I'm simply no longer interested in trying to have a conversation with people who are anti-transhet for any reason.

I've found the most important part of therapy is the human relationship with the therapist. It's by design confined in a very specific way, but having a warm and trust-based connection is so valuable to me that every other good thing BUT that can be there and the therapy won't work.

I'm so tired lol

even with a full dose of a benzo I am having a hard time breathing because of anxiety

I'm going to really work on not sui posting on here unless I am asking for help directly about having ideation, etc, because I understand this can be really triggering for others to see. I'm so sorry about that.

I get a lot of sensations and impressions of there being rot, like existential or literal rot, in my body, mind, or reality itself, and this is scary because I've read this can be a precursor to hallucinations and even schizophrenia and I'm really scared of developing into schizophrenia

I need to talk about this with my clinicians but I wanted to help others understand: I'm pretty sure now that my head's a little clearer that when I talk like this, I am psychotically rambling or starting to border on a delusion. If you see stuff like this, that's probably what's happening.

Reactivating because I will need to crowdfund. Not doing well though

I’m going to deactivate for a little while. I’m having impulse control problems with social media and it’s clearly not helping very much. I apologize for worrying others.

Something I try to remind myself that can help is that I am very sensitive and it’s normal to feel overwhelmed by my emotions, and that it will eventually not be so overwhelming

I do not relate to or particularly enjoy the vast majority of media about being in love with a girl but —with yuri it’s at least relatable because it’s gay —with transhet I’m interested in the guy’s perspective as part of the couple dynamic and also because I’m interested in the guy himself

I’m not a woman or a man I’m just some kind of thing

I am trying to hold onto coherence where I can or else I’m just going to be chewing on the feeling of rot in my body and underneath my senses and the yawning sense of dissolution into a staggering white dream where I never existed and I’m afraid it’s true and i can’t get away from it

Few things in a piece of media in the past several years have made me happier than Hunter Noceda getting to have his own warm loving family

Pork floss is really good

This is a part of a larger hypothesis of mine called psychological feminization. “Identify as a woman” “feel like a woman inside” etc. are all ways of expressing psychological feminization

Please share and help if you can!

Time to address the horse in the room The answer to “why are so many trans women sapphic” is that a major developmental driver of MTF transsexualism is psychological lesbianism This is a cool thing

I want to die

I will remind folks those images of Nazi book burnings aren't burning just any books. They're burning the library of Magnus Hirschfeld; a gay, Jewish doctor who created an institute dedicated to LGBTQ sex education and healthcare. And a man who pioneered gender affirming care surgeries.

Its getting close to the anniversary of my dad’s death. I really miss him.

I am so deeply uncomfortable and creeped out with the very concept of anyone calling themselves “boy moms”

if people can help Kait *please* help her. many have helped both of us for the past year to keep us housed. please help Kait if you can continue. I'm moving as well, to somewhere accessible where I can have support. this apartment is inaccessible and I can't stay. I have help though, so help Kait

evangelicals don't want to "ban sex," they want to rule by rape. (which entails total control over sex and over the bodies of subordinate gender classes & children thry patriarchal sexual authority.) critical difference

Some old art until I make new art🔥 {The Burnout} #art #Illustration #digitalart

Idk what to do lol

I am begging men to do this. Begging.

I think something is wrong with me at an existential level. Like the way I’m arranged in reality is broken somehow. I can feel it down the middle. It’s like a pixelated character without enough definition and I keep melting and something doesn’t work right

Sinners was really good

Feeling suicidal again

Sama’a was hoping to reach $2k today (the goal she set for Julia’s birthday 💕). We are only $6 away now :) I’d love for her to wake up in a few hours and see that we did it. Send a few bucks to take it over the line 🙏 tinyurl.com/support4samaa

I have an extremely vivid memory of having one of those "worst case survival handbooks" that were really popular in the aughts that was aimed entirely at men, and they gave equal weight to being attacked to a bear and not being able to clock a trans woman at a bar and going home with her.

I've talked about it before how there's some people I've had better luck describing myself as trans with "I went past gay a while ago" than anything accurate and like, you don't get to do it that effortlessly without those two being SERIOUSLY interlinked

a chilling warning to america from 2004 !

GIRLFAGS AND TRANS FAGS AND FAG HAGS ARE ALL PART OF THE SAME FAMILY, FUCK YOU IF YOU DISAGREE

cis fags have always loved trans fags. maybe imperfectly, maybe not in the ways we deserve to be loved, but they have always loved us.

Well we are all emergent from that śūnyatā

I see transphobia and homophobia not at as two fully separate oppression systems but as processes that blur together, much like they each do with misogyny.

"Transphobia can't be a remedy for homophobia" 💯

Oppression exists in layers. Transsexuals challenge the definition of sex and this gets framed as gay conversion by many people who are sympathetic to gays but not transsexuals. Ironically the same forces that cause one also cause the other. Transphobia can’t be a remedy for homophobia.

The miracles I have worked have mostly been miracles of healing but I want to get much better at doing them

I take comforting in knowing she is peerless in all existence and pre-existence and this is inexorable. She herself is inexorable and the supreme heroine of being and her gift lies with all of us in some form or another.

Something else about this is that I have seen the invincible goddess who transcends all religion and there’s a part of her that is me and I am her. This much is definitely real. I spent years afraid of her but also thankful for her as we all should be.

It has its problems but IMO Wandering Son is a really good manga

Well ESP and magic are definitely real and government institutes probably mostly know that from trying to use psychics for war lol. But I very much feel that Buddhists are right about how wobbly, fluid, magical and soft reality is as its core

There is something really troubling underneath the surface of reality and if you pay very close attention you can feel it. I just don’t know if it’s troubling to me because of something about it or something about me. Maybe it’s just about my fear.

So far The Summer Hikaru Died has been really good

Daddies

Daddies

My recommendation to anyone seeking therapy who thinks they have (C)PTSD is to look for a practitioner who is really dedicated to trauma-focused therapy. It’s making such a difference for me now even as someone who’s been in therapy for years. I’ve never felt this much hope from treatment before