Why do Wes Streeting's facial features look so far away compared to the rest of his head?

Last night's dream started with a game show for monkeys and ended with Christopher Biggins snogging a clone of himself in "the future". Actually woke myself up laughing at how stupid it was

When I'm mixing a particular drink, I look up every recipe I can find, and take an average of the recommended measures. I make a mean cocktail.

Is this real? mandelsonforleader.com mandelsonforleader.com

1: Cement shoes & dropped into the Thames 2: End of a big pencil comes from the sky & rubs him out 3: Controlled detonation 4: Written out & replaced by Bruce Boxleitner

What is the charge? Enjoying a pint? A succulent English pint- how dare you!

Best adaption of The Odyssey, wrong answers only

Ennio Morricone is, of course, Italian for ’Eric Morecambe’.

Star Wars should really have been called Stars War.

A young Mark Hamill poses with his favorite Star Wars monster. Hamill would later grow up to play Luke Skywalker in the popular franchise

Wile E. Coyote breaking his penis on a glory hole that's only painted on the wall

May the fourth be icummin in, lhude sing grogu.

If you want a Jedi for a neighbour, vote Liberal or Labour.

Happy Towel Day! #MayThe4th

The "King," talking about his late mother here.

"All I'm saying is that if EVERYONE is racist, NO ONE is racist, right?" and that's how I got blocked by Hope Not Hate.

Fear & Grogu in Man Dalorian

COVID-20 is here at last!

*walking past a gravedigger digging a grave* "You can dig mine next!"

Bert and Ernie should have their own show. I don't want to have to watch Sesame Street to see what they're up to. I'm not 5

Love a good chat jipiti or two with a curry.

You mean... his immune system?

I wonder if Dawkins has asked Claude what that down-and-out's sign meant?

Morning, everbode.

I tried raising money for a good cause for my birthday one year & managed to raise £150 for a cancer charity. Unfortunately I found out later it was actually a PRO cancer charity, and that money went towards giving four people pancreatic cancer.

My buddy believed it wasn't butter & they shot him for it.

Bravo, he's done it again!

I've come up with a mnemonic- based system for remembering chemical symbols. It's not applicable for sodium, obviously.

That bit in Raiders where Indy shoots the show-off swordsman was entirely improvised. Ford had dysentery, so when it came to doing the scene, he just pulled out a gun instead & shot the other actor. Killed him, stone dead. Just to get out of filming the scene.

Thought I'd get out a bit more & join a running group. Unfortunately ended up joining a blade running group and all we end up doing is going around killing androids. At least, I hope they're android? I don't know how to tell for sure, and what if I'm one too?

Pay me

"I swear to God, it's this big, from balls to bellend."

Happy Upside Down Mussolini Day everyone!

Put a cuck chair in the Criterion Closet.

Friendly reminder that "gulp" is with a hard G. i once said "julp" as my bullies were closing in and it only made matters worse

incredible ad in The Onion

What do you mean they're in costume? I though that's just how French Canadians looked.

The forbidden Gentleman's Relish.

Post a better subject for a biopic named "Michael". #BetterMichaelFilms

“Watch this clip of Piers Morgan and Russell Brand” Nah. I’ll be fine. Thanks though. I mean it sounds brilliant but busy busy busy :(

"Arise, Saint News!"

Your annual reminder that William Shakespeare was born in what is now Turkey, never visited England and almost certainly could not read or write in English.