There’s one particular track on the new Muse album I’ve been enjoying. It’s gonna sting when it inevitably ends up on a commercial for Kalshi or whatever the tech version of Union Carbide is going to be.

I need one of those cans of FIFA vanishing spray for when anyone other than me is in the kitchen.

Jazzed that the English team is setting up camp in Meadowbrook in OP but bummed You Animal You is no no longer open for them to go buy a Stüssy shirt.

the priest, holding up a wafer: …& this is the body of christ. me, from way in the back: YES CHEF!

your a.i. art is really cool, man. how long did it take you to write the prompt?

If you enjoyed Butler’s historic 2010 Cinderella run, check out Leonard shooting his shot with Penny on this multi-camera sitcom from Chuck Lorre.

hi i’m johnny knoxville and this is stand up paddle boarding the straight of hormuz

Looking forward to attending my next class reunion and asking my classmates which one of the three companies they work for.

Son stayed home from school today. Great opportunity to introduce him to the Dean Cameron cinematic universe.

Went back to cotton casual wear. Solve-all? Of course not. Feels good though. Let’s tackle fascism In breathable fibers.

Hardly a sole watching the show through their phone. And he played Decoration Day. Successful night at the Isbell show.

Cignetti could walk into a packed Costco, grab 40 items and be back in his car in under 30 minutes. Dude is PREPARED.

Indiana’s on Miami’s* level. *2001 Miami

4 out of 5 uncles have given a drifter a ride to an arby’s that was more than fifty miles away.

Rob Reiner also represented the big-hearted, upper-middlebrow movie that just doesn't seem to get made any more.

*calling the butterball helpline* how can i get a bunch of arrows out of my car tires?

Matthew McConaughey is on the Texas sideline, which implies that they're losing because they're not using Agentforce, the powerful new AI from Salesforce

You think you’re doing a good job of avoiding the ‘Sunday Scaries’ and then these clown dicks show up after Sunday night football and existential dread grips your soul.

Call me old fashioned but I always remove my hat when “Night Moves” comes on the radio.

These sick losers are getting everything they’ve always wanted. They’re ruining people’s lives and laughing about it. They’re tearing down things others built for fun. They’re making their enemies grovel. But they will NEVER enjoy Pints With The Lads. They’ve been deemed unworthy by the Pint Gods.

Alligator Alcatraz should be an unreleased Warren Zevon song, not a hastily built concentration camp on US soil.

The person driving around with the parking ticket still on her windshield is me.

The Mt. Rushmore of Chets

JJ Spaun joins Bill & Ted as San Dimas high school’s most notable alumni.

FRIENDSHIP the movie 👍

HBO: Electric Boogaloo

At this point Arcade Fire should consider just going by Arcade.

I said my main goal of this trip was to meet with Kilmar. Tonight I had that chance. I have called his wife, Jennifer, to pass along his message of love. I look forward to providing a full update upon my return.

Send Wade Boggs to space with a case of beer and watch how quickly America becomes exceptional again.

“Hungry Like the Wolf” is grade ‘A’ dog shit.

If you’re a @schumer.senate.gov staffer, now is a great time to quit.

I’d be more jazzed about daylight savings if we could spring forward at like 2pm Monday.

Paper ass tiger

[willem dafoe unprompted] now, this cookie monster. [toothy smile] what a creature, what a lust. it consumes him. [crosses legs] he’s really a tragic figure.

Hollywood’s 2nd biggest night is any night you get the left turn arrow on Franklin/La Brea.

Will I watch the Daytona 500? No, but I’ll watch the hell out of Days of Thunder on basic cable with commercials.

Anyone know how long SNL has been on the air?

Sorry I’m so late. I got stuck trying to open a compostable produce bag.

Do the Chiefs get all the calls? My friends at @the-ringer.bsky.social asked me to investigate. In The Mahomes Era, KC is actually MORE penalized than their opponents by nearly 1,000 yards—but their tendency to draw certain penalties explains how we view them: www.theringer.com/2025/02/04/n...

*first date* i already wrote a sea shanty about you

David Lynch showed that you could be an auteur without being a creep or a prick.

Can’t believe Butker missed a PAT on Jesus’ birthday.

take me down to the party city where the stores are closed 'cause of private 'quity

When Belichick gets to campus he should find the pool and nail a Triple Lindy.

“I’ll Wait” by Van Halen just came on the radio and I ripped the roof of my car into t-tops with my bare hands.

All I want for Christmas is Donald Fagan to leave me a voicemail telling me to f*ck off.

Because they’re not from the Yacht Rock region of southern California, Hall & Oates are technically sparkling soft rock.