the Eye of Judgment sees that you have brought it to the vets for an annual checkup

Boy, I tell ya. #pixelart

ZERO STONES 𝙕𝙀𝙍𝙊 𝘾𝙍𝘼𝙏𝙀𝙎

I had a load of caffeine with dinner and now I can't sleep 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥

Is it gay to take out the tooth pick before eating a club sandwich?

"The stones are... in me..." I have two questions: One, how did you get these in here, and two, how did you expect to give them to me without getting shot to death?

ZERO STONES 𝙕𝙀𝙍𝙊 𝘾𝙍𝘼𝙏𝙀𝙎

*puts u through the cellular hygiene detector*

I'd let him weigh my heart against a feather, if you know what I mean 👀

on my way to try to sell your mum a carrier bag full of discount meat

she skeksis on my garthim til i thra

Girls… 🤤

Interviewed someone for a management position today. He showed up early, came prepared, dressed impeccably, nailed every question. During the interview, I sent someone out to slash his tires. When he found out he was furious. No emotional control. Instantly rejected him.

Absolutely a sane usage of this system

she died the way she lived; crushed to death by Ikea furniture

get a ready for a library-of-alexandria-level loss of extremely niche technical knowledge

wallace & gromit in: top dog

Rapping dog PaRappa the Rapper, ‘90s PlayStation game character, in Tokyo

Call of Lbubu. Is that anything?

White House reveals why they want to seize Greenland

good morning

old way: start > run > notepad.exe new way: launch microsoft 365 copilot for sharepoint copilot for office copilot 365 hbo max 365 and simply say: "hey cortana. copilot run notepad copilot. sharepoint"

This is how enjambment can work in a poem. Bridge 77 on the Macclesfield Canal allows a horse to cross the canal without having to untie it from the canal boat.

there's no option for "no but only if situations that cause emergencies go away"

shrews have many uses in the scriptorium

Yes

Evolution: I have granted you the ability to express complex ideas and concepts so that you can pass information down to your children and collaborate with others on goals and grand projects that will outlive you. You have the power to rule the world and build utopia Me:

23andMina

What people think BDSM is like: Dom: lets try this new kink called i will shoot you with a gun. Here we go Sub: what What BDSM is actually like Sub: lets try this new kink called you will shoot me with a gun. Here we go Dom: what Sub: please

the term for replacing affiliate cookies on a website with your own is "cookie stuffing" and i'm feeling extremely normal about that 🥵

Basically, yeah, this is true. Same thing where if you pay a musician $10 on cashapp and then pirate their entire discography, you're still paying them more than Spotify would for the same amount of music.

dang bro they need to bump "suicidal ideation" up the list of side effects for these adhd meds cuz oof it's been real "the world would be better without me in it" hours recently

I have genuinely accidentally pissed on myself four times this week what the actual fuck I have been correctly potty trained for DECADES

the term for replacing affiliate cookies on a website with your own is "cookie stuffing" and i'm feeling extremely normal about that 🥵

I call this piece "Hubris"

STEAK CHURCH STEAK CHURCH STEAK CHURCH STEAK CHURCH STEAK CHURCH

The Great British Rail Sale is great cos it just shows how little of a shit we actually give about making affordable rail travel. Germany: "go anywhere in the country for €63/month, always, just get on the trains, please!" UK: "go to Tilbury in February, half price"

Please, join me in my office

I’ve posted about this before, but about five years ago I got third degree burns up my forearm (and livetweeted the experience) and now you can barely even see the scar because during pregnancy, my sons’ stem cells healed the area. And now my husband’s and kids DNA is testably part of me

Little Puppy

This thing keeps trying to take my burger

on my way to try to sell your mum a carrier bag full of discount meat

Musk Sluts, band together. We've got nothing to lose but our chains.

Gooning is when you call your partner "boss" during sex right