The Heisman trophy is made of chocolate and delectable caramel

Now I'm just a simple country lawyer but I don't think Nazis should be in the news this often

I love this turtle. I wish I had chronic kidney disease so I could take Jardiance.

Eight-Pound Man Removed From Woman's Vagina https://theonion.com/eight-pound-man-removed-from-womans-vagina-1819564489/

I have a lower back tattoo of Popeye eating spinach

So have we seen the official job numbers yet?

Sunday President diarrheas on the country, Monday President bulldozes White House, Tuesday President steals $230 million, Wednesday President... fucks a horse? Let's see if he fucks a horse.

A spoonful of chili makes the medicine go down

Waxing poetically my balls

Katy Perry Releases New Single About Superiority Of Canadian Manufacturing

No Kings includes DraftKings

Biggest poop for an Ultra?

Sorry France, I thought the art was free with paid admission

Yep

BAH! Enough talk! My <Beam Blast> shall make short work of you!

Imagine being a little frog, chilling on a lily pad, wondering why humans use them as a political defiance symbol.

Police just detained two protesters. One dressed as the Statue of the Liberty.

Bengals up 7 at halftime. Eat shit Rodgers.

Shutting down a government so one dude can continue to get away with having molested kids.

Two Trains is my yacht name

I guess Kyle Pitts will never live up to the hype

how about timestamps printed on phone photos?

I like bathrooms with baby changing stations in the stall because I like to put my feet up

Hey, what was happening in Germany in the 1930s? I forget.

Did you know that rapper Shaquille O’Neal also played basketball?

Welp, I guess Charlie Kirk’s life didn’t matter

Make a movie better by adding John Carpenter's to the title: John Carpenter’s Home Alone 2: Lost In New York

Pjork

This isn’t the year to award a Nobel Peace Prize

Is there a Mr. Bumble flower?

God can’t he fucking die already and have his family follow suit?

I’m a foxy grandson

Hearts-Hibs about to start!

Funny that the only time I’ve heard Rush mentioned this year was as an inspiration for Charlie Kirk.

What the fuck do you mean I got a longer prison sentence than Diddy

I am just so fucking proud of her.

Yes, the Project 2025 agenda that was wildly unpopular in every opinion poll during the campaign is 100% the policy blueprint of the Trump admin, which was obvious then to people who paid attention and obvious now to everyone else.

Was Carrie Anne Inaba ok last night? She could barely put 2 sentences together. Must be from the illness she had at the beginning of the show. Nothing but good health for her.

America is named after Amerigo Vespucci. Which is why we’re called The United States Of Vespucci.

WATCH: Ted Cruz says “How about we all come together and stop attacking pedophiles”

Don't let anybody hit you with some form of "I can't believe y'all are so easily distracted. The halftime performer doesn't mean anything." Putting a global artist who won't even tour in the US bc it's not safe for his community & core fans on the biggest televised US stage matters.

I watch Sunday Night Football for the commercials

How can Dems win on kitchen table issues when nobody can afford food on the table?

In actuality, a new abortion clinic opened in Milwaukee a few months ago. It's a nonprofit, and one of its goals was funding abortions to whatever amount a person needed. wisconsinindependent.com/reproductive...