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LOL @thebarehandyman.bsky.social ILYSM thank you for the dopamine

need more gay. increase the gay.

If we’re being real, the last meaningful technological advancement was the electric tea kettle. We should have stopped then.

minus the haunting and terror and death and whatnot, living through the book The Shining sounds pretty swag. I would LOVE to get snowed in for a long period of time without having to worry about food or heat or water.

kill grass, touch yourself

throw those nipples in a circle

Waste of time, looks shit

woke up and immediately said to my gf: "well guess what happened to me at the muffin buffet? I almost pooped my pants"

impression of my grandfather: "OY OY OY OY OY OY OY OY OY OY OY WOTS ALL THIS THEN"

Nice try but I'm not leaving

after I like your titty pics I smash myself over the head with a cartoon mallet

feeling the urge... to post titty... resisting,,,

mfw I'm about to eat six or seven radishes

might fuck around and eat six or seven radishes

time for a rewatch

these days I put most of my energy into telepathically sending pictures of rogue from the xmen to people I pass on the street

breasts like baguettes

hitting the poog so hard i exceed escape velocity and die in the vacuum of space

tits like blooming onions

why are some men named john, knock it off already

considering inventing a new illness. gonna call it schlorp then I can say things like "can't come over I have schlorp"

sorry I can't hang out all of my energy is being spent resisting the spells of an enemy sorcerer

I'm sorry I didn't see your posts I was busy rereading all my posts and laughing at how stupid I am

watchimg bro help an old lady cross the street w erotic precision

is this docking

everyone come over we're watching Spirited Away on my couch with my dog

writhing around on the ground so I can imagine what it's like to be a snake

👉👈

insane things happening in my digestive tract today

If someone hit me with their car while I was walking through the grocery store parking lot I would use that opportunity to take a nap

It’s neat that, due to the particulars of English slang, a man can be both ‘cut’ and ‘uncut’ at the same time

Lying down Saturday or whatever the Saturday thing is

You should go through and like all of my skeets. I won’t think it’s weird it’ll make me feel good actually

when someone kills a spider in front of me after I said I'd take it outside

Me rn. Doesnt feel like a funday sunday yet

good morning everyone don't say it back

need someone to tuck me in and read me an article about early 1900s dental health in the Amish community

pussy that tastes like a burning couch at a midwest kegger on the back forty

we’re healing the world one perfect middle aged tit at a time

Being the change I wish to see in the world.

MORE TITS ON BLUESKY

Being sentient is a curse

hey girl wanna come over and cry in the tub together

listening to books instead of music today libro.fm/audiobooks/9...

why does this dog toy kind of look like one of my vibrators

Mariah Carey ate my baby

*power ranger voice* IT'S PENIS SMASHIN TIME

my baby is crawling on the ceiling bellowing ancient curses at us, starting to wish I'd had him vaccinated