me when I see a dead body:

more like Death Cab for Stinky. ugh

went to see a movie and these were advertised above the urinals

speak softly and carry a fat blunt thats right up top

I Am A Virgin In Minecraft. Don't Lump Me In With You People.

they call me ice cold carl on account of the temperature of my nipples

Can you beat my score? play.google.com/store/apps/d...

count the beats in Once Upon A Dream. it's a waltz. so whatever, maybe the fairies sang it to her, no big deal. but then she dances with the woodland creatures and the owl in a funny hat and she knows how to waltz. so what the fuck. where the fuck did she learn that

busting unprotected at the slots and ruining my son's graduation party "Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars." - Norman Vincent Peale

i can only hope that if I was a Bimbofied Husband i too would have a wife who loves & supports me & sucks on my comically enormous fake tits

I can break this game in ways you'll never understand

I do not want it with some yarn. I do not want it on a farm. I do not want to sort or match. I do not want to win some cash. I do not want to buy your game. I do not want it, Sam-I-Æme

Well, Jesse got stung by like 15 bees after finishing off all the bacon grease again. So no, I guess it wasn't a very "Good" Friday.

ウランガラス。ウランガラスとは極微量のウランを加えたガラスのことであり、このようにウランを加えることでガラスは緑色の蛍光色を発するようになります。ウランガラスは1830年頃に発見され欧米諸国でさかんに生産されましたが、現在ではほとんど生産されることはありません。なおウランガラスによる人体への影響は軽微で無視できるレヴェルだと言われています。 #アート

the bible said adam and eve. steve isn't mentioned until acts 6:5 and by then adam and eve are both dead. and THAT'S a continuity error

things woud go fucking crazy if me and an open minded woman got up to some bisexual Shit

Paul Atreides would excel at Yarn Fever! Yarn Pull Game. because of his Bene Gesserit upbringing

Release my new game, Puppy Playtime. 9 billion downloads on Steam. and that's how we find out aliens exist

hey valentine, it's a shame I'm not poly, because you've got me feeling amorous. and I'm married

Uppies and Outies: A Puppygirl Success Story

Dude... you are really Peeing me O right now. Send to all your friends who are realy Peeing you O right now

PROSPERO: the hour's now come. the very minute bids thee ope thine ear MIDWESTERNERS: what about it

oh fine, a little more mr. nice guy. as a treat

hang on guys I'm shifting into Homosexual Mode real quick. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYeah sorry I have to yell when I do it or it doesnAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ok. You were saying, lads?

Woman walking alone outside got pissed when I ordered an uber for her and her dog. Didn't even thank me. It's -19 out. Male Loneliness Epidemic

You better guess that if I sense any threat I'll call nine eleven on your scary ass, no capitulation

Putin has often commented on my 52 beautiful posts while standing in parliament, as naked and lubricated as a newborn giraffe

you wont believe your eyes—The Masturbating Roach . People come from far and wide to see him "Do his thing" . Sponsored by Topgolf

As screenwriter of the Labubu movie I want to clear up some misconceptions. Yes, technically they do eat human flesh, but only necrotic tissue around wounds. Doctors use them to clean up injuries and promote positive health outcomes. Labubus are humanity’s allies, except for evil Labubus of course

There will be a full chapter on Gender Identity in my upcoming book, "The Art of War 2"

Asking to use your bathroom and firing off a dozen posts like "Straight passing people love hiding their lotion" while I'm in there for 45 minutes

We finally finished the machine that makes Sherlock Holmes a real guy last night, but a little past 1 am Sherlock got access to a fidget spinner and, pupils dilated and reflective like an alligator's, he ran away forevermore

Tanning Chatum

The word 'cigarette' implies the existence of a much larger 'cigar'

Humans were put on this earth to play Rubiks Cube and Fart and if you don't know how to do the first one i have bad news for you

Yet another of my accursed paintings has become reality #OddlySatisfying

a grinch is the offspring of a who and a sneetch. and like a mule, is genetically sterile

Dog sized lump on my dog

If I ever run into that Frankenstein’s Monster bozo, I’d say, “Fire bad? For who? Fire keep wolf at bay. Fire warm bones at night.” It’s amateur hour with this guy.

@grok You have to help me. merry Christmas

Jerry: Hey Elaine, I heard you had your big trash compactor licensing exam today. How did it go? Elaine: It went great, I totally crushed it. [LAUGH TRACK] Can anyone hear me? im lost in a maze

The two lads who make all the Bakewell tarts have announced that they'll be announcing a new one in 2026 Q2: the Marmite bakewell... Derbyshire more like Fuckshire

(barely audible from inside the cube) hey!! I'm inside the cube!!

You got to be careful.... Im going to let my demon headmate out ..... You can't handle his posts...

uhh , ok itiot, Watch this 😏 *my nose begins bleeding* thats it thats my trick

you know what they say about men with big dicks #bigdicks #men #say #saying

why cand i see this shit @grok can You help me

emerging from the mists to slap your phone out of your hand