Still at Coles. Bearded man in baseball cap points to Heated Rivalry and tells young daughter: "That's the one that all the moms are reading."

Back at Coles in the Beach today, with the fancy display. Been here less than twenty minutes, and already sold one! Last time, I outsold Michael Ondaatje. This time, let's see if I can outsell Lena Dunham.

Make a band more commercial by changing one letter. This is probably cheating, but... $2 (from U2) US$40 (from UB40)

I think I'll commemorate Ted Turner by watching a poorly colourized print of Casablanca. (too soon?)

Hey, #Toronto book lovers: This Saturday, I'm going to be tabling again at Coles (2169 Queen Street East), to promote my novel Performance Reviews! Drop by anytime after 10:30 a.m. As you can see, it's already on their shelf. #canlit #booksworthreading #books #satire #novels #humour #humor #book

TIL (well, last night) that The Flintstones had a completely different opening sequence for its first two seasons. The "Meet the Flintstones" theme tune we all know? That didn't exist until season three. www.youtube.com/watch?v=qan5...

That Bud Light commercial about the guy who went to Turkey... I don't get it. What's the joke? Why is it a "bad call" to ask him about the trip? Is it because of his haircut? Because of Turkey? Because he looks intimidating? Why?

Ditto.

Happy Star Wars Day. But more importantly, it's also Cinco de Cuatro! www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3Y6...

I wonder when YouTube will start showing reaction videos in which people react to reaction videos.

Anybody here going to be in Worcester next month?

Every splashy New York Times profile of a right wing influencer.

Slightly diminish a book… Nice Expectations The Adequate Gatsby The Cider House Recommendations Ticklehouse-Five The Grapes of Irritation

Name your top 15 TV shows ever, gut instincts only: The Simpsons (seasons 2-5) All in the Family Cheers Father Ted Fawlty Towers Blackadder (series 2-4) Mad Men (seasons 1-5) Breaking Bad The Office (UK) Monty Python SCTV Kids in the Hall The Honeymooners M*A*S*H Sesame Street (pre-Elmo)

The face of someone who’s devoted their life to service, science and space exploration needing to listen to some draft-dodging, out-of-shape bozo brag that he easily could’ve been an astronaut.

I read this as "Tiny ExplQrers."

To mark the occasion of a (reportedly) really shitty new animated movie of #AnimalFarm, here's my review of Soulpepper's stage adaptation from eight years ago. This Ravi Jain-directed mount was funny, but (like the new movie) missed the point of the book by miles. web.archive.org/web/20190822...

Tonight! Don't be afraid of the rain. Just think of how nice and dry it'll be inside the Only Cafe.

Look! There's a little poster now. (Thanks to Rick Spisak for putting this together and posting it on Facebook)

Nominee for best headline of the year.

Film you've watched more than six times with a gif. Hard mode: no Star Trek, Star Wars, LOTR, DC, Marvel, Disney, Pixar, Spielberg, Cameron, Wachowskis, or Ghibli.

A review of the new Michael Jackson biopic reads: "It's bad. It's bad. It's really really bad." Ironically, that's what I remember everyone saying about the song "Bad" in 1987.

THE DEATH OF STALIN (2017) dir. Armando Iannucci

Whenever Earth Day arrives, I always wonder what planet we're meant to be honouring the rest of the year

Oh, of course, DUH. Snacks on a Plane

Art always meets the moment.

Add food to a movie: Mr. Smith Goes to Wasabi The Magnificent Aspirins Meat Streets Close Escargots of the Third Kind Rear Walnuts Seven Salami Broccoli Thieves Pretzels: Based on the Novel "Snacks" by Sapphire La Strudel Das Beets (The Beets)

Really, Guardian? Some weird rankings here. Why is Julius Caesar so low? How can Titus Andronicus rank above Othello and The Tempest? www.theguardian.com/stage/ng-int...

One week! I order you to get excited.

Alberta announces move to 1950s time

VERY COOL PERSON: It's four-twenty, you know what that means? ME: Hell yeah! [starts shoving blackbirds into a pie]

One of the preview screenings of the original cut of The Magnificent Ambersons in 1942. Before the RKO butchers got their hands on it.

I visited the Little Canada attraction for the first time yesterday. Love that they actually have a miniature recreation of Little Canada in the Little Toronto section. I like to imagine that there's an even smaller Little Canada inside that one, and so on forever, like Russian nesting dolls.

Vonnegut: 1965

They told me I was getting a trip to Chicago for only eighty-nine bucks, but it turned out to be the damn musical, not the city. I saw the NYC production about fifteen years ago, figured I was due again. Spoiler alert: Roxy dies in prison.

TIL that Robert Palmer was singing "You like to think you're immune to the stuff" in "Addicted to Love". Not "You'd like to think you're a new type o' stuff." In my defence, I haven't voluntarily listened to that song in like forty years.

Toronto! This is happening in two weeks. It's an open mic too, so bring any poetry, music, or comedy you'd like to share. More info on the Echo Collective: www.instagram.com/echo_____ech... #toronto #torontopoetry #canlit #openmic #spokenword #poetry #readings #performance #danforth #literature

Wandering Eaton Centre. Peeked into JD and noticed they have shoes for MENS and WOMENS. Not men's or women's shoes. Shoeses for MENS and WOMENS. They charge like $150 a pair, yet still can't afford a basic education...

New gig date! June 4: Fire & Dust, Coventry. (I previously said I was just going to do the open mic there, but the feature cancelled, so I'm in.)

Shut up and take my mon-- (Oh. I'm a subscriber, so they already are)

‘I'm pleased and happy to repeat the news that we have, in fact, decided not to destroy an entire civilisation. But, as you see, it's a beautiful day, The Strait of Hormuz is open and people are having a wonderful time.’

The President of the United States is threatening to commit war crimes and wipe out a "whole civilization" — all because he started a disastrous war of his own making and had no plan and no strategy for how to end it. This is abhorrent, and the American people do not support this.

do we honestly have no way of ending a presidency for posting “a whole civilization will die tonight”

Armageddon is terrible, but our only other option was diversity trainings at work.

There are 90 million people in Iran. Delivering on a fraction of thia unhinged, insane threat would be the greatest war crime of all time. And every member of his cabinet who assists will be held to account.

Those four astronauts are now the furthest from Donald Trump than anyone has ever been. I envy them.

Five books to get to know me by: Great Expectations, Charles Dickens Mother Night, Kurt Vonnegut A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court, Mark Twain A Clockwork Orange, Anthony Burgess Of Mice and Men, John Steinbeck

Obligatory

This is an actual post. This is not funny. This is beyond desperate. This is a deeply unwell man who doesn’t belong anywhere near the levers of power. Every member of his cabinet and Congress is complicit in not demanding his removal now.

He's coming...