“Are you having a good wedding, son?”

That Brooklyn Beckham statement has everything, including an accusation of his Mum being a bit of a nonce. I think I’ve previously underestimated him.

The promo is already top notch:

Not sure Mendy's getting enough credit for holding his nerve and standing still there btw. More goalie's should do that imo.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Clearing out Ruth’s stepdad’s flat in Swansea. Not a single photograph of me. Not one.

That Liverpool penalty seems all above board.

Hi Guys. Please talk to me about Men’s Mental Health

My first drink of the year. Blue cunts.

Bar the second half v Newcastle, that’s exactly how we’ve been playing since Chelsea at home. Haaland and Foden have been absolutely fucking wank.

I’m in a hotel room in a foreign country and I’ve started drinking. Please update your #DerbyDay spreadsheets.

I cannot lie, not only is this funny, it looks like great fun.

Hang on a minute!!!

Some brilliant individual performances there. Not you, Erling.

I think that might be the worst I’ve ever seen.

That’s absolutely sensational

You have to laugh, because it’s funny.

Post a pic of the venue where you saw your first concert and the band or artist.

Another decent game to watch. I’m pinning this entirely on the lack of VAR and will hear no different.

Looking forward to the first “We support our local team” from the 8,000 Exeter City fans today (current average home attendance - 6,770)

Normality.

The cheeky little scamp.

Someone go right through the cunt.

“How long will John Stones be out for, Pep?” “No idea” When was the last time anyone actually saw him? He might genuinely be dead.

There is a cricket club who will remain nameless (Bamford Fieldhouse) who had a millionaire get involved with them. We played them and they had a first class County player guest pro-ing and all the other lads were on decent till. They warmed up and the ‘owner’ joined in wearing jeans. Sir Jim, that.

Is Jamie Smith fucking mute?

Absolute banter if Ake and Kusanov get injured on Wednesday. Never known us have zero fit CBs before. Ake’s nailed on in any event due to him being 80% digestive.

Although this is a close second.

This is, and always will be, my favourite.

Further evidence that Alex Petridis needs new ears.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmi6... Despite it being actually heart breaking.

I have to report with confidence that they aren’t back.

This United Wolves match is mental. Like Monday night five a side.

Fraud

I see The Barclays is having a normal one tonight.

I was in The Bridgewater in Worsley after a few hours of drinking after playing football and Great Britain Rugby League player, Adrian Morley, walked in. “Aye aye, it’s that Andy Farrell” I said. He picked me up and, with not inconsiderable force, threw me onto the floor. It hurt. A lot.

Cannes

Complete fuck up, on my part, that Martin Odegaard didn’t feature in the Fraud eleven. A nothingness of a player.

✊

I’d rather be a cheat than a scab.

Superb. I'm off to bed.

I'm getting some cheese.

We can still easily lose this.

Oh, good. Someone who'll really dig in.

They are fucking mental.

This is funny

Leave it you tit.

Lads, you don't have to get them all today.

I'm sure the messaging to the players will be clear (sarcasm)

This is fucking mental.