Shout-out to barely existing

Drinking a thc grape soda, listening to Olivia Dean, and looking at the moon. Life could be so good if everyone just chilled the fuck out.

To be honest, I really do not like it when random people try to talk me into going to church. It’s incredibly rude.

I cooked dinner and now I have to clean up my mess and listen, I didn’t ask for any of this. Just really need someone else to take care of me for a bit. Swaddle me, bro. Pay my bills. Encourage me to nap.

Me: I feel weird The contents of my tummy: 4 ibuprofen, 24oz of Diet Coke, 1 concerta, and a triple shot of espresso

Having a difficult time gauging how fucked we are tbh

Who is in charge of doing something about all of this? Where are all of the adults?

I don’t get invited to many places, but when I do I say no

I’m not super sure what’s real and what’s fake anymore and that scares the shit out of me.

Brb. Gotta go give a corporation 50 hours of my week so that the US government has enough tax revenue to drop bombs on children.

Been in the restaurant business for 20 years and I’d like to tell you some important things: 1. You should be nice to people that handle your food. Not because you think we will retaliate in unimaginable ways but because this business is really fucking hard and we’re human beings.

America is bombing brown people again.

I’m fearless in an “I’m not afraid to eat this jar of peanut butter in one sitting” kind of way.

I’m not passionate about working and it’s okay to admit that.

More things should be free.

Sorry to be Radical Left but I don't think we should put people who haven't committed a crime, and aren't even accused of committing a crime, into any sort of "Detention"

They are going to get away with it all, aren’t they?

I need the next book I read to almost kill me.

This is stunning. Listen to this in Philadelphia. Thousands singing “Hey-Oh, we won’t be silent while our friends are gunned down.” Really listen to it.

Thinking about that time I told a man that I work in hospitality management and he asked me what I do at the hospital.

Space exploration is essential to one of our core values of always finding new places to fight wars.

So does this open up the possibility that a foreign power will unilaterally bomb us and take OUR president? Asking for a nation.

Remember checks and balances? Lol good times.

This Is Fascism

The good lord knows I like me a big thick man with a huge wagon and a little belly

Could anyone tell me what I’m supposed to be doing

Always having to go to work is ruining my life.

I do not know what to do about any of this.

The best part about my job is going home.

It’s been so long since I’ve felt sexual tension. Now it’s just regular tension all of the time.

Alexa, put me out of my misery.

Baileys on the rocks and a sleeve of Oreos. Who even cares anymore

The pro life movement has nothing to do with the sanctity of life or whatevs and everything to do with forcing low wage adults to birth more low wage humans onto the planet to labor for the wealthiest, most entitled mother fuckers in existence.

I don't support the antivax stuff, we need these children strong and healthy so they can work in the factories

First they came for the green m&m stripper boots and I said nothing

The world is on fire, babe. Don’t feel guilty about eating chocolate cake. Seek pleasure.

Men that send me selfies give me the ick. I do not care about what you look like. We’re never going to touch butts or whatever.

The most privileged people in this country are the most entitled.

Blue states deserve independence from whatever the fuck the rest of y’all are trying to do.

If they took an hour of my work day, fine- but to take an hour of my slumber is absolutely fucking diabolical.

Do they still make cyanide capsules? Asking for a friend.

Legally, I don’t think I’m allowed to be this tired.

if you're looking for something funny to watch may i suggest every episode of Detroiters

I don’t believe in being better than our enemies. We need to be way worse.

We’re not a business. We are a country- filled with humans. But if we were a business, I wouldn’t pick the guy that bankrupted a casino to run us.

I'm sorry but you've caught me at a very "why the fuck am I alive" time in my life

Somebody should do something about this

congrats to the class of 2025, your career options are shitcoin pump and dumper or burrito chauffeur

Go Birds

Your celebrity obsession is a mental illness. Like the work and be normal about it.