood 🚮

I don't follow much football other than City. Can any hipsters tell me which is likely to be the best game from the 20:00 kick offs?

Better sack a few more cleaners now Jim.

Elon Musk openly called for violence on our streets yesterday. I hope politicians from all parties come together to condemn his deeply dangerous and irresponsible rhetoric. Britain must stand united against this clear attempt to undermine our democracy.

The extremist march was infested with vile racism and incoherent ideas. That is their weakness. It must be exploited ✏️ @paulmason.bsky.social

Just tried to do the age verification thing for Bluesky by using my face Not sure what to make of that

💙🆚❤️ Pep Guardiola: “Since I arrived here, Man City have always been better than Man United”.

“Turn the next election into a choice between Labour and Reform and rely on everyone voting Labour to block Reform” is a bad tactic to start with. But it’s a *terrible* tactic when you do absolutely nothing to oppose Reform while in government.

Is it just me or is that Zubimendi goal the inverse of "Looks better every time you see it"? Looked like a top corner banger first time. Looks like a deflected shot that the keeper would have otherwise easily saved on replay

Food inflation really is out of control isn't it? Everything is just getting so expensive and getting worse all the time I feel so sorry for those who were already on the limit

Is putting *Hope you're well?" at the start of an email taught in schools now or something?

I'm online quite a lot I listen to a lot of podcasts I read a weekly news magazine I'd never heard of Charlie Kirk before he was shot

Nuno sacked Is it true that him and Halle Berry are a couple? Or was that just a meme? If so, I doubt he's too bothered

Weird, my alert gave hyper-specific directions to a bunker and said that the masses were being told the alert was just a test? Nice of them to goof around with the emergency alert, I guess.