Picked up a shift at—

doomscroll scream into pillow repeat

I like a big flavor

ask your doctor if dissociation could be right for you

Why do red state maga accounts care so much about California gas prices?

This text shoulda been an email

“I’m not going to pay a lot for this muffler.” *puts scarf back on shelf

Baby Shark has over 16 billion views. 16 Billion with a B. I have no response.

Cutty Shark doo doo doo doo doo doo Cutty Shark doo doo doo doo doo doo

this meeting could have been a collective primal scream

Wanna go halfsies on this loaf of despair?

Hey, keep my relentless expressions of despair out of this.

Heads are going to explode 💥 Cato Institute just nuked the lie. Immigrants have cut U.S. deficits by $14.5 TRILLION since 1994, slashing the national debt by a third. All that “immigrants are bleeding us dry” noise? Absolute bullshit. 1/3

Playing tambourine for minimum wage

Yes, FBI? I’m calling to report a murder.

All shitposters are on other TLs. Your skeet is important to us… youtu.be/-3Ww5L83a6k?...

Chat notifications are just Listification telling me I got blocked again by somebody.

when people tell me ill regret it in the morning, i sleep til noon

Was it Epstein who paid off Kavanaugh's debts?

The extent to which all of this is about one guy's psychological inability to admit he lost a contest will never stop breaking my brain. Perhaps a good lesson is that it's important to teach your kids how to lose—maybe even giving awards just for playing to show that not losing isn't everything.

A pill organizer, but for Lucky Charms

giving Kirkland Signature vibes

I'm too high and may gonna pay a lot for this muffler

a word to my fellow pb&j eaters -- stick with grape or strawberry jelly. this petroleum flavor is not jiving at all.

There’s no emoji for saudade

The Epstein emails should really end the debate over whether society should have billionaires. "Do you want there to be a class of people so powerful they can fuck your kids and no one will even try to do anything" seems like an easy sell if everyone in politics wasn't trying to get on their payroll

Sisterhood of the Traveling Shitpost

Social Media Engagement Product™️

ok. now what?

perhaps Gossamer could entice you today

this…

orders Rice without A Roni

looks good in pleather

ghosted by pornbots

Robin Leach. Lifestyles of the Sick and Twisted.

This really sucks…

They took my kindness as weakness. So I took my kindness elsewhere.

⚪️ sardonic ⚪️ sarcastic ⚪️ facetious ⚫️ all of the above

can’t focus can’t stay awake can’t think of a solution for this

Me: I OPT OUT. Them: Of what exactly Me: [motions at everything]

JD Vance Places Candle Outside Hooters Where ICE Agents Were Heckled

overwhelmed … yet underwhelmed

@whistlingbatter.bsky.social has blocked you @whistlingbatter.bsky.social has added you to the "ppl who got trump elected" custom feed list Anyone know how I can be removed from this custom feed list. Cuz I certainly did not get him elected.

equilibrium might fix me

theater snack bar vibes

All you fascists are bound to lose… youtu.be/Vq75KA5IA0A?...

Looked up the definition of “worthless” … and saw a picture of Fetterman.

Fox is a terrorist organization