In this house, we kneel for the sink piss and stand for the porch piss

I have two wolves inside of me, and they have both been euthanized

Until the room starts to stink

This the type of shit Sid was making in Toy Story

Wiped my ass so much it started to sound like cheap windshield wipers

Y'all, I just found out this guy has been threatening me for WEEKS, and I didn't notice until today

"Just delete your social media" Yeah ok dude and maybe I'll stop smokin and drinkin 40s and doing sick grinds down the cart corrals at Meijer. Fucking dork.

Why does @girlsuffer.bsky.social never talk about how depression causes memory loss?

Do you think batman has a diaper built into the suit so he doesn't have to stop fighting crime?

Me and bestie checking to see if anyone is watching before we commit sins against both God and man

You tell a witch ONE TIME that her ankles look a lil weird, and BOOM, you're pissing out frogs for the rest of your God Damned life

Pov you wanted affordable college

"THIS IS THE SOUND GOOD PUSSY MAKES" Gandalf Bellows, the sound of macaroni being stirred echos into the distance. Gandalf bellows, and with a mighty twerk of his asscheecks, the Balrog falters, the macaroni noises turning into the sounds of a whoopy cushion filled with lube

Pov, you're a seed:

If I win the lottery, I won't tell anyone, but there will be signs

When you fail your perception check:

You might be cool, but you'll never be dog in sunglasses, with a chain sausage leash cool

"enpessant" I say as I kick the man next to me feet out from under him as shift from being next to him to being behind him. "where did you learn such a legendary move" he ask trembling smirks "oh just from a little game called chess. every heard of it?" I grab the last banana and leave

If you have any questions or concerns, please direct them to our new supreme leader

Me and my homies would beat a sentient, human sized Clippy to death with hammers I'll tell you that much for free

Normal person: Oh wow, she's beautiful Incel: 2/10 her 4th rib on the right side is too long, and she has cartilage

Sometimes, you get drunk and steal a pole

Jack it so well, I reproduced asexually

Me gazing timidly at the audience: You might ask yourself what truth looks like. Audience: *mild bored chatter* Me yawpin' it out: IT LOOKS LIKE A HOT DOG TATTOO Audience: *incredible pants shitting applause *

THAT'S RIGHT GREATEST CAROLINA IN DA WORLD

Y'all ever see big hair me?

Ask not for whom the hamburger helps. The hamburger helps for thee

Me: *Card Declines* Plumber: *Reshits my toilet*

No I'm sorry when I said I made it with my hands that was an ingredients thing, not a process thing

"Purpose of a system is what it does" if a system is dehumanizing people and killing them, that's it's purpose.

Me, moments after learning what the word bukkake meant

I'm drinking this

I dont "need" to drink i jusr wanna get hungover tomorrow

Doctor: I've got some bad news and some good news Me: Give it to me straight, doc Doctor: Well, the surgery was a success. You'll live a long and healthy life Me: And what's the good news?

What was his plan? "I hope he just feels bad and gives up?"

I think it's important to look back on... moments such as this and think of the way these things shape who we are

Me [screaming]: Probe me! PROBE ME! IT'LL BE NORMAL BRO, JUST PROBE ME! XJ72081 [Sweating]: He's still fucking out there man XJ72082: Why don't we just probe him? XJ72081: He's a freak brother, I don't even know how he keeps finding us

What I mean when I say "I'm holding it together"

What would your bullet casings say?

What Harry Potter does well is it steals ideas and concepts from other places and stories and implements them seamlessly. It just takes them from the most bigoted places and stories possible.

Did a telemarketer write this?

lets try this again More Moots in Pog Form @theonewhocums.bsky.social @littlelemontart.being.baby @britculpsapp.bsky.social @earrat.com @realbillhicks.bsky.social @nightmare-fueler.bsky.social @ersatzfusillade.bsky.social @cadencockburn.bsky.social @emmaline.spills.wine @hey-its-qalsy.bsky.social

The Walt Disney Company has announced a deal with FCC chairman Brendan Carr that restores the nation’s 1st Amendment rights in exchange for the brutal murder of every Muppet.

Outside the bar, shitposting my way out of some pussy

My brother convinced me dinotopia was real and when I found out he was lying to me I cried harder than I did when I found out the truth about Santa. 22 is such a hard age

It's ok to do a little crime as a treat

america is failing because too many young men are consuming seed oils instead of the seed of their comrades