so we have dms now and still no unsolicited dicks in my inbox grrr

if this doesn’t get 100 likes I’m leaving this godforsaken shithole for atleast 2 hours

I’m feeling pretty good today. I may let my wife have an orgasm

If a canadian runs out of maple syrup in a dream they die in real life.

destroy my balls, not my ambition

Her eyes were Gatorade blue.

I think maybe I could fit comfortably in a potato bin

girls are like “omg he’s a stalker” and then “uhhgh nobody pays attention to me”

Bro hurt me so bad I started posting

if i slam more than 3 white claws an hour i instantly start my period

Doing a bunch of CAPTCHA tests just to feel human.

Lots of bitches refer to me as a beacon of positivity and love

I just know future me is going to have her shit together.

training so i can eventually smuggle a Pringles can in my cooch

There's that special time of night when you're like dude I'm gonna have a hot dog

But like for real though do your dicks touch when you hug? Asking for a friend or whatever

I missed when I hit 666 followers, so I guess not today either, Satan.

We're all idiots. Some are really good at it, but most of us are like, entry level idiots.

bsky is great bc it seems to be one of the only places women can be funny w/o guys wanting to chop their dicks off

one time i peed so hard, the tip of my dick split open like a microwaved hotdog

my penis is so huge that it doesn’t even look real

in most Deep South states it’s the grandma’s responsibility to teach young men how to sext

Me, sexting: Well, that seems implausible.

I’m waiting til the bees are done with the dandelions and violets & all the other early wildflowers before I have my lawn cut.

A group of women that cannot be found is called a clitori.

I adjust my shoe size according to how long my toenails are

check out my new friend. he was watching me so i caught him a fish

not that y’all care but i got a job

you have an 8” dick? cool, i have 12” balls

will you please tell your vagina that my penis said eww

my 5yo got sent to the office for saying “oops some asshole is talking shit behind my back” after she farted in class

Thank you everyone who appreciates my lack of effort.

your grandma the 1st time grampa sent her a hard dick dm

I haven’t had any death threats on this site yet; I must be losing my touch

I just saw a really fat guy with a neck beard try to order a 12pk of burritos at Taco Bell…it was me

"butt stuff" is short for "butter stuff"

excellent credit is stored in the balls

real men don’t cry when her fist slips into the wrong hole