“This is an outlandish idea, but I think it’s actually feasible,” he said. “We’ve got to build a giant wall across the channel. This isn’t being talked about much." I wonder why that is.

NIIIIIIIIIKOOOOO!!!

“Why does everyone hate The Arsenal despite City having 115 (plus) charges against them?”

Turn it in, love.

Not entirely sure why Phil Foden feels a need to show us him having private coaching sessions on Instagram.

"Diana!"

2. Good nutrition is vital. People talk about carb-loading, but this is not evidence based and can lead to you feeling bloated on the start line. A good breakfast would include lightly poached salmon, two oxo cubes crumbled into a glass of sherry, and five bags of monster munch.

I was on a plane for the City match and only found out the score an hour or so ago. I trust Reijnders was absolutely fucking dogshit.

The fuck is that, Airport barman.

Had to wear a suit and get on trains today. Would not recommend. 1 popcorn.

Fucking hell.

Oh my goodness. The absolute fucking state of Chelsea.

A load of Maradona stickers courtesy of @stixx1979.bsky.social Cheers mate!!

I turned that match off on 75 mins and watched yesterday’s highlights again.

Quite the atmosphere at Selhurst Park tonight.

Jamie Jackson only gave Bernardo Silva 7/10 for yesterday the fucking idiot.

We go again.

Today has been quite the struggle. Had an in-person meeting at 2pm at which I went to pick up my cup of coffee and I immediately sensed a Michael J Fox situation so aborted the mission. Also nearly passed out and had a redder face than Alan Brazil.

I think my 6am Monday morning alarm "to get on top of things" might have been a tad ambitious.

That was an extremely traumatic second half. Bernie and O’Reilly were ridiculous. Up the fucking Blues.

The shit I got on Twitter from United fans for pointing out that Garancho is a fucking terrible footballer and also a massive dickhead. How times change.

I’m only here for the full time toxicity at this stage.

Keeper.

I wonder what madness Attwell will do in this game. The useless cunt.

That Declan Rice knows where a camera is doesn’t he?

Why do so many referees look they should be in The Hitler Youth nowadays?

I won’t bore you with what I do for a living but a lot of it involves meetings with barristers. Today was quite a big one, albeit on Teams. I got up dead early, ironed a shirt, put on a suit, wore a tie, socks, shoes and underpants. Text: “Hi, turn your camera and microphone off” Livid.

NO ONE TOLD ME LIVERPOOL WERE LOSING AGAIN TONIGHT

Absolute definition here of a “busy cunt”.

Crying. Again.

Don’t get out of your pram, mate, I’m trying to do you a favour.

I didn’t know that lad who scored two for Leeds was from Switzerland. I’m not normally a fan of them but their flag is a big plus.

The funniest long weekend of Association for quite some time.

THE BARBER

BOOOOOOOOOO

Michael, no one gives a shit what you’re saying. There’s no need to cover your mouth.

Luke Shaw looks he’s had a good Easter.

FERNANDES!!!!! *goalkeeper catches it*

Someone put this on a flag.

BEAT IT FOUR EYES

*MOVES TO HUNGARY*

Just catching up. He’s now picking a fight with The Pope? Sound.

Fucking hell.

Henry Winter wants some kid who’s barely played for Arsenal but ran in a straight line to put the ball into an open goal over Nico O’ Reilly. A kid who’s played 45 games out of our 50 this season, already won a trophy he was pivotal in doing. What a fucking bellend.

I LIKE FRENCH ONES *Cherki*

Taking things well again I see.

Fuck me. This is shaping up to be the most hilarious PL season ever.

There is no man on earth more joyless than Gary fucking Neville.

Lovely little late birthday present from @williamshuttoh.bsky.social and Daisy.