"Never be deceived that the rich will allow you to vote away their wealth" - Lucy Parsons

Last message I ever got on grindr

The thinkpad I've been making makeshift repairs on for decades:

Who the fuck is watching these guys rant in their trucks?

He looks like a children's drawing, he looks like a clown at his side gig, he has no business looking like a DreamWorks rentacop rn

Trump: I'm evil Liberals (pensively): I see where we went wrong... Trump: I'm REALLY evil Liberals: I'm also evil!

Goodnight and Goodluck. I hope it happens while I'm asleep so I can wake up to good news

My favorite part of evil, is that it eats itself as it eats you. They told her what to say, and now they're throwing her under the bus for saying it.

So, ya girl is running for city council, what do y'all think I should know before I do?

If anyone tells you posting isn't worthwhile, I want you to know it got me my dream job

Humans are so weird, imagine shoving a hamburger into a gas tank and thinking "that should be good for a few hours"

[me on the toilet] [loud record scratch noise] powerful omnipresent voice: yep, that's mike. he has no idea what's about to happen to him. me: h-hello? powerful omnipresent voice: let's take a quick rewind first, see where he went wrong before his inevitable disaster me: what help

They deflavored guy fieri =c

If someone said this to me I would become one of those dogs that pee when they get too excited.

Showing them its possible to bring glory to the gloryhole

You're lookin' real faggy today bro (with zealous terrifying adoration)

No no, you guys don't get it, when he was saying hes going to bring manufacturing jobs back, he meant jobs that "manufacture consent"

One time, while I was working landscaping I remember one of the guys spending 40 minutes describing what the perfect pussy would look like. Queue me saying "it sounds like you want a vagina" and him taking a swing at me immediately

Only thing I miss about covid was the social acceptance of farting on people who got too close

Ever since I was a small child I knew I wanted to press the wrong button a lot

Reasons I want a gun [ ] for home defense [ ] to support my 2nd amendment rights [✔] Because they are fun [ ] to commit unspeakable acts of violence against those who wronged you

Making the dialup noise whenever someone touches me without permission

Siri bounce on it until I don't need therapy

Siri bounce on it a lil

When you hear the words "reform" understand that you're trusting an existing system to police itself

<<< lady who calls me big dog before she spits in my mouth

When they view your basic freedoms as bargaining chips, those freedoms become something they would abandon for political gain.

Work fit

Reminder that a system is what it does. If there have been years of concessions in basic dignities and rights by Liberal leaders it means its what they're for.

You gotta understand I'm going to say completely illegible shit from time to time, your job as my friend is to nod and say "same" based on tone

Been participating in the ritual (morning sit down piss)

Is he talking about the same god?

Every headline seems like parody

If I had a gf I would show her so many cool bugs

One of the most amazing things about the age of information is that you'll still have someone saying the dumbest shit you've ever heard in your entire life with their whole chest

I can't believe this is what they're using to advertise AI

my shit is so together I am practically constipated

Currently practicing self abuse (playing world of warcraft)

Republicans: WE ARE GOING TO FUND THE FUCK OUT OF ICE Liberals: WE ARE GOING TO FUND THR FUCK OUT OF ICE 🏳️‍🌈

pretty sure he meant the other thing, grok, but very cool that those are your two things

Going to take a shit so nasty they're going to fire me

Y'all ever seen 14 grams of dabs?

Psychiatrist: Do you think murder is ok? Me: No! Of course not! Psychiatrist: *Writes wouldn't kill hitler*

Soups on, who wants some?

Guy: can I have your attention please? Me: sure just don't lose it

When you hit dismiss instead of snooze on your alarm

Man on the corner: YOU HAVE TO FIT AS MANY SMALL FOREST CRITTERS IN YOUR ASSHOLE AS POSSIBLE Me: I think he might be onto something but I can't devote that kind of time to a religion right now Me at pearly gates surrounded by small shit covered forest critters: I regret everything

People (my friend Rick) kept asking me why I would go to work at the penis smashing factory. I thought we would be smashing other people's penises

Wesley unplugged the carbon monoxide detector to charge his fucking DSi