Vienna Beef Social is excited to announce geotagging your posts. Whenever you post you can choose to include how many sausage-links away the nearest hotdog vendor is.

Good morning faggot say it back

Every time I see MTG I think “oh bad built body” and then I’m like they released a teenage mutant ninja turtle deck???

I’m trying to figure out how we get them to throat goat to the polls

A partner at my firm keeps sending be Bluesky screenshots of memes and I have to keep pretending like I haven’t seen them, I don’t know what Bluesky is, and that I haven’t posted so much ass here.

I’m sitting alone on a patio and a couple asked if we could share my table because there are no open tables and I said I didn’t mind but you guys…

She sucked his dick and became a scandal. He sucked his dick and became president. Still think the patriarchy isn’t real?

Wait should we make Vienna Beef Social a real thing?

Thinking about the couple at the Atmosphere bar eating a cheese platter at 10:45 PM on a Saturday

Does anyone want to sit at a bar with me and read and not exchange a single word while sitting in the comfort that we are having a shared experience?

*slams laptop shut til monday* **reopens a couple times just to make sure anyone needed anything

(tw: earnest) my mom died when I was very young and if I was raised believing that she was still alive inside a smartphone it is safe to say that, at best, I would be on a full time grippy sock vacation at this point. whoever is behind this needs a grief counselor and a permanent internet ban

Stop putting your butts and nuts on Pokémon and just dm me a dickpic like a normal person.

My friend @jakestepansky.bsky.social is building out the @qtlibrary.org, a Boston-based LGBTQIA+ lending library, and needs your help to resource their space and fund their mission 🏳️‍🌈📚🏳️‍⚧️ If you’re able, support them here:

I’m on a 10 pm work call from hell that is now 20 minutes over. Someone end me now.

Everything makes me think of him

I’m no longer on Hevy. If you need to reach me DM me on Yelp, Zillow, or Vienna Beef Social

If you haven’t been intentionally withholding your patronage from St*rbucks already, tomorrow is a fantastic day to start.

Sad to report I’m back on my evening workout bullshit.

The first season of Survivor was 49 years ago. Let that sink in.

Goonlight

“Oscar-winning actors Michael Caine and Matthew McConaughey have partnered” I don’t need to read the rest of the headline. Love is love is love.

Wait now that Disney owns it is Miranda a Disney Princess or Disney Villain?

Missed opportunity for 2devil2prada

Good news I’m not in trouble at work! Bad news I’m beginning to wonder if I can ever be in trouble or if I’m actually living a life without consequence and therefore without meaning???

Ellie Goulding & Robyn are both releasing new music today by the way!

I’m shocked more people don’t draw silly faces around glory holes

I can already see my body pivoting to winter twunk

Slayer vs Dark Slayer

Forced to think about shareholder value while I long to be dreaming about letterforms

Did anyone else play PacMan 2 on Sega Genesis? It feels like a fever dream of a sequel but my brothers and I were obsessed with it.

8 wines deep into a tasting ama.

When BGB and I DM

LOGGING ON

Thursday my first meeting is at 8:00 PM and my last meeting ends at 10:30 PM so I will be taking a lot of time back the rest of this week.

SCOTUS doing more to protect Americans than Dems today wtf

Gripe all you want. Fresh snow when autumn leaves still hang from trees is fucking gorgeous.

I don’t know what it would be yet but we need a font called Tragic Sans

Y’all I didn’t even get to use a third of my cute fall jackets

I have been on a crusade against the UberEats version of these little fucking freaks and I can promise you that pissing off the cyclist community is picking the wrong fight

Just a few boys having a fun time @thomcb88.bsky.social @jonaldric.bgay.social

So record profits and also record layoffs… I don’t mean to be paranoid but I think we’re getting screwed here.

Every time you engage with the Wicked P2 press tour a moderate gets elected to a local government position

Me when I overdo it with the hairdryer

It’s Saturday morning. The dog is quietly chewing on his favorite ball. Chad is watching Sunday In The Park With George on the couch while I’m reading Wonder Woman comics beside him. Our coffee is still too hot for anything more than the smallest sips. The cat is being a dick.

As queer people we get to choose our own heart emoji color

The US government choosing not to report any economic data because there is no recession in Ba Sing Se

I’ve taken to using insta stories to lecture people on the ethical problems with ai if that’s something you want to subject yourself to

It’s just Debra Mess now.