no one: Substack: you know what the world needs? More group chats. ❤️

no one: Substack: you know what the world needs? More group chats. ❤️

I just tried that biohack of jumping 100 times before starting the day. But only 30 times cause I’m outta shape ❤️

I just tried that biohack of jumping 100 times before starting the day. But only 30 times cause I’m outta shape ❤️

To whoever put me on a new starter pack 1. Thank u 2. What’s wrong with u? ❤️

To whoever put me on a new starter pack 1. Thank u 2. What’s wrong with u? ❤️

whenever my stomach hurts my poodle jumps on it like a trampoline ❤️

It’s impressive how @theonion.com has still managed to stay funny even when everything has become a parody of itself. ❤️

still figuring out Substack. still pissed to discover it’s not a pancake restaurant 💔

sheesh, rl is too much. who wants to go back in time with me and hang out at tower records

babybel implies the existence of scarybel, sportybel, gingerbel and poshbel

existence is exhausting

I hate LA so much lol

business idea: sinus infection kissing booth ❤️

get in loser

this is all so stupid and crazy lol ❤️

Such a girls girl, she pulled an all nighter with me. ❤️

I would love to be murdered by this cow SPECIFICALLY. ❤️ so stinkin’ cute ✨

First Substack post! ❤️ open.substack.com/pub/samantha...

AWW. The ghost in my house just asked me where the lactaid was ❤️

My dog sleeps with her ear up like a lil antenna, hbu? ❤️

Fuckin’ geese won’t get out of my yard either.

new year, same big honkers ❤️

Go pound sand? Maybe I will *creates beautiful glass*

Omg it’s been 365 days since the last set of 365 days ❤️

happy tool year to all the tools out there ❤️

Might fuck around and roast garlic, puree it, and mix it with mayo

I don’t think I have a Hank Hill ass but I do think that’s what every guy with a Hank Hill ass tells themselves

It’s been a while since I’ve shared a loaf: Pesto and on the vine cherry tomato foccacia!

my god daughter won’t let us watch the Grinch because it’s “unpleasant to look at and not good” 💚

✨home is where the fart is ✨

Dear weird company I applied to three years ago. I do not need a rejection letter at this point. Love, me ❤️

As we mourn Rob Reiner, don’t skip this: he was, pretty much, personally responsible for overturning California’s Prop 8 banning same sex marriage. www.hollywoodreporter.com/business/bus...

TAKE UP SPACE DIVA

i love how excited my dogs get when i’m on the floor it’s as though i’ve entered their country and they want to welcome me

I made meatballs if anyone wants one ❤️

Aw my foccacia has a butt crack ❤️

I went with my friend to co-dependent anonymous bc she needed me ❤️

Scientists now believe that the human brain--a magic goo for worrying--can also be used to do other things

how do I have 4.1k people who follow me. Theres something wrong with y’all ❤️

If they just took up crochet instead of ruining our lives it would all be FINE but f*ck crochet I guess. ❤️

life became cost prohibitive once the free trial expired