*crackly 1010 wins voice* ...and alternate side parking is suspended for rosh hashana and the rapture. Now, here's Ted with the one-day forecast...

*letterman voice*

I copied her whole fuckin flow Word for word Bar for bar

🚨🚨the current Bot is rapture-ready🚨🚨

Hangin' on the Eschaton

Roth IRA: A retirement account that allows contributions of after-tax dollars, with the potential for tax-free growth and withdrawals in retirement. David Lee Roth IRA: Bozee count contribyoozy after-zabbadow here to party! growth withdrawal zow.

“What’s Going On” by 4 Non Blondes was a a MUCH bigger herald of the complete collapse of 90s rock alternaculture and the great blandening to come than Nickelback or really any other hit of the post Nevermind era was.

Oh no, they raptured the Current Bot first.

A difficult conversation - every family goes about it in their own way

I appreciate that some venues, like the Stork Club in Oakland, are getting ahead of this trend by requiring all fliers be human made. "We don't care if it's a screenshot of the Notes app with the show info or a picture of a hand with band names written in […] [Original post on mastodon.social]

"Ties? We got 'em!" #thrillingdraw

*nervously stands in line wearing a trenchcoat filled with gum*

Not related to the story, but the NYP's first Mamdani scandal hed better be CHE TO PLAY

The Wimbledon of Pickleball

Heard the jerk store was just bought by private equity. Guess I better purchase more of you before they declare bankruptcy in 6 months

Top 5 David Dinkins hip-hop shoutout

We needed this rain (tm)

Thom Yorke with your seven-day accudoppler forecast

Marijuana may cause you no alarm Until you wake up and find that you are harmed Keep ya head, keep ya head *breakdances*

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim at Arvada

Hell yes tubi dot com

*nervously* No, I didn't forget. [sneaks out window, races to 24-hour florist]

[HP headquarters] They did *what* with a chili dog?

My god it's full of stars

Whither Zeptember?

Ain't no party like a Donner Party

Soft Power Sud-Coréen is the name of my yacht rock tribute act

Sunday is Earth, Wind, & Fire day for those who celebrate.

Incredible @staceywescott.bsky.social photo

I KNOW I STILL KNOW I KNOW III: THE KNOWENING HUH? I KNOW: ORIGINS

What's your opinion? Keep it to yourself, pinko.

SLENDER CIRRHOSIS ISLAND #tabloidheds

Not the pt but at some point I hope a bright young reporter tallies up all the money that will be spent on things like: paying out lawsuits from citizens like this and …. DOGE-ing govt workers and then rehiring them

It's a Lovely Sunrise for a Guinness. This morning's pre-Chicagohenge moment in Chicago's River North.

Wandered through Prague Main Station on the way to dinner and stumbled on an amazing Lego recreation of the station. 342,383 pieces, 2,705 kg, 2,137 hours to build.

It was old ...

*onion headline* Fallon Vows to Phone It In Until Kimmel Returns

Can't believe we're policing talk show hosts' opinions in the year of our lord 2025

They'll know we're rollin with Baghdad Bob youtu.be/gRUJK8wv6-M?...

Chance the Skiffler

I was today years old when I learned this wasn't Zak Galifianakis

*seductively swirls drink* So, is there a Mrs. T?

‘Monster: The Ed Gein Story’ premieres 10/3 on Netflix

At least I'm not seeing the Jeremiah Johnson GIF too much?

Debating if you take away from The Sting because Paul Newman and Robert Shaw are in it, basically a 90s Bulls team in terms of casting