on hold with Delta for five hours cuz I’m lonely ❤️

on hold with Delta for five hours cuz I’m lonely ❤️

I’m “starting to enjoy HGTV” years old today ❤️

proud to report I’m off jello 👍

You never see it coming

I’m “starting to enjoy HGTV” years old today ❤️

proud to report I’m off jello 👍

Someone plz get this for me

Omg luv this cool machine that reminds me where all my body parts are ❤️

SO CUTE: a nurse threatened to call security on me because I was in too much pain to control my volume while struggling to breathe… it was upsetting the other patients. so considerate of them . ❤️ Any tips on how to quietly suffer in a hospital? They don’t like the way I do it here. 😟

Im not feeling funny right now but I’m really grateful for you guys ❤️

Someone plz get this for me

Omg luv this cool machine that reminds me where all my body parts are ❤️

it was supposed to be glorious like the noon sun and instead all we get is one of those shitty blinking LEDs on hotel fire alarms that keeps you up at night hope you're doing better today 🫂

Im not feeling funny right now but I’m really grateful for you guys ❤️

you’re probably using the wrong steak knife

SO CUTE: a nurse threatened to call security on me because I was in too much pain to control my volume while struggling to breathe… it was upsetting the other patients. so considerate of them . ❤️ Any tips on how to quietly suffer in a hospital? They don’t like the way I do it here. 😟

My iphone has started doing that thing where it’s just a useless brick ❤️

Z is such a fucked up letter tbh

There’s a man at the hospital yelling “IM PEEING IM PEEING” and I’m wondering if I should start saying that too ❤️

I’m in a smelly hospital and bored AMA ❤️

Some words were never meant to be written down I don't know how "zhuzh" as in "to jooj it up" should be spelled but it's not that It's just a sound. Just give up. This should never survive in written records

go touch fiberglass

they should make a candle that smells like the room temp jello that this hospital is trying to get me to eat.

tfti 💔

this promotion in my spam slaps. NGL ❤️

I’ll relax right after I ruin everything ❤️

I’ll relax right after I ruin everything ❤️

nutritious, tummy friendly snacks ?

nutritious, tummy friendly snacks ?

if you tell me tomatoes are fruit one more time… I swtg ❤️

Chameleon-like, Miho skillfully blends into her surroundings, declining to pounce until her prey (a dropped tater-tot), has no chance of escape.

I went into anaphylaxis and all I got was this t shirt ❤️

Trying to be present but unfortunately I have a brain. ❤️

antiques roadshow is a fever dream but it’s *my* fever dream. ❤️

I went into anaphylaxis and all I got was this t shirt ❤️

antiques roadshow is a fever dream but it’s *my* fever dream. ❤️

still figuring out Substack. still pissed to discover it’s not a pancake restaurant 💔

Trying to be present but unfortunately I have a brain. ❤️

I just tried that biohack of jumping 100 times before starting the day. But only 30 times cause I’m outta shape ❤️

whenever my stomach hurts my poodle jumps on it like a trampoline ❤️

It’s impressive how @theonion.com has still managed to stay funny even when everything has become a parody of itself. ❤️

still figuring out Substack. still pissed to discover it’s not a pancake restaurant 💔

sheesh, rl is too much. who wants to go back in time with me and hang out at tower records

babybel implies the existence of scarybel, sportybel, gingerbel and poshbel

existence is exhausting

I hate LA so much lol