Happy 76th Birthday, Tom Waits!

My boy did it!

My wife's response to seeing the abbreviation Fg Att: "I don't think you are allowed to say that on television."

With a lot of people already hungry, and many more about to lose SNAP benefits, here's a timely piece from @baltimoremagazine.com on Baltimore's growing network of community fridges, including the one we host inside our store: www.baltimoremagazine.com/section/comm...

Good morning to people willing to play the long game to make a stupid joke.

I'm fairly certain someone tried to steal my car while I was on vacation, but ultimately couldn't because they didn't know how to drive stick.

Being on crutches is so much more of a core exercise than you might expect.

If a woman told me she had a bejeweled Lububu and then showed me a stuffed animal, I would be irritated.

a big boat stuck could fix us

“The pope will be from Chicago” sounds like an 1880s Republican’s dire prediction for if we don’t stop Irish immigration

No one ever wants to hear the term "cleaved in twain" when hearing a doctor refer to a part of your knee..

I know my skyline is primarily NOT football people, but I need my non football loving friends to know how happy I am tonight. #Seahawks took thr best guard in the draft. And Shedaur Sanders still has not been picked 🤣

Anyone else ever suspect that their dog may secretly be the president?

Graphic design is my passion.

Anyone else ever pet their animals in a way that makes you audibly ask them, "Why do you like this?!"

No shade at all to Kaitlyn Denver, but im pretty disappointed in the casting of Abby unless Kaitlyn is prepared to do a shitload of push-ups.

Every day I wake up to the news

Thanks, Toronto! Top three harbor cities with a tower at the center of its skyline that I've been to.

Happy transgender day of visibility, I saw my reflection, and that means 6 more weeks of gender.

I’m having way too much fun making these (or I’ve painted way too many blood drips and need a break) 👻 littleedenpottery.etsy.com/listing/1880... #pottery #art #ceramics #bsnm #spooky #goth

Was Cold Harbor the friends we made along the way?

The reason Civ 7 sucks is because they didn't have Luigi around to fix it

Today, my company had to layoff 7 people. Although. I am not affected, this is the first time in the 25 year history of my company that they've ever had lay anyone off, and I'm just really sad...

c-ptsd (complex pussy that’s so delicious)

Proud to be a Marylander with this woman as our Senator!

Weightlifters of the world rejoice! They've made a coffee mug just for us!

Seeing where all these measles outbreaks are happening, it's clear that rich white people are willing to kill their own children to "own the libs".

It's the first week of the year when I can comfortably keep the door from my office to the back porch open.

When you realize 25 years later how progressive the Animaniacs show was, because they include both Hong Kong and Palestine in the Nations of the World song.

They’re only 1% of the population and in the interest of fairness and safety, I think we can all agree that all men over 6’4 should be banned from the NBA

Seeing the headlines about them banning photos and mentions of the Enloa Gay, and my only thought is that we are chained the corpse of satire and it's slowly sinking to the bottom of the ocean.

*silence in our home for more than 10 minutes* ....Remember that time that guy on Alone shit his sleeping bag?

Being an American is like being forced to play monopoly every single minute of your life until they nail the coffin shut

damn, good thing everybody's going to remember we're not playing it because of Richard Ayoade's support of Glinner and the blurb he provided for his transphobic cope book

WYOMING: “Thank you, Madam chairman.” “I prefer ‘Mister’ chairman.” “Well you all voted preferred pronouns cannot be compelled speech.”

Things we have named the iterations of our sourdough starter: Doughlivia Rodrigo Doughja Cat Sexy Breadd

Papa John's: 316

You: They did the math. Me: ᵀʰᵉʸ ᵈⁱᵈ ᵗʰᵉ ᵐᵒⁿˢᵗᵉʳ ᵐᵃᵗʰ You: What was that? Me: Nothing. Me three hours later in a whisper: ᴵᵗ ʷᵃˢ ᵃ ᵍʳᵃᵛᵉʸᵃʳᵈ ᵍʳᵃᵖʰ

I've learned that Canada Tire does not, in fact, sell tires (or maybe they do?). I have always thought they were like the Canadian equivalent of Auto Zone.

You *could* be watching the Minnesota Frost and the Toronto Sceptres! www.youtube.com/live/x8w6-iJ...

Will someone pretend to think Elon Musk is funny so he'll stop destroying the government?

This is the dumbest timeline, and I fucking hate it. H.R.1161 - To authorize the President to enter into negotiations to acquire Greenland and to rename Greenland as "Red, White, and Blueland" www.congress.gov/bill/119th-c...

Crack the Liberty bell it’s time to chuck some batteries at fascists

Why does Xavier Worthy's little illustration make him look like a stud?

Unfortunately, the defunding of USAID means that the U.S. cannot help that Canadian Aubrey.

If you’re in line to sack Patrick Mahomes, STAY IN LINE