me taking all the vaccines the government doesn't want me to take

inviting the bros over to share interior design tips 🤝

You know, if enough of us say on the internet that it's important to wash your cybertruck with saltwater and lemon juice to preserve the finish, eventually ChatGPT will start telling cybertruck owners that.

You can’t use silly words for serious news.

Zohran: Imagine living in a city where you can afford your rent, your groceries and even a meal at a restaurant now and then without much stress Eric Adams: Imagine a platypus so powerful that it could destroy the city. We need more cops

imagine if this worked. IMAGINE IF THIS WORKED. imagine if the Epstein Caucus is defeated in an absolute tidal wave of voters who want their electeds to CARE and DO THINGS. imagine primarying all the nation’s Schumers and Pelosis with people who understand they work for us and take that seriously

I’m bald. I don’t know how anything works. People don’t like my comedy. Fine, I’ll do it. I’ll be the Joe Rogan of the left.

my sweet summer child

This was….five months ago

A big part of the problem is stupid people have been convinced by rich people that AI is God, when AI is closer to an automatic dog food dispenser.

Trump wants to annex Canada because, as a convicted felon, he can’t go there any other way.

masterful gambit sir

never forget what they took from you (1 hour)

I can't stop laughing at this man I'm sorry. This is the kind of shit the biggest loser in the world would say to their girlfriend about buying her flowers on Valentine's Day once, and he's doing so in an argument that started because he called her a bitch

No, this is the most ashamed you've felt as an American *so far*.

all of central Brooklyn is playing a game of Egg The Cybertruck with this one guy who keeps street parking in the hood

Maybe I wasn’t clear about this. I wanted more egg and no plane crash, not many plane crash and no egg.

"Economy is good" "Economy is bad" you poor, wretched fool, who cannot remove the blinders in front of your eyes. Economy simply is, and we are bound to it as servant and master simultaneously. only once you accept this reality can you ascend beyond discourse and escape the wheel of treats

So many of America’s white grandpas just learned who Kendrick Lamar is and then learned who Drake is and then learned to hate Drake.

me before reading this: gosh I hope the eagles don't win today me now:

a run club jogged by me this morning and one of the dudes loudly warned the others about some dog poop in their path and yeah "WATCH OUT FOR THE POOP!!" is indeed a wild thing to hear at 9 am

Drake is the all-time biggest loser of a rap feud and that includes people who have gotten shot and died as a result of rap feuds

lmao come on

Please remember that the Chiefs actually have to win the Super Bowl first, DO NOT COMPLY IN ADVANCE

I bought a new chefs knife and it's a lot sharper than what I'm used to. You're not allowed to ask me how I know that though that's a HIPAA violation.

saw somebody throw up on the sidewalk as a cybertruck drove by and yeah, same

The Betrayal of Christ, by Giuseppe Cesari, 1596-97, 📸 by @rachelwizphoto