I think what is pretty clear to me is that much of this was damage control to manipulate markets into dropping gas prices for memorial day weekend and now there is no more reason for the facade.

I sold the domain Toilet dot com for $137 million in 1998 and I’m going to kill you one way or the other if it’s the last thing I do.

I've been reading a lot of 80's paperback horror, specifically those huge 500+ page epics where you meet an entire town full of characters right before they're devoured / mutated / go mad, etc., so I felt inspired to paint a paperback novel cover for one that doesn't exist!

What the US is doing to Cuba is more than a humanitarian crisis. It is a genocide as defined by the United Nations. www.un.org/en/genocide-...

I moved to Washington to become a therapist only to find out that I sucked and got booted from grad school. In the process, I met some high quality people and developed a love for advocating for people with disabilities. It's been a fun and weird journey.

FUCK ICE NOW AND FOREVER

If we date, you have to be fluent in sarcasm, share my love for bacon, and help me repair my time machine so I can get back to 2013.

If I had the best kitted out Land Cruiser with a safari snorkel etc I still would not drive directly into a lake because that's not what you do with a car.

When you get to heaven, they bring up a tally of all the times you respected women. If it's less than 100, they just send you straight to hell. It's not too late to become a righteous woman respecter.

how to play baseball

My opinion of the places I've visited/passed through on this trip: Northern Nevada: Wasteland. Where are the people?? Northern Utah: The salt flats are rad. Wyoming: Unnecessary. Sell to pay off national debt. South Dakota: Please merge with North Dakota for purposes of effiency.

I've been driving through Nevada and Utah for the past couple days, and this Welcome to Nightvale quote has been on my mind: "The desert seems vast, even endless. And yet, scientists tell us that somewhere, even now, there is snow." (Episode 2)

it opened with superman doing 9/11 and closed with him in a coffin and the whole middle was jesse eisenberg giggling and eating jolly ranchers

Oh! Yeah, Giuliani is an evil sack of shit, and has been for decades. Also, if he does die, I'll call him a sack of shit then, too. 😊

so sick of seeing this man’s face he looks unnatural and nascent. he looks like an ocean goo and like he’s allergic to his own eyeballs. he looks like he smells like stale water.

Remember that one time about a week ago when someone tried to kill the president again. Did everyone just move on from that again? I feel like everyone kind of moved on from that one. Anyway, Ted Cruz belongs in prison.

HAPPENING NOW: Tim Heidecker delivers an update on the future of InfoWars and takes calls from viewers including President Donald J. Trump.

This may seem harsh to some readers but I believe the Supreme Court Justices should be sent to a sort of Hellraiser type of dimension

Happy May Day. They can’t kill us all.

I don't want to brag, but no one has ever tried to assassinate me.

there is going to be years of your life in the future where you dont hear or read a post of someone doing a donald trump impression. you are never going to see a political cartoon where he is a squat little orange guy with the long red tie again. green grass and blue sky stretching on forever

Gizmodo (04-11-2078): Scientists Think They Finally Have an Answer for Why We Poop

ESPN (10-01-2047): NBA Commissioner Announces Every Player Will Be Allowed to Use Guns During Games

Gothamist (02-14-2033): NYPD Hire Nation's First Child Police Officer.

Daily Beast (06-13-2032): Marco Rubio Humiliated as Large Insect Alien Invader Eats Him

Mother Jones (10-26-2028): The Pope Just Excommunicated J.D. Vance

Buzzfeed (09-11-2030): Kim Kardashian Announced That Her Family Had Purchased a Nuclear Weapon and the Internet's Response is Sending Us

Wired (03-22-2029): Apple Unveils Facial Recognition Technology That Can Identify Potential Werewolves

The New Republic (08-07-2076): Meet the Hedge Fund That Wants to Reanimate the Dead to Solve America's Labor Crisis

I need to make this joke about @osullyville.bsky.social and Alana's Outfit exchanges Dan: So what happens next is a translator takes a look at the book and discovers it's called To Serve Man. Alana: Wouldn't it be funny if they literally meant it? Dan: Well, you see, here's the thing...

Los Angeles Times (05-16-2084): Can Mayor Chris Pratt III Save Los Angeles from the Feral Pig Armies?

American Journal of Pediatric (04-01-2029): Can Children with Autism Hear Angels: A Longitudinal Study of 300 Teenagers in Miami

Time Magazine (01-15-2034): The Supreme Court Doesn't Need Reform-It Needs Juice Boxes

Heritage Foundation (12-21-2041): The Heritage Foundation Welcomes Barron Trump and his Invasion Force from the Zenith Dimension

The Atlantic (02/10/2042): The Shadowy Organization Behind Werner Herzog's Bid to Buy the Moon

Washington Post (08-25-2036): J.D. Vance Denies Rumors He Sold His Soul to Chaos Demons, Suggests Democrats Stop Looking Into His Travel Records

The Rats in My Basement Want to Unionize for Better Pay. That Isn't Always a Guarantee

if you're in line to vote, you are over a month late and also this is a Five Guys

my reaction to the superman trailer is that james gunn seems very good at what he does but there is simply nothing anyone can do to make me interested in viewing a superhero movie at this point in history. please check back in 10-15 years thank you

trump voters have the energy of a loser stepdad demanding you respect him. you won bitch now shut up!

I don’t know why Kamala Harris conceded when she should have led her followers to take refuge in the difficult, treacherous swamps of the Florida Everglades to launch a protracted guerrilla campaign

But think of how many women's marches we'll get if Trump wins!!!

My opinion is that Chappell Roan is right and also that not enough places sell taco pizza.

Journalists used to report on stories for weeks. There was follow up and research. Now every story disappears two or three days after it breaks. Remember that time someone tried to assassinate the president? Remember the impending outbreak of bird flu? All of it just vanishes.

Vaccines are a fucking miracle and being against the greatest invention in human history is grotesque