Truly proud of how much Chad has accomplished just by putting himself first and leaning into his talent. And everyone I’ve had the joy of meeting who works with him agrees. ❤️❤️❤️

Shout out to my mom when I was 10 and asked to get tested for dyslexia and she said no because that information could hold me back in life. Swing and a miss but you were just looking out!

My employer recommended that all employees keep their passport, visas, and other documents on them when commuting to the office in Chicago.

Slams laptop open til Friday 😢

Regina George would have made a better mentor on Project Runway.

I know a lot of people won’t click through to read about “med beds” so here’s the crucial quote to explain how fucking crazy this is. Trump just posted an AI video of himself promising every American access to this.

Maybe Nancy Pelosi: Hey Jon, It’s Knucklefuck Chuck here. I just skeetered a hot one just now and I bet Trump is pissing himself. I can’t fight this fight alone. Click the link below to chip in $5 today and I’ll maybe consider one day kissing Mamdani on the forehead (not an endorsement)

My tinhat theory is that a consumption of ai-first content is going to produce a generation of undersocialized sociopaths.

Should I get the Sidekick or a Razr

There actually 16 types of intelligence but most of them are kinda stupid

I want the answer from the people, not AI. Can I take a little funny gummy and NyQuil in the same night??

The only men I’m slurping on tonight is ramen.

an unintentionally accurate read of chicago gays 😭😭

The more you talk about your MBA the more you prove you don’t have anything real to talk about.

I look like this but I sound like hell. Send soup and/or nudes please.

Omg he desperately keeps messaging me and I’m like “we were just having fun please don’t make it more than that and just move on” (Talking about the Duolingo bird)

Having an Alexa or Google Home really feels like a warlockian pact with a demon. I give you unfiltered audio access to my most intimate moments forever and in return I get to set a kitchen timer with my voice instead of my fingers.

Still sick but still thick.

Don’t feel like working… Maybe I’ll write body-horror YA fanfic where the animorphs all get stuck midway through their transition instead of

A self-referential slut? That’s called a metawhore

Any preferences for #humpday?

Every Halloween Chad learns why I don’t keep candy in the house

Okay maybe not getting raptured has its upsides

Someone come shoot me jfc #silksong

Didn’t show up to any zoom calls today hoping everyone assumed I ⬆️👼🐙

Hey all some people reached out with concern so just letting you know that this was a joke and I actually never share anything serious about my job on Bluesky.

quote this with your reaction to gettin left behind during the rapture

Airheads for breakfast? Disgusting. Airheads for pre-workout? You’re onto something.

FUCK.

The photo I have in my reel that would crack gay Bluesky in half.

lol my boss just put a meeting with HR on my calendar at 7:30 am. Lol sure girl. Ima be zooming off to space with Jesus but you have fun in that zoom call!!

Really hoping this rapture thing plays out because I told my boss I’m hitting some major deadlines that are NOT realistic.

Begrudgingly opens laptop til Friday

It’s the addition of wheels to make the act of carrying the cross easy and painless that really tells you everything you need to know about the absolutely uncritical and selfish ideological positioning of this kind of politics.

I skipped the Nazi rally-I mean, memorial what did I miss?

Sunday Bunday.

Gwen StuffInMe Yes/No

Going shopping today to build this look. Wish me luck.

Adult favors to anyone who wants to come beat this boss for me

Nighty night!

told u

I guess sometimes the mouse doesn’t feel all that litigious

Bring me your wired, your wealthy, your fed.

💪💪💪

During a scuffle to move out the same van, federal agents just grabbed a protestor and brought them inside the facility.

This is what it looks like when ICE violates our First Amendment rights.

Our city’s worst kept secret

Ro Khanna: "They're making comedy illegal. Brendan Carr pressured ABC to cancel Jimmy Kimmel, and Disney cancels Jimmy Kimmel. This canceling from an administration that lectured us about cancel culture. That's why today I'm introducing a motion to subpoena Brendan Carr."

Oops! Don’t jokingly attach a thirst trap to a trending topic.

Good morning to Jimmy Kimmel only.