Phillies fan sporting a CRANKIN HOG 69 jersey during a food segment on Sunday Night Baseball

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Tired: Oba Femi Wired: wOBA Femi Inspired: xwOBA Femi

What would you like sir? I’ll have the “ass on focaccia” sandwich.

The Strait of Hormuz be like…

BONER!!!! BONER!!! BONER!!!! BONER!!!! HELP!!!!

I’ve been watching this Netflix doc about Nuremberg and the Nazis. I’m really excited for this last episode where they all get hanged.

People of Texas, I am at one of your roadhouses.

I’m gonna start a band called Roadkill Raccoon Penis. Who wants in?

After 40+ years shouldn’t we know if they’re giants or not? Enough with this “they might be” nonsense.

Why didn’t he just say force field?

Outstanding. The PGA should keep its rule on not allowing these assholes back on tour.

Wait, so Allbirds doesn’t make shoes anymore? They’re an AI company? How does that work?

Wait til you see the beef that Lindsay Graham and Lindsey Graham have on their podcasts.

Bummer that she’s gotta resign, but he’s gonna have an entire organization and leadership of the NFL close ranks to protect him.

More kissing in sports!

HOWLING

You can’t drink and drive if you have alcohol but no wheels. The ancestors were smart.

Hold up. She made $11k in tips. Let’s say the taxes on that are 40%. Probably high, but being generous. That’s $4400 that she’s saving in taxes. That’s not paying any cancer bills. My bills totaled $140k for surgery and 2 rounds of chemo. I call bullshit.

Automatically enrolled to fight, not automatically enrolled to vote.

You’ll get no argument from Benny Johnson on a requirement for dudes to be hung.

Leo saw Trump’s bleet and was like “hit my music.”

He’s such a stupid motherfucker.

We’re all laughing at “Pope Leo is WEAK on Crime,” but note who was president during COVID when all these “priests, ministers, and everybody else” were being arrested for “holding Church Services.”

Call Rory the 2018 Chicago Bears because he just got a bad kick.

Anyone else give athletes nicknames when you’re watching sports? I’ve been calling Justin Rose “Rosie” and Russell Henley “Don’s kid” all afternoon.

Derrick Rose is winning the Masters?!

BREAKING: DOJ investigates the Hungarian electorate for Mortgage Fraud

This loss. Right in my fucking veins.

Sitting on the couch doing nothing. Ask me anything*. *=about the wings I just ate

“Henceforth [Hitler] would devote all of his time to the Nazi Party, from which neither then nor later did he accept any salary.” - Shirer, The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich, p. 89

When Sam Burns is the weakest guy on a Masters leaderboard, that's pretty damn great.

Honest question: Has Rory McIlroy ever hit a fairway?

After softball practice my daughter and I sat in the dugout and I taught her how to chew and spit sunflower seeds. I don’t see a way where this isn’t the highlight of the weekend.

Best Star Trek crew, wrong answers only.

It’s hard to overstate how much of this moment is driven by people who got a taste of accountability and were very, very mad about it.

Anyone know what the Streisand Effect is?

My 6 year old daughter’s favorite golfer is Sam Burns. She’ll be so pleased when she gets out of school.

This world is shitty enough without having Patrick Reed on the top of the Masters leaderboard.

The thing I miss most about my Twitter account is that clip of the Miss Universe contest yelling “France!” I had it saved and often watched it when I needed a laugh.

Pope Bob should excommunicate all their asses tomorrow.

The conclave really knew what it was doing when it elected an American Pope huh Like, only a guy who has endured Chicago winters and the indignity of rooting for the White Sox could meet this moment

Just can’t let go of that Cubs/Sox rivalry.

He’s gonna be screwed if the war deadline, healthcare, and infrastructure bills all become due at the end of the same 2 week period.