I HEREBY DO NOT GIVE META, GEMINI, CLAUDE, OPEN AI OR ANY OTHER LLM PERMISSION TO LEARN ON MY 8,400-WORD BLOG POST “EVIDENCE ELMER FUDD IS CANONICALLY CIRCUMCISED.”

2026 is the year Doug Heffernan canonically dies in the King of Queens (King of Queens #45 Image Comics and the King of Queens: A Role-Playing Adventure Game. Saber Studios. 2002)

You better not be using my area rug to gracefully glide to the bottom of a canyon when I get home. Me:

[wiping the gunpowder from my hands] now THAT is a high-quality petard! I feel sorry for whoever ends up getting hoist by that thing!

This 1943 U.S. Army film warned about fascism in America

This a great political ad and is 100% the way left wing candidates should be communicating in the U.S. also.

Boring millennials, when trying decide which color to paint their house:

COW TOOLS COW TOOLS COW TOOLS

BREAKING: In leaked memo, RFK Jr. says you can totally shit all over your balls if you want and it’s legal and healthy to do so

I was an angry young man like you brother. I did troll face. I did rick rolls.

Paul Thomas Anderson is a chickenshit little coward for using the aesthetics of life in fascist regime to perform his mediocre story and then not saying jack shit about this moment during his Golden Globes acceptance speech. No respect for sniveling little boys like that.

Adding tweets and engagement to X but shaking my head the whole time to show that I disapprove of the sexual harassment

YOUR HOUSE SOLD IN 30 DAYS OR ILL EAT IT

Quietly one of the most important videos on the internet for this moment youtu.be/Bm2Q9HkbLsQ?...

“Love Island” implies the existence of “Love Peninsula,” “Love Loess” and “Love Isthmus.”

Pokémon: Eating Through Your Butt Pokémon: Pooping Through Your Mouth

Um actually it’s Expresso’s Monster; Expresso was the scientist.

She’s Bobbin’ on my Cratchitt ‘til I Scrooge.

I’m not going to go see David in theatres but it would be so funny if the story goes all the way up to him sending a man to die in battle so he can fuck his wife in that Temu Pixar style.

Needed this today

So-called “free thinkers” when there’s risotto on the stovetop.

Add “the DVD mail order rental store that your uncle won’t shut up about is going to own Looney Tunes, Batman and the Matrix someday” to the list of stuff that would have gotten you committed for saying in 2005.

these ARE made they should ALWAYS be made i WILL make them i WILL help you make them

If Trump had been president in 2021, it would have 100% been made illegal to download NFTs as jpeg.

The guy who wrote “Humpty Dumpty”: So that’s the poem. It’s about a famous noble cann- The first guy who heard it (and everybody since): Yeah man some kind of fucked up little egg man. I get it.

BREAKING: This is huge news, the EU's equivalent of the 🇺🇸Supreme Court's 2015 Obergefell v. Hodges ruling. 🇪🇺Court of Justice just ruled all 🇪🇺countries must recognise same-sex marriages granted in other member states. This effectively legalises gay marriage across 🇪🇺

Decolonization now Decolonization forever

I knew the iPhone face would be bad in the new Legend of Zelda movie but I did not expect it to be as bad as these photos make it look.

Fuck .webp and fuck any web developers who are still using it.

AURORA BOREALIS?! AT THIS TIME OF YEAR, AT THIS TIME OF DAY, LOCALIZED ENTIRELY WITHIN EVERYWHERE?!

My Sweetwater rep Christopher jumping on my funeral pyre like Denethor.

Any corpo that gets a bailout should have to put their CEO in a dunk tank for the American people. The height or the tank is 10 feet for every billion.

Pitch Perfect 2099

Having a garage is wild like “yes, this is the car’s bedroom.”

I’m going to start the next Mandela Effect: Who Wants to be a Millionaire was hosted by Pilbus Reebin.

GTA VI delayed until 2026 so that Rockstar can add more business names that would seem funny if you were a British man in the mid-2000s

There is a better version of U.S. America out there in the multiverse in which Operation Paperclip was the name given to a very funny plot where we pretended to hire Natzee scientists after WW2, only for them to get here and then have us drop a giant Steinway piano on their heads during primetime TV

Wow. In another huge upset, Mesmero, the Master of Mentalism, has been elected mayor of Chicago. Political pundits are shocked - he’s a first-time candidate who barely spent anything on advertising, and there wasn’t even an election scheduled for today

To the Joker, it’s just called “bouncing on it normal style.”

Homey literally said "touch mass"

The Quack Parade

Neither the iPhone Mini nor iPhone Air could overcome the general public’s perverse desire to be seen balancing a giant stupid brick on their pinky like an idiot.

Forks Over Knives, and God Against All

Not to be bitter, but I hope whoever beat me to this on Marketplace has audio visual sync issues on every movie they ever watch again forever.

I love Bruce Springsteen but the amount of marketing around the new biopic with chef guy is making me not want to even watch it once I can pick it up from the library.

Guillermo del toro‘s Mucinex Guys

I don’t believe in horseshoe theory, but I do believe that all chronically online people - left and right - wind up turning into weird, insecure cops.

Aw shucks

#NoKingsPDX was awe-inspiring. For a city that receives critique for an abundance of white liberalism, I was joyously surprised to see most speakers take an intersectional approach to calls for liberation. Many highlighted Palestinian and gender rights as central to our fight for collective freedom.

🎶 H-O-T-T-D-O-G 🎶 “Hot dog” with an extra T