how many days can I survive with a broken dishwasher do we think

this song unlocked an urgent nostalgia for driving around the backroads of my hometown with the windows down circa 2004 in the absolutely best way possible by the way

which bloomf is most likely to get explosive diarrhea from eating salad and why is it me

to be gay is to simply “yes, and” the other gay people in the comments

why choose between lettuce diarrhea and Canadian wildfire smoke when you can have both 🤩

found Chekhov’s gun at the theatre etc etc

ok who did this (the weather)

are enzymes real

hoooooooo Chicago is hotter than lerrrgan’s cloaca this morning

straight boy I haven’t seen in like 8 months told me I looked really hot today so my powers have reached astronomical heights sorry to say

washing my apples with Dawn dish soap so when I get diarrhea later I won’t know if it’s the parasite or the soap

ah, yes. my favorite local Chicago art fair vendor booth: The Wayfair Store.

are we all going to be killed by diarrhea

😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

when the weiner of possibility outweighs the desire for more slumber 🤩

goodbye, lady who was eating an apple by chewing it up and spitting the pieces back into your other hand and then holding onto them for the rest of the train ride. I don’t know where you’re going but I hope you are happy when you get there.

I need a snack so bad

Jon won’t let me see the new minion movie

COMPUTAH…kill me

imagine being so sleepy

my 20-year high school reunion is this summer and I just got the invite. they rented out the back room of a sports bar and we all have to pay our own way (rental and food/drinks) because no one knows how to get a hold of all the money we raised (????) senior year to pay for this shit. should I go.

my Botox wore off does anyone have $430

so what is the viagra thing about I have not been paying attention

not returning to the Chicago Eagle until they play this on repeat

Imagine meeting bloomf for brunch and ending the occasion with infowars clips on YouTube featuring Christine Ebersole

Me: oh my hair looks cute Jon: are you being sarcastic?

tired of you all knowing my business stop reading my diary

I want to watch Bring it On but Jon is making us watch the trailers for all 6 Bring it On sequels instead

really big zit on my nose 😭

no actually I love doing a play outdoors in a park on the 4th of July I bet lots of people will come and that there will be hardly any other distractions or noises occurring in the area after sunset when we begin

I Love Gay

sick pathetic punk-ass patriot losers get fucked you racist pieces of disgraceful shit

I need $418,000

today has been my first day off since May and wow wow wow laying around doing nothing is amazing

Titanic was called the ship of dreams. And it was. It really was.

life comes at you fast bitch welcome to hell

Toy Story 69 idk

I don’t sit in our chair enough

SOS waitress trying to get us drunk on second pitcher of margaritas

our coat rack said “good morning you guys are gay”

what if Kumori made speedos I wonder

Happy Pride from our rooftop as we watch the RHORI reunion with wine, crackahs and Merkts cheese spread

Harry dips his head into the penceive and is immersed in visions of all the times Dumbledore shat himself in public. He quickly retracts from pool of memories, but Dumbledore is quicker, grabbing him by his shoulders. “No,” he whispers. “You must watch them all.” And Harry is submerged again.

“give the bathroom a barn door that doesn’t latch and make sure it slides back open an inch and a half every time someone closes it” - the person who designed our hotel room

is lerrrgan glued to a bidet

Peter Sagal wrote the screen play that would eventually become Dirty Dancing Havana Nights…that is…….what

@viennabeef.social is having a great time figuring out all the little spaces he can fit into in our hotel room

I am biomorphic

gay people have been gay forever

showing all your close friend stories to the sassy southern grandma flight attendant and she is getting the vapors