You say potato and I say potato, you say tomato and I say tomato, basically what I'm saying is I'm plagiarising your posts

Bit much

Anyone else still have the For You feed because even though Bluesky says it doesn't exist and you're supposed to delete it you don't want to?

Honestly think Shania Twain was being picky rocket scientists are pretty impressive

Netflix: oh hi, I see Google sent you, no we don't have that film but this is the page we'd put it on if we did, now come this way I'll show you how to subscribe

If you hit play on “Dark Side of the Moon” at the six second mark of “Jerry Maguire” you completely ruin the movie.

Rebooting Bojack Horseman just to add a character called Jason Seagull

Damn girl am I a Cybertruck cos you keep giving me the middle finger and calling me a stupid looking POS

Pay the ransom or I will release more from drafts

Unlike genAI, I know when to use an em dash in my writing (never) and when not to (always)

I need a business that rhymes with showbusiness any ideas?

In hundreds of years archaeologists will unearth Bluesky and give our posts the likes they deserve

I brought my whole self to work and 60% of me got sent home

People just out there wearing sunglasses like, yeah I know where my sunglasses are in the house at all times

My falutin levels are off the charts

Dammit I can't stop singing concentration or constipation

Surrealist magicians love this one weird trick

I could respect Dune if it was one nine-hour film rather than having to remind myself what spice is every three years

Oh to return to a simpler time when blowing up the socials meant firebombing the village hall

Still no idea why frogs find this arousing

*cut to me welcoming all the snakes into my home to sample the shamrock shake

moving is stressful, guys, wtf no one has ever expressed this before i am fairly certain

Methane is what makes uranus blue stop snickering it's just a fact

stupid teeth none of my other bones need this much minty scrubbing

[Sade voice 🎵]

I can't believe we've still done nothing better than sliced bread

A devil called Crucifer who's a piece of broccoli has this been done?

I don't 'run this account' I write stuff in a box and press post, run implies intentionality

If life had taught me anything it's that you'll never get rid of all your mucus no matter how hard you try

Now I know why shitposters never use punctuation it's because Melville used it all up

Every life problem has one of two solutions: more water or more salt. Wait sorry not life I mean stew, every stew problem, life is way more complicated than this lol

If AI were any good the first job it would have replaced is CEO, literally the most automatable job there is

We need to rebrand the climate crisis again as constant drizzle, that's the call to arms the masses need

This seems like a metaphor for something but I can't think what definitely not my marriage

Switch Alleyoop Double Rodeo 1080 is a lovely name for a girl

[mispronouncing joni lyrics] they paved paradise and put up a barking lot [my dog visibly excited] put up a what

Don't know what TS Eliot was on about January is way crueller

What do we want? Rhetorical clichés! When do we want them? Now more than ever!

Does Mr Beast know he's allowed to close his lips?

My least favourite thing about LLMs is that their tone of voice is clearly signed off by the PR department

Me too, Palo, me too

in exchange for her baby??!

One flush two flush pee flush poo flush thank you for your attention to this matter

My office has only two meeting rooms, they're called Chamberlain and Churchill and literally no one else has commented on this

This is making me want a lemon meringue pie

Trying to hack my gut microbiome but it's very messy. Is my axe too sharp or not sharp enough?

Saw some magnolia buds and the first blossoms of the year so I think it'll be ok

Trying to curate my feed so it goes back to shitposts only but worried I'll be left with just Racoons Hourly