hmmm I think I hate the camera on the 17pro alert the press and Tim Apple of my displeasure

I think I’m going to have Gilded Age on the tv during our NYE party

just as the prophecy foretold…I hope @kindofahugedyl.bsky.social still recognizes me

there is someone at the gym doing lat pulldowns while on a work call fully pretending they’re at home “sorry I can’t be camera on, my office is a mess, you know how it is after the holidays” okay divaaaaaa!

My wife and her friends are watching Steel Magnolias, so I casually threw out a classic "...The way she just [clenches fist] steals all that frickin magnolia..." and let me tell you, the gap between online and offline people is probably the biggest cultural divide we face today.

I really appreciate the community I have found on this app. It’s very sweet, and it’s been such a reprieve from everything else going on in the world. I love our bits and learning about your passions, and I feel lucky to have made so many new friends. I wish I could give you all a kiss at midnight!

in case anyone who was mean to me cares, the curtains actually ended up being the perfect length and installing them was so easy haha I did NOT have to make several trips to the hardware store or fall off my ladder/back of the couch or scream when a bunch of stuff fell and bent an L bracket !

Going back to work on Friday is going to be so dumb lmao etc

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

I’m banned from working at Target, have I said that already on this app before? If so um…. I’ve dirt biked across the Badlands twice ✌🏼

tomorrow’s haircut cannot come soon enough it is going to transform me fr

This is not hard. Artists are not responsible for ensuring the Kennedy Center remains relevant and successful. The center’s board is responsible for that, in a fiduciary way. All of this energy being directed at artists should be re-directed at the board.

being an actor is so dumb because you have to list all your special skills on these casting websites and sometimes the category is "scooter" and you get to choose "expert" because.... wtf else would you be if you can ride a scooter

new Visit Chicago campaign has dropped!!!!!!

how much would you pay to see a living room production of Phantom of the Opera, co-produced by @chrissayshi.bsky.social and myself, featuring @viennabeef.social as the chandelier. further casting announcements to come.

being attacked for my hat and slippers but I will stand strong in my comfy winter outfit thank you

Sciatic nerve reaaaaaally doing numbers lately would anyone like to move into a nursing home with me

okay so @sondheimslut.bsky.social is the only one who’s going to get the reference GO FIGURE

You’ve been doing something wrong for about three weeks and it’s been annoying me I wanna talk about it right now

lmao @lerrrgan.bsky.social thank u for this

unfortunately nothing goes harder than the overture to phantom of the opera live at royal albert hall. I don’t make the rules! I’m just the messenger.

we do be out here 👯‍♀️

It’s been like 3 months and I think my eyes are still fucked up from cellulitis verrrrry cooooooool 😎

now what the fuck (this is about the weather)

now watching 😍 🎲♟️🧩

my hair is so long right now I look like a fucking chinchilla 😞

Listen to me right now: if you are getting married and people will be giving speeches during dinner, they better all learn how to project, speak clearly AND directly into a mic, and lift the ends of their sentences.

😍

Share a great female villain:

my husband mentioned

the new curtains are too long

Hanging out with 25 year olds is absolutely insane

is it too late to join the bicep thread?

first night sleeping in my bed after going home for the holidays and the cat didn’t come sleep next to or on me once??? hateful.

wait none of you gave me anything for xmas ☹️

Wisconsin:

“It seems your waitress has gone to Phoenix. I’m going to go check on her… … …I hate everything.” The exhausted old gay Maître D at dinner last night. Perfection.

well that’s enough of being home

we are now at an old school Italian supper club in downtown Madison I love Wisconsin so much sometimes

my mom is drunk in a bourbon tasting room with a bunch of strangers and she’s going on and on about PBS and soy sauce to anyone who will listen

the only cute thing about my hometown is that it is now home to an award-winning bourbon distillery. also look at my sweet lil fam 🥰🥰

the absolute indignity of forgetting to pack my blow dryer (standing bent over in the bathroom while I hairspray my head to ensure appropriate height and volume is achieved)

so my instagram ads have fully moved into “objects that are shaped like or feature erect penises” territory

last night I brought up watching It’s a Wonderful Life and my dad said “first of all Jimmy Stewart is NOT as great as everyone says he is” ☹️😭😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 Christmas is OVER

Good morning I need to be in the lobby of the Chicago Athletic Association sipping on a cocktail and reading a book as soon as possible

the number of remotes I am navigating to simply watch my stories in this damn house

who all be enjoying the absolute delight of a seven layer salad this holiday season

It’s incredible how people (my family) can manage to not be quiet for a SINGLE SECOND for HOURS AT A TIME when I am simply trying to watch a movie I have seen a dozen times already in peace (Knives Out)

ok am I allowed to fall asleep on my sister’s couch now

can you believe that a closeted gay boy picked out these bathroom finishes in 2003??? Okay merry Christmas bye