hnnnng I wanna draw but I'm feeling like

💞

it's nice when cleaning is mostly just throwing things away. in this case, taking a bunch of plastic bags to the recycling at the grocery store a block away

Car Mechanic Simulator is making me want to just open my hood and look at my engine

Me when he shows up again next week:

Marc DeMaco

ironically, the whole Riyadh Comedy Festival has given me a worse opinion of every one of those comedians except Pete Davidson. there's something to be said for without shame demanding, "you guys kinda killed my dad, I'm gonna need $2 million for an hour's work."

U.S. Forest Service Kills Off Smokey Bear To Get People Serious About Fire Safety

ALMOST 24 HOURS LEFT! ⏳ Time is almost up! Preorder Star Garden on Kickstarter now and get the full game at a discount!

jane goodall made me believe i could just go up and hug any wild animal

"I'm too high to learn about Superman!" "I'm talking about Batman now." "See??"

just guess

I’m so fucking sick of this SKIN HIM ALIVE ON SIGHT

whatever dude

First time this guy has ever made me laugh

Gotta participate in this year's -tober challenge

ⓘ 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘻𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘈𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘢. 𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘴𝘶𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘳.

I’ve instructed my gf if I die to fill in for all my headlining dates btw

If I was a tutoring company and I wanted to convince you that I could teach your kids maths, I would probably not have an advert that said “3=2” on it! That’s just me though.

oh my god complete vindication. he banned me over facts!

Alex Jones, apparently:

literally the only thing I remember from my dream is the following line: "with our technology, we're getting close to making bananas immune to celebrity endorsements!"

for the first time in history the woke mob has un-cancelled somebody

"I think we should go back to putting women in isolation tents when we're on our periods." "You just want a vacation, don't you?" "Yeah, every month??? I deserve it!"

Horrific bonus panel here: www.smbc-comics.com/comic/treat-2 #smbc

nothing quite like going to work after a continuous all-night work dream about *trying* to get to work 😭

I made a half orc barbarian and it is so satisfying to just flat out threaten Kagha. No more, "hey, maybe don't kill that child, that's not very druidic of you." just, "you hurt that kid and you're not going to have a snake *or* a face."

In Metal Gear Solid (1998), when fighting the Hind D helicopter, you're advised to keep track of its location by listening to the stereo panning. But if you've set "Sound" to "Monaural" in the Options menu, you get this exclusive addition. . .

Republicans are acting like they just learned about the concept of death

"i wish there was a GTA where you followed the rules of the road"

Report: You To Be Fired For Reading This Headline About Charlie Kirk

me when my alarm goes off in the morning

I did it. I finally beat BG3! 🎉🎉🎉

Sometimes I think about how Rumpelstiltskin came up with a fun little song that the queen overheard him singing, and when she guessed his name his immediate response is "HOW THE FUCK DID YOU FIGURE THAT OUT?" instead of "shit, why the hell did I say my name out loud in song form??"

yea yea i'm listening, honey, you said tim robinson shot charlie kirk

it’s crazy he just doesn’t care at all lol

This is the video game equivalent of putting morbius back in theaters

Today is 9/11. The flags are at half-staff. Not because it's 9/11 though. 🙄

I guess this has probably already gone viral somewhere but I am simply dying at this picture of a bear that looks like it hired a photographer to do a glamour shoot

I'm basically gonna look like a vampire at my wedding. these sleeves are flowy as heck!

Only one person got stoned to death every year? Seems like a pretty good deal! And the odds of my name being drawn are practically zero!

"that's not funny, no one should lose their lives to gun violence" so true! that's what we've been saying all along. I'm so glad you agree

Protesters Urged Not To Give Trump Administration Pretext For What It Already Doing

me if the nintendo direct on friday doesn’t mention professor layton