¡I RAN OUT OF SAZÓN!

Do I get a new tattoo, new grill, or new shoes as a little treat for going another month without killing myself

If you are willingly let me associate with a bum ass person, you are an opp too cause you are setting me up!

Stormi doesn't listen worth a fuck but best believe when I say it's nap time she follows me to my room and paws at me to lift the covers so she can lay down!

12 thousand American dollars worth of shots just chilling in my fridge smh

I gotta start walking the dog in the mornings cause it's too hot (she's my best friend/roommates dog so he mainly takes her out but he has a bad hip so she comes with me for a 3 mile walk once a day)

I’m always outta pussy, just like niggas always outta money.

SHE SAID NO PREORDERS NEITHER!

IoT device insecurity is one of the biggest issues we have that nobody talks about because they don't know😭 you think your Alexa is listening? Buddy you have a security camera connected to the internet with the default credentials on it😭

You know what spice I don't use enough? Cinnamon

Okay but this is hilarious. Like the wife would need a PhD in literature to pick up some slick "why are the walls blue" symbolism like this 🤣

I'm so fucking hungry I'm finishing this workout and making a stack of pancakes

Every girl's stories about their ex gfs are crazy.

Lmfaooooo see this is what these racist fucks could have been upset about and been okay, but of course it was just cause it was in Spanish. But the niggas lyrics are filthy🤣

This is like a linkedin post but about pussy instead of the job market.

I made a similar pact and been on the run for two years now

Taking the extra 30 seconds to make sure there is some sort of presentation makes the food taste better idc

I'm sorry but I love having a dick so bad, the dickless are constantly complaining about their own bodies being their biggest opps, like no thanks lol

Me who eats beef bacon>>>(it's probably just as bad as the pork though lmao)

call me controversial and finicky, but if I buy a car, I don't think it reasonable that I have to learn how to "hack" it so it doesn't kill my family But that might just be me. www.thestar.com/news/canada/...

Men would rather roll on the Realm of Chaos - Slaves to Darkness random mutation table than ask literally a single living woman what it is they actually like

I was reading all these prompts out to my friends discord and this is the one that was unanimous (Gemini🤣)

Throwing a gallon of water on her, the this looks like

I know the ugly friend in the group photo ain't saying sumn!?

I have a gold tooth but you can't see it that well so I think I need one more prominently in the front (I want a permanent gold fang)

🖤 #promosky 🖤 ☆ gamer 👉🌈 👈 ☆ currently playing: trying to plat the TR survivor trilogy 🥲 ☆ fromsoftware & zelda ☆ mk and resident evil ☆ death stranding & alan wake ☆ vinyl records, björk, caroline p, robyn, beyoncé and arca ☆ last concert: lorde ultrasound 🌍 tour ♡ + ↻ appreciated!

Santana will ALWAYS eat. 😩🔥🔥

Vainglorious is one of my favorite words

For someone that has never done porn, I know a weird amount of sex workers (positive)

I be making potions (brewing herbal teas) before bed

thinking about the time a venture capitalist unfollowed me on twitter and said "no one should think this much about clothes." then they followed me again and emailed me to ask if i wanted to create an app together. i said no, so they unfollowed me a second time.

Good morning! Madonna of the Cotton Fields was painted by Laura Knight.

Thought other politicians just hated Mamdami's guts so much because of racism, but he seems to be setting the kind of standards they Really don't want to meet so maybe he scares the shit out of them because he's showing everyone how easy it would be to actually do their damn jobs

Guárdame café con leche y pastelito, guárdame

Man was not meant for Teams messages at 6:20 in the morning.

Honey and warm golden milk before getting into bed has been putting my ass OUT

The price of everything has definitely skyrocketed but I also think some people just don't know how to shop cause they've never been poor🤣

How all the night skies above start to thunder and rain, like a Hollywood movie with some sad exceptions, no lover to kiss, or promised happy endings, ILL SWING ROUND THIS STREET LAMP, AND I'LL GIVE YOU A STORY

My new niece is super pale rn and my brother in law joked "who's white baby is that". Now mind you, the man is the half white one in the relationship😭

My sister just FaceTimed me to see the baby and I said "Hello miss fat baby" and she had the most disgusted look on her face. So I said "it's okay I wouldn't fuck with me either if in your first 12 hours I had to hear my voice." And then my sister goes "no, that's just her face."🥹 She fits right in!

“Until the room stank” Is such a vivid and complex way to express desire

My niece is so CHUNKY I love fat babies😭

Woot my niece is here!

#nailwars im coming for you ladies this summer😂💅🏽

Y'all I don't even wear nail polish unless I'm going to a rave but I bought the entire Avatar the last airbender set because they look fire😂

A la nanita nana Nanita ella, nanita ella Mi niña tiene sueño Bendito sea, bendito sea

To whoever is hacking Scratch, a web-based visual coding program for kids, to insert a virus that deletes the projects your kids are working on, you are a supreme asshole. muffin.ink/blog/scratch...

Pierre Bourdieu once argued that the question of whether something is art isn't answered by the artist's intention or even the object itself. Instead, the quality of being "art" is conferred by a community — curators, dealers, auction houses, audiences, etc. 🧵